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11yr old daughter upset at school.


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#1 Bethmd

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 12:15 PM

Mel is 11, 12 in July. In the Christmas hols I got her bras, she refused to wear them in the hols but I have had to insist she wears them to school. Weekends she won't wear one.
She knows all about periods & that is what is next in line for her re puberty.
She has worn deodorant for more than 12mths now.
She is very private when it comes to getting changed, bathroom door locked, that sort of thing.
WELL the teacher just phoned me to say that she got upset today when they got back from swimming the girls were all getting changed in the classroom & she wasn't happy with this. Teacher has told her she can get changed in the toilets next week. Mel apparently commented to teacher that she "is not like the other girls" Not sure what was meant by this. I know she isn't the first to get a bra.
I am wondering if maybe she thinks that what is happening to her is not normal? She has read the books "Where did I come from" & "What is happening to me"
I will talk to her tonite but I know she will get annoyed.
Thoughts, opinions?
Thanks.
Beth
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#2 tastebud

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 01:12 PM

Perhaps all you can do is be patient and understanding about the whole transition? It's just such a change and an adjusment I think. All very embarrassing.

Difficult I know if she gets irritated at your attempts to talk to her, reassure her etc.

I was a very early developer and every night I prayed for someone to take those boobs away. They attracted attention when all I wanted was to blend in, ugh.

I think all you can do is tell her you're there if she has anything on her mind. Even share some of your own history around your feelings re bodily changes as a teenager. Doesn't sound like direct quesitoning will go down that well.

Good luck
x
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#3 bats

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 01:13 PM

The poor girl...sounds like she is going through what I did and what my poor niece is going through right now.

Is it possible she got her period and hasnt told you? Or maybe she has started growing pubic hair and the other girls haven't

I went through puberty before all my friends. I even use to steal my Mums razors and shave the hair off just so I could be like the other girls.

I've ntoiced my neice keeps telling us that she is fat - which she isnt at all - but she has grown a more womenly figure, with boobs, bum and hips while her friends mostly still have little girl bodies - this is an issue for her. She also hates that she has to wear a bra and her friends mostly still wear little crop tops. She is the exact same age as your daughter.

I cried when my Mum brought me bras - just thought it was so unfair

All I can suggest is dont push it too much when you chat to her - it might make it worse. Maybe if start the converstion by chatting about yourself - like damn this bra was annoying today - something like that so its casual and not about her.

My Mum always made periods etc way to much of a "private" thing so I was ashamed and lied to all my friends when it did happen. Than the more I spent time with women who discussed it openly the less of an issue it became

Best of luck - being a pre-teen girl is hard work, can only imagine how hard it is to be the Mum

Thinking of you
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#4 Bethmd

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 02:28 PM

QUOTE(bats @ Mar 6 2009, 02:13 PM) View Post

Is it possible she got her period and hasnt told you? Or maybe she has started growing pubic hair and the other girls haven't

I've ntoiced my neice keeps telling us that she is fat - which she isnt at all - but she has grown a more womenly figure, with boobs, bum and hips while her friends mostly still have little girl bodies - this is an issue for her. She also hates that she has to wear a bra and her friends mostly still wear little crop tops. She is the exact same age as your daughter.

She has had hair under her arms for over 12mths now. She had an underarm wax in the Christmas hols. She had been begging for it then when the time came she freaked out & hasn't wanted to go back. She does wear a rash shirt for swimming so I don't think that could be the issue.
May well have had a period, the pads are in the bathroom draw so she would have access.
She is a solid build but so are several of her friends but a lot are skinny too.
She is playing rugby in a school comp, 2nd game tonite so I will brace it after that.
Thanks ladies.

QUOTE(tastebud @ Mar 6 2009, 02:12 PM) View Post

Perhaps all you can do is be patient and understanding about the whole transition? It's just such a change and an adjusment I think. All very embarrassing.

Difficult I know if she gets irritated at your attempts to talk to her, reassure her etc.

I was a very early developer and every night I prayed for someone to take those boobs away. They attracted attention when all I wanted was to blend in, ugh.

I think all you can do is tell her you're there if she has anything on her mind. Even share some of your own history around your feelings re bodily changes as a teenager. Doesn't sound like direct quesitoning will go down that well.

Good luck
x

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#5 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 03:09 PM

The poor little chook. It's a tough age isn't it? I really feel for her.

I remember when I first got my period (late developer) my older sister made a big song and dance and danced around the room singing 'you're wearing a surf board, you're wearing a surf board' and pretending to surf on the bed end. Actually pretty funny in hindsight but I remember being so HUMILIATED and really, really indescribably angry. We had an enormous punch up, which we weren't prone to doing at that age so our parents got involved (My mother herself had been less than helpful about the whole thing but that's a whole other story rolleyes.gif ). I sobbed and sobbed with shame, not really understanding why I was so upset, which made me even moreso. It was a shit, shit time.

Do you have any stories of your own you can share with her? Don't expect her to say anything, but it might help.
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#6 Bethmd

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 06:03 PM

She isn't talking. I asked her how her day was & she said "fine" I asked her how swimming was & she said "fine" So I told her the teacher phoned & she said nothing.
I guess I could tell her that when my mother bought me my first bra I cut it up but I don't want to give her any ideas.
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#7 Bethmd

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 06:21 AM

I spoke to Mel before bed last nite & she said that the boys were looking in through the classroom window & that is what upset her. I told her that the teacher has said next week she could go to the bathroom to get changed & she was cranky that she had not been allowed to get changed this week in the bathroom. Said the same thing had happened in yr 3.
Not sure if that is the truth or if that is what she is telling me so I will stop talking to her about it.
I think I am in for a fun few years!!!
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#8 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 06:30 AM

At least nwo you know why she was upset. Although I would be interested int eh teachers comment that she isnt like the other girls.

It seems very bizzare to me that they would all be changing in the classroom in the first place. especially at that age. Hope things go more smoothly next week.
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#9 Bethmd

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 03:49 PM

QUOTE(pinkbutterfly @ Mar 7 2009, 07:30 AM) View Post

At least nwo you know why she was upset. Although I would be interested int eh teachers comment that she isnt like the other girls.

It seems very bizzare to me that they would all be changing in the classroom in the first place. especially at that age. Hope things go more smoothly next week.


Apparently Mel said that isn't like the others. My understanding is that there is little time at the pool so they get changed at school before & after. We shall see what happens next week.
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#10 chelley

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 10:25 PM

You may find that the school is getting them changed not at the pool to save them from the risk of any strangers looking at them in the public change rooms - at least they can control this more at school.

Hang in there and let her know that you are always open to talk. I was an early developer and it was horrendous - I hated my first few bras they felt so constrictive and young immature boys can be cruel.

I hope she opens up to you soon
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