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#1 emma-lou

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:08 PM

You know, I used to say that "I wont let anyone tell me bad things about our wedding, or put us down or listen to their comments" but all of a sudden it is getting to me..

My family is very supportive for what we are doing, yes they say "its formal" or you know something to stir us, but they give us their opinion and but then say, "its up to you, you guys do what you want". That part doesn't bother me, we all have our opinions and its nice to hear that they say it to your face.

Its the others that are getting to me.. The brother in law -2b hasn't been supportive of his brother, the partner puts their two bob in by saying that our wedding doesn't suit "the family" or its "too fancy" but they say it behind our back. they don't say anything to us, but just winges and b ** ches about us.
This is what is getting to me, they just arn't positive. Nothing positive towards us, nothing nice. I guess there is only so much that you can take.

Plus do you tell them anything, i've resulted to not saying anything at all.. nothing about dress's, nothing about his suits, nothing about flowers. Is this bad that we are not saying anything about the wedding?? We just feel that they don't give two hoots about us.
Thank you for listening. I had to get everything off my chest, but also ask for advice.. i'm boiling up inside.. smile.gif thanks ladies..
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#2 Nae

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:18 PM

Miss Em people can be so mean when it involves other peoples happiness. My advice would be to try to ignore them. The only thing you need to think about is how much you and FH love each other and the reasons you are getting married in the first place, then eventually everything will just fall into place smile.gif
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#3 Becca13

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:19 PM

Sounds like good old fashioned jealousy to me.
You are planning a wonderful, beautiful day and to me it just sounds as if they would love/would have loved to have the same.

Don't let them worry you, keep everything under your hat which will piss them off even more tongue.gif

#4 emma-lou

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:55 PM

QUOTE(Becca13 @ Nov 13 2008, 03:19 PM) View Post

Sounds like good old fashioned jealousy to me.
You are planning a wonderful, beautiful day and to me it just sounds as if they would love/would have loved to have the same.

Don't let them worry you, keep everything under your hat which will piss them off even more tongue.gif


Thankyou girls so much! biggrin.gif I guess that there is only so much that you can put up with! We were both very upset about the way his brother is acting, just feels that he isn't supporting us and thats really sad. Thankyou girls for your suppport. smile.gif
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#5 beth

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 04:30 PM

QUOTE(Becca13 @ Nov 13 2008, 02:49 PM) View Post

Sounds like good old fashioned jealousy to me.
You are planning a wonderful, beautiful day and to me it just sounds as if they would love/would have loved to have the same.

Don't let them worry you, keep everything under your hat which will piss them off even more tongue.gif

I agree! Sounds like a little of the green eyed monster. Try not to let it get to you, we had the other end of the spectrum - ppl in our bridal party turning their noses up at our little registry office wedding. No matter what you choose ppl will complain rolleyes.gif
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#6 ~AnA~

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Posted 13 November 2008 - 07:08 PM

Just continue to do what you're doing.. you will have a lovely day, and I'm sure you're family will end up being happy with the day!

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#7 Emma-Jane

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 08:22 AM

If they are not saying it to you directly you are hearing from somewhere. I would then ask that person/s to not tell you anything negative about the wedding that they have been told or overheard.

You are doing a good job by not talking about the wedding with them, they dont deserve to hear your joy.

Ignore them and they will soon get the picture - be strong and vent on here wink.gif
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#8 emma-lou

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 02:26 PM

Thank you to everyone! smile.gif I read everything and you are all correct, that I don't have to listen to anything, nor do I have to say anything to anyone who is going to be negative!
Really appreciate it girls!! biggrin.gif
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#9 *Tori*

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Posted 17 November 2008 - 05:29 PM

Hi Miss Em,
What a rediculous thing to say
'Too fancy for our family!'
Sorry to say it, but that sounds a little snobish in itself. And anyway its not just about their family anyway, its about the two families coming together to watch you and your FH create a new family.
-and it's not too fancy for the new family, but just right wink.gif.
Take whatever they say with a grain of salt and just enjoy yourselves.
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#10 MsGems

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 09:48 AM

Were you close to your BIL and his partner before the wedding plans started?

Everyone's going to have their opinions on other people's weddings, and they haven't said it to your face. Maybe they were just saying that they wouldn't have a wedding as fancy as you plan to?

What kind of 'support' are you expecting from them? Do you want them to be more involved in the planning or to just talk to you about it more?
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#11 emma-lou

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 12:22 PM


What kind of "support" well, H2b feels it would be nice for them to "support" a wedding, "support" your brother, even to be excited for us.
I don't expect them to be involved in the wedding planning, nor to ask more about it.

I completely understand people having a opinion about weddings, engagements, etc, people have opinions about everything. It is how people approach the subject. How people execute their response, and comments.


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#12 MsGems

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 03:12 PM

So by support you just want them to be excited for you, or is there more you want? It’s not really clear what you’re after in the way of support if you don’t want them to be involved or asked about it? I’m sure they are excited for you, they just don’t necessarily show it all the time smile.gif Everyone loves a wedding!! smile.gif

If you’re hearing all this stuff that’s being said “behind your back”, why not approach them about it if it’s all about the approach? How do you know that the person passing on all the information isn’t twisting the words of your BIL – to be and his partner?
I agree that it’s about the approach, so have you tried approaching them about it and addressing the situation? It’s clearly effecting you, so I’m just curious unsure.gif Thinking about all the aspects might help you get a little clarity on the situation smile.gif

I hope I’m not sounding nasty, I’m just curious about it all. If my OH and I eventually married it’ll be my second trip down the aisle so there’s a chance I’ll encounter some family hostility in the future, especially since he’s a twin and depending on who marries first there could be a bit of jealousy … I’m just interested in seeing both sides of the coin IYKIWM smile.gif

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#13 silverminnow

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Posted 24 January 2009 - 12:57 AM

smile.gif My favourite saying when people are putting you/your ideas down is " Opinions are like a*&^h$les, everyone has one and they all stink!!!! This is a ripper of a description and so true!

Dont let families drag you down!~ Trust me, I speak from experience!

#14 leebec

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Posted 13 March 2009 - 01:32 PM

My MIL2B is just painful fullstop. My FIL2B is great. Very mellow, very laid back doesnt mind, actually he really doesnt care about much and is just happy with his garden blower in his hand, seriously.

My MIL2B is the sort that discount shops (nothing wrong with that) and i would say hasnt bought any new cloths since 1988. She completely dies everytime my H2B mentions anything to do about me buying clothes, is completley aghast when i mention presents i have bought for friends babies. Spent $70 on my best friends baby in Seed and she told me it was stupid and irresponsible and that i shouldnt be wasting my money on them as other people will buy stuff, this was my best friend!

I really hate to think what is going to happen when they find out we are getting married (only people who know are my parents & girlfriends) and even then that the reception is going to be fairly expensive (not stupid but you know) not that its a worry as mum and dad are paying for most of the wedding, or the type of cars or flowers, or cake or even my dress, gosh all my friends and even my mum will be on a strict no price telling around her as she will literally die with the amount i am spending (its actually not that bad).

Its just hard, we like our house which my partner has had for 7 years to be nice, we bought every single thing in that house bar the bed brand new and are proud that we saved and paid for it but it was all a waste of money and we should have taken hand me downs according to her and the same goes for when i buy bits and pieces or food or just in general.

I now have a hard time being civil or nice when she is around and its only going to get worse when we officially get engaged and they are aware as i will be excited about everything we have booked or are organising and dont want to be told constantly that it is a waste....it is going to be a long long long lead up to the wedding!

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