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#16 **SuzieP**

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Posted 15 July 2009 - 01:13 PM

Each to their own, but i think every guy wants strippers for their bucks. Regardless of what they say and them 'wanting a quiet night in with a bbq and a few drinks' Just like the girls have all grown up dreaming about the dress and the ring, the boys grow up thinking about their bucks.

My husband has been to numerous bucks parties and all involved some form of a stripper or strippers. For his own bucks from what i was told they had girls performing a full on sex show with toys in the private room they had booked. I dont consider that cheating. Was he excited over it? i bet he was. But I am comfortable in my own skin and in my relationship to not be threatened by skanky strippers.
I wasnt a fan of strippers for my own hens night, but when hte firemen came out at the club i wasnt going to complain. Its light entertainment.

Im not ok with my husband on a regular (no bucks night) outing going to a strip club.

For the bucks let him do whatever he wants. You do whatever you want. This is his night to let his hair down and have some fun with his mates. Look, i can understand your disappointment that your BM has organised strippers despite you asking there be none, but i dont think you should get too involved in what they do. Concentrate on the wedding and let him have his last night of official freedom.

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#17 oolala

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Posted 23 July 2009 - 09:17 PM

I think it's wrong to tell your partner what they can/can't do on their bucks/hens night. They are an adult, you're an adult. It's not a dictatorship, it's a relationship!

There is nothing wrong with telling them how you feel, and how those actions would make you feel and ask them to take that into account when making their decision.

I for one, have no problems with strippers. If my darling wants to go to a club for his bucks night, he's more than welcome to. I know he loves me, I know he wont cheat. I have no problem with him looking at girls in their undies. smile.gif

If a guy is going to cheat on you, he will do it regardless of whether he sees a stripper or not. People happy in relationships don't cheat.

Assuming that the girls are just trashy sluts out to seduce your future husbands is simply not realistic. FYI, I do work as a stripper, I don't seduce ANYONES husband, I'm not a moron, I'm not a liar or a cheat & I do the job simply because it's really easy, great money and fits in well with uni hours. My darling is fully supportive of this and has no trust issues at all (He's not the jealous type & very secure in our relationship).


#18 ozfiredancer

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Posted 05 August 2009 - 02:03 PM

Without getting into the argument about whether watching some nekkid ladies is cheating or not, you guys both have major trust issues. Seriously. I can understand why people feel uncomfortable about knowing their SO wants to see strippers, whether it's because of jealousy/you think it's degrading/you think it's cheating - whatever. People have strong views on both this and porn, and sexuality is a big part of the marriage you're entering into - you need to ensure that you're both on the same page.

What bothers me is your scary trust issues. You say that you were looking for an email from your celebrant - that may be so, but you still took the opportunity to snoop. Checking up on your partner smacks of a relationship in trouble, and you now run the risk of exposing yourself as a jealous/control-freak partner.
I can understand why you're angry that something is potentially being organised behind your back, and it's not something you're happy with, but the fact that you went so far as to check his emails is not a Good Thing. If you guys don't have open and honest communication channels when it comes to problems like this, your marriage will sit on uncertain ground.
I suggest you talk to him about your concerns that BM is organising strippers and reiterate why you don't want them involved. Don't hint that you know anything, but make it absolutely clear that you don't want them there, and that you know you can trust him [even though you obviously don't]. If he's a good man, he'll not go against your request, and will stop BM for organising it. But to sit and stew about what an arsehole the BM is isn't going to do anything. Are you friends with BM's partner? Maybe you could say something to her about it, and hope that she mentions it to him?

And just my $0.02 - I've not got a problem with strippers. I know that they aren't going to run off and shag my partner after he pops $5 into her undies, and I'm not going to deny him the chance to have a bit of a perve. Adam and I are both very open with our sexuality, and in turn, we constantly communicate about things we do and don't like. We're actually planning to meet up at the same strip club at the end of the bucks/hen's night!

Good luck.
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#19 Maxi

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Posted 05 August 2009 - 02:17 PM

QUOTE(**SuzieP** @ Jul 15 2009, 01:13 PM) View Post

Each to their own, but i think every guy wants strippers for their bucks. Regardless of what they say and them 'wanting a quiet night in with a bbq and a few drinks' Just like the girls have all grown up dreaming about the dress and the ring, the boys grow up thinking about their bucks.

Not my husband! He's a fairly quiet type and this is not at all what he's into. He does appreciate the female form - after all that's why he married me! wink.gif

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#20 ozfiredancer

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Posted 05 August 2009 - 02:39 PM

QUOTE(la_jeune_mariée @ Aug 5 2009, 02:27 PM) View Post

Not my husband either blink.gif

I don't get the 'all guys do X' and 'boys will be boys' thing. I definitely didn't grow up dreaming about my wedding, and my husband definitely didn't grow up thinking about his bucks night. I couldn't have cared less what he got up to but HE volunteered that he thought going to a strip bar in the lead up to our wedding day would be tacky.

