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What I have learned


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#1 Rachae

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 03:04 PM

Hey guys,

I thought I would share some thoughts and perspective considering I am now divorced.. (and newly engaged again)

David and I going our separate ways was the best decision I have ever made for myself. Not because I was wrong is knowing that I loved him, or being sure that we would have our happy ending. I honestly believed that 2 years ago.

After we separated I learned alot of things, about what led to my actions, and what led to his.

As a few of you would know, for a long time David and I had problems, problems communicating, problems connecting emotionally and physically.
I was madly in love, as was he. But then it just changed. We were both bringing eachother down.
I always thought I was happy.. But nothing compares to how I feel now.
Not because of the new man in my life, or because I have that promise of a 'forever' again with someone else, but because of the 18 months of learning and growing I have done.

There is a point where you hit rock bottom, a point of total dispair.

After Dave and I separated I started 'seeing' a few people, convinced myself that that was enough to take my mind off him, or loosing a life, a plan, a vision. and it worked for about 4 months.

Then I stopped 'seeing' a person, and for the first time in my life I was alone. Sure I had my friends and my family. But I didnt know who I was.

The easy (and at the time, the only thing I could think of) was to try to get David back. And I did, I tried and tried. it didn't happen, but I finally found myself greiving.

I was so scared, I felt alone.. I wasnt comfortable being by myself because I was so lost, I didnt know what my own company was like. I had never had no one to rely on, no one to hug or care for. I didnt know how to care for me.

Then I found out he was moving the UK and was engaged again to a girl he worked with.
In the months following that I learned that he had been seeing this girl since a month before our wedding.

My head was a mess. I was litterally suicidal, I didnt talk to anyone, or go anywhere, or do anything. Everything was too hard, and I was so scared, not of being alone, but of myself. I didnt know what I would do, I didnt know me well enough to trust that I would get through it a better person.

But hitting that rock bottom point, I seemed to let go off all the guilt that I had been harbouring, thinking it was everthing that I did, or said, or wanted.

I woke up one day and I felt free. I started smiling again, and smiling because I was really happy. I was content, I loved my life, I loved my friends, and I finally realised just how many people do care about me.

And I did it all on my own ,I wasnt happy again because I found someone new, I wasnt happy because I had gotten anyone old back again. I was just happy because life is beautiful. A beautiful gift that I have been blessed with.

I spent time with my family, I went for a holiday by myself, I sat in the sun and wrote amazing music... Read books, cooked! all just because I wanted to. Because they are MY passions.

Then one day I meet Brett. (my current partner).
And it was amazing.

Not only because he is amazing.
But because although we are at the same point that I once was with David It's so different.

With David, I was head over heals from the moment we met, I was in love, and was going to get married and live happily ever after and that was my fairy tale that was going to come true!

With Brett. I as much as we have moved quickly (we've been together about 9 months and have bought a house and decided to get married) I've taken things on a completely different approach, not to try something new, but because, I am in love now, if I am as sure as I think I am that this is long term, I have the rest of my life to get married, settle down, his company is awesome, and I enjoy it. It doesnt need to be any more than that.

It so weird how things have happened with him, my mindset is so different, and I think and feel a way I never thought possible.

I look around myself everyday now and I can honestly say I love my life. Not because I get the fairy tale, but because I am blessed to have the people that I have, the talents that I have.

I am blessed that I can spend time alone, that I can go spend time with my friends and family without Brett.

I dont feel like I need to rush all my decisions, because I trully do have nothing but time.

So the last 18 months, I learned who I am and I would like to introduce myself.

I am Rachae. I am strong and sexy and independent, and smart. I love playing and writing acoustic indie/folk songs, I am confident, I am strong willed.

I am supported by a loving partner, great friends and a wonderful family. I love the rain, and kittens.

I dont like making decisions, I am untidy, I hate washing up, I love shoes (yes a newly found revelation believe it or not!). My life is beautiful.


Now, because of the last 18 months, I am happy being me, If I end up alone I will still be happy, I can overcome anything that gets thrown my way, because at the end of the day.... Its taken me almost 22 years, BUT... at the end of the day... I can smile because I am breathing. I can take my time because thats all I've got, I can put my faith in god that this is only the start of what is in store for me.

