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#1 cheryl6

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 06:51 PM

Well I really need to get this off my chest, so if you don't want to listen to rambling stop reading now. LOL

My DF and I have been engaged for 8 and 1/2 years and I have been planning our wedding for at least 5 years, in between having children (we are now onto our 7th one) so it is a massive deal to me and he knows that.

His idea of a wedding is to get married at the registry office (or wherever you do it) and getting a wedding band each and that is it, I thought that he was just being a typical male not interested because it is so far away but obviously I am wrong. He thinks that it is just too much money to spend, a waste as he puts it. I also thought it was because he doesn't like being in crowds, hates going to shopping centres etc. But I asked him tonight as I just don't want to keep organising things if he really doesn't want to get married and he said that it is just a waste of money and we could use it for better things, but why then did he bother to ask me to marry him?

Our wedding budget is $12000 so not a massive amount compared to some but it is still a lot, I know. I have already put on lay-by my dress and I have so many things in the pipeline to book so now I am wondering what to do. I have wanted to get married to him for so long, even going so far as thinking about just having a ceremony and maybe a cake and leaving it at that, but I know that deep down I will regret not doing it properly, I just wanted to have my special day, and I think that after 7 children (well it will be by the time we are due to get married) I deserve something for me.

Anyway, I do understand where he is coming from but my main issue is why did we bother to get engaged if he never planned on marrying me?

MEN. rolleyes.gif

Thanks for reading if you got through it all, and I am sorry if I made no sense I am just a little bit upset about it right now.
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#2 Arial

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 06:54 PM

I can understand why you are upset.
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#3 _Alana_

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 07:27 PM

Honestly - I have to agree with your partner. When you have 7 children $12000 is ALOT of money. I think you could cut alot of things done to make it smaller and more comfortable for you both. Who wants a grumpy groom? Sorry JMO
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#4 mmmmcake

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 07:54 PM

Cheryl, I believe that in every aspect of relationships there has to be compromise and it's decent that you are willing to take his feelings on board because i'm sure in a lot of situations the groom has no say. You can have a nice wedding and "your special day" without all the fanfare your FH wants to avoid.
I disagree with Alana about the comment about $12000. As long as it wont greatly effect your finances it's irrelevant. If you have saved that money and don't really desperately need for something else then go for it.
You deserve it just as much as the next person! Just because you have 7 children doesn't mean you should have a simple wedding. I actually think its a massive cause for celebration. 7 children later and you are still going strong. I can absolutely understand why you are disappointed. You have every right to be upset.
Perhaps ask your DF what aspects of the wedding he really doesn't want and ensure he understands what things are important to you. Involve your children in the planning. Make it less of a "show" and more about a commitment. He will come around.

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#5 *Michelle*

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE(cheryl6 @ Nov 9 2009, 07:51 PM) View Post



why did we bother to get engaged if he never planned on marrying me?





But he does want to marry you just not in a big wedding.

I can see how you would be upset.I probably would have been also if my hubby wanted something that casual.

Can u guys meet somewhere in the middle???

Good Luck.
Sit him down, explain it all to him, explain why it is important to you but i do think you will both have to compromise a bit.Perhaps if you show him you are willing he will also compromise and you may get a little closer to the wedding you want
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#6 Mellybel

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 11:17 AM

QUOTE(*Michelle* @ Nov 10 2009, 06:47 AM) View Post

But he does want to marry you just not in a big wedding.

I can see how you would be upset.I probably would have been also if my hubby wanted something that casual.

Can u guys meet somewhere in the middle???

Good Luck.
Sit him down, explain it all to him, explain why it is important to you but i do think you will both have to compromise a bit.Perhaps if you show him you are willing he will also compromise and you may get a little closer to the wedding you want


Exactly what I was going to say - and altho it sounds like you want a bigger wedding than he does, as a bride to me it is a lot of money to spend on one day, much rather spend it on our house/a holiday - and we don't have seven kids...

I went along with a big wedding because that's what our families (altho mine would've been okay with eloping) and the groom wanted - and I was focused on the marriage not the wedding day - and I still am annoyed about it.

Just my opinion tho, and IU'm sure lots of ladies on here would see if differently...

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#7 cheryl6

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 02:41 PM

Thanks so much for the replies.

I do understand that he wants a smaller casual wedding and I am trying to compromise (I have tried to talk to him today about it), we cant really compromise on who we have as it is only immediate family (siblings, which includes step siblings, parents, grandparents and aunts/uncles) and then a few close friends. The only other thing that I can change is where we have it, which we could have it at home and just have nibbles etc. I just didn't want to go that casual, mainly because when we get the photos back, most of our guests would be in casual clothes and it would look like just another get together.

I guess we have to go back to the drawing board and decide what we are going to do.

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#8 *Lib**

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 02:51 PM

What about a family holiday to Bali, and getting married there? Just you 2 and the kids?
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#9 T-T

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 03:03 PM

^^^^^

That's a great idea Lib. They do some really great wedding/holiday packages. Friends of mine married there last year and it was so beautiful and romantic.

#10 katya

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 04:36 PM

I think it's entirely fair for you to want your wedding to be special and after seven children you both deserve it. I can also see where your fiance is coming from, his priorities just happen to be very practical, I think. Another issue might also be his perception of a wedding and its associated costs. Perhaps you need to give him a more concrete idea.

I think that an intimate garden or church wedding and a reception in a private room of a restaurant or a small room in a function centre is entirely posible with a budget under $12k. You don't need all the frills that come with a wedding to make it more special than a casual affair. There are brides here who have spent half that amount on their beautiful weddings. There's also no reason why you can't turn a backyard wedding into your dream wedding. Check this out http://www.younghous.../wedding-album/. It's something to think about as a compromise. Seriously if my parents had a beautiful big backyard I would have wanted a backyard wedding. The thought did cross my mind but while my parents' backyard is big it is by no means beautiful. I hope you come to a compromise you're both happy with.

#11 ~AnA~

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 04:44 PM

I'm sorry that this situation is very frustrating for you!

I would consider different reception options, as this tends to take up largest chunk of the budget. It doesn't have to be at your home either, as I understand that you want this to be very special.

Some girls here have held cocktail receptions, lunches, or h'orderves instead of a three course dinner. Consider smaller reception venues or restaurants rather than big ones with beautiful exteriors. Consider a cake from a regular cake shop rather than a traditional wedding cake (ours was only $200 and it fed 250 people). Some girls here have also done a fantastic job on budgets of $5000 or less, so it's definitely possible!

I hope you find a solution with your DH, and I also hope he understands how important this is to you.

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#12 mmmmcake

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 10:06 PM

QUOTE(Liberarchi @ Nov 10 2009, 03:51 PM) View Post

What about a family holiday to Bali, and getting married there? Just you 2 and the kids?


That's a great idea Lib. smile.gif

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#13 Antarian

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Posted 12 November 2009 - 11:02 AM

QUOTE(katya @ Nov 10 2009, 05:36 PM) View Post


Oh wow, that's really beautiful


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