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Best man wants strippers


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#31 GoodiesGirl

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Posted 08 December 2009 - 01:19 PM

Ok, thought I'd add my 2 cents too.... I don't love the idea of strippers, but at the same time, if its something the boys want to do, then I don't have a problem with it. At the end of the day I trust him with no reservations, and I know he'll always come home. In the whole period of our relationship, I know he has only be present once with a stripper around, and that was at his BIL's bucks. He told me she was there and that she really wasn't worth looking at, and I believe him.

I guess a lot of it comes down to trust and being secure in yourself and your relationship.

I wont be going to strippers for my hens, but thats because they do absolutely nothing for me.

I don't believe that all men want to see strippers, I think thats rubbish, if they did, they would, regardless of what their girlfriends/wives/fiancees had to say about it.

I also don't believe you need to be snooping around in his emails, how would you feel if he'd done the same to you?

I think you need to be honest and come clean. If you can't trust each other, how long will the marriage last?

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#32 katemonster

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:28 PM

I abhor the idea of mr monster seeing strippers but it has nothing to do with trust issues. it has everything to do with encouraging the exploitation of women. I'd like to think that my partner has respect not only for me, but for all women in general. paying to see a woman to take her clothes off perpetuates exploitation, condones objectification and does not respect women.

there is such a double standard in place with men who think it's ok to see strippers but would be horrified if their own sister did it for money. if a man doesn't consider it ok for his sister to it, it's not ok for any woman to do it. it's an industry created by men that is based on women being subordinate to men and I have a fundamental problem with that.

if the social conditions didn't exist that result in women experiencing much greater socioeconomic disadvantage compared to men the industry would not exist and women would not be placed in the position where stripping for money was even an option.

if the industry did not exist it would send the message that placing women in such a vulnerable position is not ok and that perhaps we should focus on creating social change and enabling women to realise their full potential instead of having to resort to being objectified in order to financially survive. men need to think a little bit more about how their seemingly harmless choice to see strippers affects women globally.

many people don't have a problem with stripping because they look at it from a (IMHO superficial) point of view by focusing on the trust aspect between them and their partner and how it affects them personally. they genuinely don't realise the affect it has on women globally. but not every stripper lives in a country where she has the means to just stop if and whenever she wants to.

if people believe they are making truly informed decisions about seeing strippers, then that is their choice. those who make inaccurate generalisations like 'they enjoy it' and simplifying the issue by saying 'it's their choice' to justify seeing strippers is misleading and perpetuates ignorance about the realities of how women come to be in that position in the first place.

at any rate, I don't want to be the woman my partner comes home to after staring at half naked women all night, and I certainly don't buy the line that the groom is completely at the mercy of his mates in his bucks night. the groom can still be in full control of his faculties and is responsible for his choices on that night. at any point in the night can choose to walk away from something he doesn't feel comfortable with. some grooms take such a passive role when it comes to their bucks night, and it often becomes all about the kind of night out the best man wants. it's purely an attempt to justify behaviour that wouldn't be tolerated at any other stage of a relationship.

#33 Camigirl72

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 03:37 PM

Wow, You are 100% correct with that statment...

Makes me sound REALLY dumb, but it was the message I did Try to get across without stepping on peoples toes about the subject!
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#34 katemonster

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 06:09 PM

QUOTE(Camigirl72 @ Dec 9 2009, 04:37 PM) View Post

Wow, You are 100% correct with that statment...

Makes me sound REALLY dumb, but it was the message I did Try to get across without stepping on peoples toes about the subject!


not at all, you made really good points!

I certainly don't mean to step on people's toes but am passionate about increasing people's awareness of the fact that not all women are in a position to independently choose to stop stripping if they want. patronising such an industry that exploits women sends a message that this is ok. I honestly think that if more men started thinking of strippers as someone's daughter or sister in asia or eastern europe from an impoverished background who is reliant on their male boss in every aspect they'd think twice about paying to see some T&A.

#35 ~Kylie~

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 09:12 PM

Hear hear Katemonster smile.gif

That is exactly why I was against the idea of having strippers at our bucks/hens. Yep.. hens too (IMO). If I'm not comfortable having my DH see strippers at his bucks, why should it be ok for me to do the same? Just my personal opinion of course.