And for the first time in my life I am absolutley content.

I am me. And that is all I need to be. All I will ever need to be.



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<b> Per perdere un'illusione è scoprire la verità </b>
Rachae and Brett - Tenth of July Two Thousand and Ten
Mallory Rose - Twenty Eleven Twenty Eleven


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#2 ~Sally~

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 03:21 PM

You sound so happy after having come through such a rough time.

Congratulations on finding YOU, and on finding Brett too biggrin.gif

#3 lil chicken

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 03:30 PM

Wow! I loved reading your post and got goosebumps. It feels so good when you're ok with being 'you' and when you know what/who 'you' is.....very easy to get lost in routine or loose pieces of your personality around being in a relationship that doesn't support who you are.

Good on you.

I had a different journey this year, but also one of self discovery, and finding out what 'I' like to do (hobby wise)....it's very good for the soul blush.gif
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#4 purpledixie

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 03:31 PM

I can feel the peace coming from the words you have written, there is no anger or resentment just contentment.

Good on you I am glad you have reached this place in your life.

You sound very happy.

Best of luck!

#5 ~*JAC*~

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 05:34 PM

I just loved reading this. What you have gone through is very similar to what I am going through at the moment. I am in the process of finding myself again, and all the things that make ME happy, and I'm loving every minute.

Good to have you back here, in a totally different, and fabulous head space!
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#6 TEN

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 07:48 PM

Welcome back Shae smile.gif Good to see you around again!

It sounds like you have gone through some serious change and growth, and I am so happy for you that you have come out the other side so happy smile.gif

Congrats on the engagement too - I want to hear about that too biggrin.gif

#7 Racheous

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 08:24 PM

Go Rachae! So lovely to hear you so content within yourself and your life happy.gif
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#8 Decembergirl

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 08:51 PM

Rachae it's really lovely to hear you being so positive. You're clearly full of life and loving every minute of it. I look forward to seeing you around a bit more often now. smile.gif
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#9 Wordlover

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 09:33 PM

It's good to see you back and happy! I've always enjoyed your posts and had wondered where you'd got to. All the best for the next steps of your journey smile.gif.

#10 Rachae

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 07:51 AM

Thanks everyone.

It is such a splendid feeling being at the point I am now.

JAC It is nice to hear that people go through the same thing, and I hope my post can be of spome help to you.

Thank you all for your kind words. and congratulotory messages. smile.gif
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<b> Per perdere un'illusione è scoprire la verità </b>
Rachae and Brett - Tenth of July Two Thousand and Ten
Mallory Rose - Twenty Eleven Twenty Eleven


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#11 Leapstar

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 08:07 AM

What a lovely uplifting post.

Your journey really seems to have been deep and soul searching, and while its still YOU whom has emerged, its a YOU who seems better, brighter, happier and to use a very underrated word..content smile.gif

Congrats on finding your way back to yourself biggrin.gif

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#12 zuzka

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 08:54 AM

wow, what an empowering post! It's great to see people that are confindent in what they do and decisions they make. Even if it took a little time and searching at the end it's all worth it.
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#13 beachgurl

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Posted 06 December 2009 - 06:17 AM

Rachae, great to hear from you. It is so completely true that you need to be by yourself to learn to love yourself and know who you really are. I found that once I did that, the sort of person I dated was different and I did find "the one".

How wonderful that you are so happy and loving life. And congratulations on your engagement!

#14 Rachae

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Posted 06 December 2009 - 06:12 PM

Thanks beautiful!!

its really is soo different.
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<b> Per perdere un'illusione è scoprire la verità </b>
Rachae and Brett - Tenth of July Two Thousand and Ten
Mallory Rose - Twenty Eleven Twenty Eleven


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#15 Trishy

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Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:06 PM

Hi Rachae,

I found this story written so well & found your honestly amazing!

I went through many good / bad realtionships but I would not change anything for the world, this is how I became the person I am today & was able to let my husband in & whilst we have had a ruff patch (not to do with us as a couple, just life) we are stronger than ever.

I wish you all the luck & be proud of the woman you are today!
LOVE & LIGHT




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