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#1 nikki_kiki



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Posted 07 January 2010 - 12:28 PM

Hello All

I'm a forum newbie and am engaged to be married in April of 2011 about. I joined this forum mainly for the question I'm about to ask but I love forums and I'm sure I'll have lots more fun with it.
I have a small issue with my partner's religious beliefs and our wedding.
When we met one of the first things we actually talked about is our different religions. I'm Muslim (not practicing) and he's Christian (not really practacing). I really don't follow any of the muslim beliefs but just say that I am for the respect of my parents. Where my fiancee likes to call himself very Christian. Mind you he doesn't go to church or follow any other Christian ways. But when he was younger he used to be into a lot of bad things and he says god saved his life and he's put all that behind.
We have a gorgeous 13 month old girl and things have been okay with her and religion. She hasn't been christened or anything like that which I didn't want. I believe that we shouldn't bring her up either way, when she's old enough she'll chose for herself.
My partner has had a friend for many years who is a pastor and he wants for this man to marry us. It's all fine with me cause I don't believe it all but I don't want the whole ceramony to be about God and I don't want bible readings etc etc. My family would freak. But I'm too scared to tell my mum and dad incase they end up not talking to me. The wedding will NOT be in Church which I'm happy about but I am happy for his pastor friend to marry us but concentrate on talking about the love union between a couple not between the couple and god etc.
I asked him about this and he said that these are his beliefs and that if the pastor can't marry us then he doesn't wanna get married.
What can I do? I feel like I don't want to disrespect my future husband but then I don't want to disrespect my whole family.

#2 Puggie


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Posted 07 January 2010 - 12:46 PM

Stepping aside from the religious aspect - perhaps start by thinking about what YOU want. Forget your fiancee (for a moment) and your parents, too. How do you see your wedding/ceremony? After all - if it is you making a lifelong commitment, it should represent you and your beliefs, too - not just be something you can tolerate because it has no meaning or significance to you.

Once you have established what it is you'd like, then maybe sit with your fiancee and the pastor (if, indeed, upon reflection you determine you are happy with him performing the ceremony) and discuss the structure etc.

Without knowing which Christian denomination your fiancee practices, it's hard to say whether bible readings etc. would be a mandatory part of the ceremony. We had a traditional Catholic service in a church, so there ere certainly some required aspects within that. I know that other Christian denominations might be a lot more liberal, though. Even though our service was Catholic and in a Church, though - it wasn't a very 'religious' ceremony. By that I mean the readings focussed on love etc. and not on God per se. We also omitted one of the religious readings in favour of a Shakespearian sonnet!

If you are not being married within a church, and if the pastor is indeed a family friend, you might well discover that you have a great deal of flexibility to construct a ceremony which is special and has significance and relevance to both you and your fiancee. I guess it all comes down to honest and open communication smile.gif

Good luck!

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