Melamoo, I hope you were able to talk with your DH about the plans, and that everything went ok!!
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#36 LoveSweetpea

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:04 PM

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#37 APRILFOOLBRIDE

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 09:41 PM

I am not excited about the idea but i do trust my man and his friends for that matter - I have made a request that i dont hear or see any pictures of the bucks night and i feel this is for the best as its natural to feel anxious . I Know my H2B and his mates well enough to know its all a bit of fun they are great guys and do respect women but its a bucks i know my man will be more embarrassed then anything else - That is the aim i know amongst our friends anyway .

Hope it all went well for you
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#38 Je suis enceinte!

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 10:05 PM

QUOTE(katemonster @ Dec 9 2009, 02:58 PM) View Post

if the social conditions didn't exist that result in women experiencing much greater socioeconomic disadvantage compared to men the industry would not exist and women would not be placed in the position where stripping for money was even an option.

if the industry did not exist it would send the message that placing women in such a vulnerable position is not ok and that perhaps we should focus on creating social change and enabling women to realise their full potential instead of having to resort to being objectified in order to financially survive. men need to think a little bit more about how their seemingly harmless choice to see strippers affects women globally.

many people don't have a problem with stripping because they look at it from a (IMHO superficial) point of view by focusing on the trust aspect between them and their partner and how it affects them personally. they genuinely don't realise the affect it has on women globally. but not every stripper lives in a country where she has the means to just stop if and whenever she wants to.

if people believe they are making truly informed decisions about seeing strippers, then that is their choice. those who make inaccurate generalisations like 'they enjoy it' and simplifying the issue by saying 'it's their choice' to justify seeing strippers is misleading and perpetuates ignorance about the realities of how women come to be in that position in the first place.


I'm sorry but I think most of what you've said is a load of crap, especially my bold, based on my experience with several friends that I have that are strippers.

In my greater circle, I have 5 friends that are strippers. Four of which are university graduates. Smart, beautiful, classy (yes, I SAID CLASSY) women, who could work in a 9-5 job but CHOOSE not to. I've met many of their stripper friends and most of these ladies are the same.

Its not all about women who don't know their potential, or feel they have no other choice.

Your opinion may well be true based on some doco's or news articles you've read where some media have (surprise surprise) embellished the story, but I assure you, in most cases, its far from the truth.

*edit to add: oops didn't mean to post this from my anon! Am not hiding behind my anon either by the way, would quite happily say all this from my normal account but can't now without giving my anon away. I'll come back in a few weeks after my reveal!
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#39 Monica

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 10:14 PM

Totally agree with the above
Not all women strip because they can't do anything else.

My DH wouldn't be interested in most of the strip joints in Kings Cross, they aren't classy and I'm sure he spent all his well earned $$$ on that years ago.

Pole dancing is where it's at.

My DH chose to spend his bucks on a houseboat on the Hawkesbury with 8 of his pals, had they got a stripper in, I would not have cared one iota
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#40 KiJo

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Posted 30 April 2010 - 02:07 PM

I also agree with JSE and Monica..

Also, let's not forget that their are PLENTY of Male strippers out there as well... Would you say that a female going to a male strip show is a sign of disrespect for all men? I think not.

FWIW, I'm in the "don't particularly like the idea of strippers, but happy for DH to have one for his bucks" camp. We are having our Hens/Bucks shows in a few months and while I'm not having strippers (MOH assumed I would not want one, and she assumed right:)) I've got a pretty good idea that FH will be having one. He has said that he wants to go away for a weekend of deep sea fishing, golf & beers.. but Iv just assumed that his GMs (who I am also really close too) will organise a stripper for him. They know I'm ok with it coz I have openly said things like "well, im assuming you will get a stripper, so u just have to make sure that wherever you end up staying allows that". To be honest, I think it's a good thing for FH to do with his mates (while I would never tell him that:P) and I know he appreciates me more, for 'allowing' him to do so. Having said that...I would definitely not be happy with him going to a strip club unless it was for a bucks show.

It's a shame the OP didn't get back and update on what happened....
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