Saying 'all guys want to see strippers' is like saying 'all women love doing laundry'. Aren't we a little more evolved than that?


Well said!
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#21 harmonysweetpea

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Posted 29 September 2009 - 01:04 PM

Personally I do not agree with the concept of the Hens/Bucks and it has always been that way. If it hasn't been a typical activity for the duration of the relationship, why on earth would a person need to do it before making such a significant commitment. I do have confidence issues with my own body, which are crazy because I know I have a great body. My partner isn't into it and we have always shared that trait. Neither of us are really into perving either and are very content in our relationships.

I have always said to him well before our engagement I'd prefer a day time activity with our friends, boys doing one thing, girls doing another, then for night, have a joint hens/bucks party. Afterall, most of his friends are actually my good friends also and it would be more fun as a joint thing. I know it will be a topic of stress for us when it comes closer. He doesn't have any interest in that sort of thing, but his brother has already hinted along those lines. But at the same time, his brother is very respectful of me and will hopefully not do anything I'd hate. And knowing FH, he should know that isn't his thing anyway.

My partner is actually going to a bucks night in a few weeks, as a groomsman and I was surprised to discover there are no stripper plans at all. Just a brewery tour and dinner, then pub crawl. My partner assured me right from the start he would not attend any stripper parts. In the end each relationship is different and we need to respect our partners wishes. It is not unreasonable to request no strippers!

#22 Maudie

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Posted 29 September 2009 - 04:33 PM

Strippers (both male and female) make my skin crawl. My cousin had a male stripper at her hens night and I hated it so much I left the room. It wasn't sexy at all. It was stupid and vile.

I am dreading this conversation - our wedding is quite a while away yet, but I know FH's moronic BM has already said a few comments about strippers (he is a pig though - that's why I am not marrying him!).

I kind of said to FH something along the lines of, "Do what you'd be happy to tell me about." He knows that I hate strippers, so him telling me how awesome the strippers were would be a horrible conversation. Also, I think, if you're happy to see strippers is it okay for me to be a stripper? Would he mind if I danced and gyrated half naked in front of a bunch of strangers? No? So why is it okay to be the stranger gawking at someone elses girlfriend, wife, mother, sister etc?

It's a personal thing - what works in one relationship might not fly in another.
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#23 Camigirl72

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Posted 12 October 2009 - 02:25 PM

100% against Strippers.

I have read "diary of a stripper" and she goes through what they do at their routine Bucks Nights and how she felt how everything was ok because they have set rules for the men like: No stripper is to sleep with the groom or other men at the party. Though she mentioned it was her rule, but not all strippers follow!

even though she was going through step by step of what they do, and made out that it was ok, I dont think I'd be comfortable for my H2B to be seated in the middle of the room while the strippers strip down completly nude and give the G2B a Lap dance as well as letting them eat fruit and cream off their naked Bodies (Private Strippers)

I dont know who'd feel comfortable with that. The diaries also tell of how the best man (evil as he is) is always the one pushing the G2B for him to go further with the strippers. when it came down to it only a small portion of men do actually ask for sexual favours, most get carried away by the peer pressure and once again another small percent are completly against any form of cheating on there W2B.

And I will add, if i caught My Guy looking at 20yr old Girls in bikinis he'd get a kick up the A$$ I dont know how you can feel thats ok (refering to person who said this was ok)

People have different opinions, so I suggest stick to yours, dont let anyone say that its ok if you dont feel it is!! I know that some people I know arent bothered by it, but i am, so its not ok for me! I am open with my partner and he does understand how uncomfortable I feel about these things, even though he thinks absolutly nothing of it. Your H2B should respect how you feel and not go behind your back!!

Hopefully it went well... and No I am not strongly opinative and going against women on here... like I said one to there own!! biggrin.gif
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#24 flowerrose

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Posted 12 October 2009 - 05:29 PM

Like with porn this all too often gets turned into a debate about how liberal the individual is or otherwise. That is not the point here. It is about setting the parameters of your relationship that you are both comfortable with and abiding by them. If you have agreed no strippers then that should be what happens and your views on the subject override BM’s.

I think you’re going to have to discuss this with FH even if it means fessing up to reading the email. Maybe you can also use it to discuss privacy expectations in the relationship. For what it’s worth I’m always checking DH’s email and him mine. I freely admit I’m a sticky beak and he has no problem with it. It’s not a trust issue – we just let each other know when they’ve got new mail if either of us is on the computer.


