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Bully and your child


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#1 Crelb

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 11:51 AM

I have just spent the morning at my sons school trying to work out what is going on and what we can do to stop this. I am so drained its not funny and have no idea how to handle it

Since I changed my kids school mid year Lachie has had a lot of trouble settling in and had been bullied a bit. At first it was 1 boy, he was spoken to and its stopped but for the past 2 months its been 3 little girls in his class giving him hell.
I have spoken to the school several times and he is also seeing the social worker at school. He is very quiet and reserved so they are working to build up his "resiliance"(sp?) To me this is NOT the problem,to me the problem is these kids.
An example of what they say to him...
"Go away we dont want you and your mole at this school" (he has a mall mole on his lip that is being removed next month ,this was his choice)
"Germ Boy" "Freak" "Did you have to leave your old school cos they didnt want to look at IT anymore?"
I can go on but im sure you get the drift.

Fast forward to this morning... Its hubbys birthday so we were going to go wake Dad up and give him his presents but Lachie wouldnt even get off the couch. so I ignored this and the girls and I did. I came out after and let him know I thought it was a bit rude and he should go say happy birthday, with this lachie jumped up ran to his room and burried his head in the pillow crying. He would not talk to me, look at me or anything. After about 20 mins I rang the school to speak to this social worker because i had no idea what to do.
To cut a long story a bit shorter she was not in today and the assistant principle spoke to him on the phone and agreed to go see her at 10am.
They have decided on Monday when this other teacher is back they are having a big talk with all the kids involved and the class teacher to "work it all out"
To me this isnt enough, My son is a mess (so am I now for that matter) I have no idea what to say to him this arvo..

Have your kids ever delt with a bully?
How did you handle it?

TIA
Renee
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#2 mummyA

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 12:04 PM

Ren,
Firstly...Im SO sorry that Lachie is having to go thru this. Kids can be so horrible mad.gif
We've been thru (and still going thru) bullying with Quin. It started last year (grade prep) and I couldnt get my head around the fact that 5 & 6yos could be so mean. The called Quin 'retard' 'spaz' 'mong' and a heap of other really horrible things. Obviously to use words like that (in the right context) at such a young age, they must of learnt it from their fantastic parents.
I dont really know what advice to give you other than to keep at the school. The SECOND anyone says anything to Lachie to upset him, get on the phone and ear bash the social worker/teacher/principal who ever you can talk to. Tell them that you will pull him out of the school and report them to the education department if you have to, what ever it takes to get this rubbish to stop.
One thing we are doing at the moment is really drumming into Quin that he can always tell us anything that happens. He went for weeks, having the same child calling him a retard and picking on him all day until he just snapped and punched the kid in the face and broke his nose unsure.gif Of course Quin got in a heap of trouble and was suspended for 3 days and the little turd that upset my son so much got off with a 'its not nice to pick on people' mad.gif
It kills me to see Quin so heartbroken and I dont care if the school think Im a PITA because Im there every single damn day making sure my boys are safe. No one else is going to.
Is there a teacher or older kid at school that Lachie really gets along with? With Quin, his teacher from last year is his 'safe place' when ever some one upsets him or things get to much, he goes and finds Mrs G and they go for a walk around the school and he knows that he can open up to her and tell her what is happening and she will fix it for him. Is there someone like that that Lachie can talk to??
I really hope you get this sorted out. Just let Lachie know that you love him and that he can always come talk to you. Good luck xoxox

#3 Crelb

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 12:15 PM

Kylz. I know what you mean its so hard not to walk up to these little shits and give them a peice of my mind, but of course I wouldnt. LOL
He was told by the principle (would you believe Mrs G?LOL) and she has said if it get to much he can come to her for some time out. He even said yesterday he wanted to punch them, this is so not like lachie.

Bec. we started with asking them to stop etc but he said it didnt help it just made them laugh.

I have told reinforced how much we love him etc and he can come to us with anything.
Another thing I forgot to mention is we are now wetting the bed maybe twice a week. This from a boy who was fully trained at 3. Now hes 8 and going backwards.

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#4 hunny banana

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 01:45 PM

Does the school have a school counsellor because it mught be worth referring him to them for a while... they can help build resilience and manage the anxiety.
Also, role playing with Lachie might be good to assist him develop and practice a 'script' to say to his bullies. So you pretend you are the bully and he practices saying "go away" etc. and practise ignoring them..
And visualisation- Help him to imagine standing up to the bullies and then playing with new friends.

Also check out Bullying: no Way (just google it)... it has some ideas about how to handle the situation and "Bully busters" is a GREAT book which looks at how to handle bullies and how not to be a victim...

Good luck with it all.
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#5 Crelb

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 08:07 PM

Hunnybanna

That site is great thank you
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#6 RachLee

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 09:25 PM

I don't have much to add, but I just wanted to say that I can't believe he's dealing with that, poor little boy sad.gif

We had one instance where one of my boys was being pushed around, but the teacher was quick to act on it once I bought it to her attention.


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#7 JC_1984

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Posted 06 May 2009 - 12:24 PM

I don't have a lot to say, but I am sorry that you're experiencing this.

I was bullied throughout most (well, practically ALL) of my schooling.
when I was in year 7, the teachers' first thought was to remove ME from the class to make it stop dry.gif

They had intervention-type set ups where they would make me tell them (the bullies) what was upsetting me.. and then the bullies would lie or make up excuses and the authorative figure ALWAYS sided with them dry.gif

I honestly can't remember how things got solved.. even if they were really solved (probably blocked that part out!!) but it is a horrible thing to endure, and I now worry for my children that they may experience the same thing - and probably from a younger age sad.gif

I hope it all gets sorted soon!

#8 allegro

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Posted 06 May 2009 - 12:55 PM

Ren

That is so sad. My little boy is ASD and the school makes sure that they have a safe place to go when they feel threatened etc. There is no reason why your Principal should not be able to accommodate any children that feel this way.

I work for Education Qld and I know for a fact that they hold a Duty of Care to implement any such strategy as this.

If nothing is working for you, I suggest that you write a letter to the Director General of Vic Education, as they will not tolerate it and are quite fearful of any publicity or exposure of their lax practices.

If you haven’t already, I think you need to make the Principal quite aware that you mean business, even if you have to threaten her with the DG or one of their ADG’s.

Other than that, just try to build him up and help him to think positively about himself.

Let us know how you are getting on.

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#9 swera

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Posted 16 January 2015 - 09:59 PM

From a teacher's point of view, we expectparents to follow up bad behaviour at home. It shows the child that the parent and teacher are working together, and then the child is less likely to misbehave. If the parent doesn't follow up at home, then usually they'll continue to misbehave at school because they can get away with it. Many parents would discuss with their child the issue from school, and depending on the severity, withhold a privledge for an amount of time.





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