#25 Camigirl72

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Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:08 AM

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Oct 12 2009, 06:29 PM) View Post

Like with porn this all too often gets turned into a debate about how liberal the individual is or otherwise. That is not the point here. It is about setting the parameters of your relationship that you are both comfortable with and abiding by them. If you have agreed no strippers then that should be what happens and your views on the subject override BM’s.

I think you’re going to have to discuss this with FH even if it means fessing up to reading the email. Maybe you can also use it to discuss privacy expectations in the relationship. For what it’s worth I’m always checking DH’s email and him mine. I freely admit I’m a sticky beak and he has no problem with it. It’s not a trust issue – we just let each other know when they’ve got new mail if either of us is on the computer.


I do agree, this is how my partner and I are. We have nothing to hide from each other. And like I stated above. Its personal opinion on others about strippers/porn etc. flowerrose: I think you hit the nail on the head with what I was trying to say! biggrin.gif
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#26 Livvy

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Posted 27 October 2009 - 03:00 PM

ok after reading what everyone wrote i have to my two cents in lol

well my FH is having a bbq or pizza thing at home with the boys and then go to a few pubs to run a muck BUT......... i know as i have spoken many times with his BM even though i said no strippers that the BM wants to see some and wants to take FH to some. i dont approve but if i say no what do u seriously think will happen??

if you think your FH wont see strippers even though he says to you and friends i dont want any or to see any then u obviously dont know what a man thinks with! sorry to put it so bluntly. women love romance we know that. men love sex, women and cars and in that order loooool so let them have their last nite of fun and then on the wedding nite give him the best sex hes ever had and he will always want to come home to you. my mothers advice that was lol thats what she told me when i was little younger than i am now. make a man happy in bed and he wont stray.

so relax and let him be who he is a man! (sorry if i offended anyone)
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#27 flowerrose

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 03:44 PM

QUOTE(Livvy @ Oct 27 2009, 02:00 PM) View Post

on the wedding nite give him the best sex hes ever had and he will always want to come home to you. my mothers advice that was lol thats what she told me when i was little younger than i am now. make a man happy in bed and he wont stray.


You're kidding, right?

I'm not even going to comment on the raging stereotype that you have pigeonholed all men into but I would like to know this: If, after a few years of marriage and shortly after your firstborn arrives, do you still expect to be swinging from the chandeliers - re-enacting every page from the karma sutra each night just to keep your man from straying? For your sake I hope DF isn’t as shallow as you make him out to be.

OP - has he had the bucks night yet? What happened?


#28 Puggie

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE(**SuzieP** @ Jul 15 2009, 02:13 PM) View Post

Each to their own, but i think every guy wants strippers for their bucks. Regardless of what they say and them 'wanting a quiet night in with a bbq and a few drinks'

Not my hubby, either blink.gif

He and his best man had free reign to do whatever they wanted for his bucks party. I didn't see it as an event I needed to/should have input into - so they were free to have it when/where/with whomever they wanted. They had lunch and a few quiet ales at an Irish bar. Apparently that's what hubby wanted.

#29 Camigirl72

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 09:59 AM

I think men are all different, so they cant really be categorized that they "all" want a stripper, some just aren't interested.... some have a giggle with their friends on how they would get a stripper, but never do... and some, actually think going to the strippers are part of tradition and they want to go!

These "strippers" are woman too... my partner WAY before we met when he was a fresh 18-19year old, went to the Miss Nude Tasmania (which his sister wanted to go to, thought she'd meet single guys, Um, Naked girls to look at or the girl who came with her brother??) Anyway, he got completly rotten off his face! he had a picture taken with the girls (you pay for) and he was all smiles while the girls around him looked quite disgusted while he attempted to 'almost' grope a girls boob... so these woman have respect for themselves enough to know where there is no touchys in areas...

I dont think I'd want to HAVE to give my Partner sex just soooooo he stays completely faithfull... my goodness I'd be all worn out and sore... wacko.gif

But I dont think "Livvy" Meant that comment that way, lol But I do understand both your opinions... Sometimes giving your guy a special night once in awhile keeps the Romance alive in your relationship... just enough... but not to much... I'd seriously feel used if I did!!
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#30 jet

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 10:30 AM

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Oct 28 2009, 04:44 PM) View Post

You're kidding, right?

I'm not even going to comment on the raging stereotype that you have pigeonholed all men into but I would like to know this: If, after a few years of marriage and shortly after your firstborn arrives, do you still expect to be swinging from the chandeliers - re-enacting every page from the karma sutra each night just to keep your man from straying? For your sake I hope DF isn’t as shallow as you make him out to be.

OP - has he had the bucks night yet? What happened?


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