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Mother of the Groom

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#1 Sharron


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 12:29 PM

Hi everyone, I have not been in this section since my daughter was married 3 years ago.
Now it's my son's turn smile.gif

I am sorry but who puts the mother of the bride in charge??

Over bearing Mother of the Bride wants to make everything, I would like to make, lets say the cusion for the rings.....but no, she wants to do that too. I just want them as a couple to have something from me. As a keepsake.

I know you all must think I am a whinger, but truly I am the type that sees the wedding as "their day". I usually don't complain but I have had enough.

Am I being unreasonable?

We shared the making of the cusion with my daughter, I didn't see it as a problem.

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#2 Hope


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 12:46 PM

QUOTE(Shazz @ Sep 13 2008, 12:29 PM) View Post

Am I being unreasonable?

Gosh no! Of course you want to be a part of your son and FDIL's day. I know I have included my FMIL in lots of things, she doesn't really make things, but she came with me to pick the venua and came to a couple of expos with me to get ideas. When it gets closer she(along with my SIL's and anyone else who can) will help make invites, put together table numbers etc.

My mum helped with the dress and photographer and will also help making things closer to the day. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to let you know your not being unreasonable at all.

I hope things will improve as it gets closer and they realise they need any help they can get smile.gif
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#3 sarasmum


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 07:04 PM

Hi Sharon!! I'm sorry to hear your FDIL is being like that. Don't worry, it's not you. I think she's being a touch overbearing herself. I don't know how to fix it, but maybe have a word to your son, or maybe even Sarah. Does she get along with her FSIL?
I'm going to be mother of the groom in Feb 2010, and the first thing Bec asked me when they got engaged was whether I would like to make her dress and the bridesmaids dresses. I was really touched because I expected her mother to do it because she is a sewer. Everything Bec chooses she asks for my opinion. And I think that's how it should be, especially as you will all be one blended family soon. Maybe she feels that a wedding is something that is planned between themselves and her mother?
BTW Aiden looks like he's growing into a cheeky little boy.

#4 bats


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 07:31 PM

Of course you want to be involved - its not unreasonable at all

I made a point of involving my MIL - especially since she only has sons and hadnt ever been given the chance.

Do you think you could talk to your son about it - and maybe even the mother of the bride - maybe she isnt aware that she has hurt your feelings by leaving you out? Than you could all decide together who does what?

Hope that it all works out for you
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#5 cheryl6


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 08:05 PM

I don't know if anything I say could help as my FMIL is wonderful and I am getting her to help me with lots of things. My mother is not in my state so she cant help and besides that FMIL is very crafty (she is helping with my stationery).

I think maybe if you talk to your FDIL, not your son (as that might put you offside with IL's) she may not realise what is going on. I hope you get to help with something. Just keep asking if there is something you can do for them as a keepsake, because you would really like to do one.
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#6 pinkbutterfly


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Posted 13 September 2008 - 08:22 PM

My MIL had more to do with planning our wedding than My mother.

She also made me a beautiful lace horse shoe to carry with my bouquet, which I will treasure.

I dotn think it is unreasonable for the MOG to want to be involved in some way or to create a keepsake for her SON and his wife to treasure. Is there somethign else you could make for the happy couple if MOB has taken over the cushion?
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#7 ~AnA~


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Posted 14 September 2008 - 05:18 PM

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. How lovely that you would like to make something as a keepsake for your son and your FDIL.

Talk to FDIL, she probably doesn't realise this and I'm sure she would be pleased for you to be involved in this way.

My FMIL is doing the flower arrangements for the day which I am pleased about. She also thought of the decorations for the reception.

Best of luck.

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#8 bluenomi


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Posted 16 September 2008 - 01:41 PM

My MIL got a little too excited about our wedding, she was much more over the top than my mum and wanted a say in everything. Expecting to have a say in some things is fine and more than welcome but she was getting a bit pushy in the end.

I think you're fine, it's your son getting married so you should be able to have some imput. I'd talk to your son and see what he can do. he might be able to remind the bride his family are involved as well.
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#9 Jaycee


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Posted 16 September 2008 - 10:25 PM


I'm sorry to hear that you have been demoted during the planning of your sons wedding. I'm with you, the wedding is for the COUPLE not just for the BRIDE. rolleyes.gif

Me and my FMIL?

FMIL lives in three hours away. She was emailled the guest list to add to, she came for the cake tasting, she is involved in my bachellorette activities, she reviewed the invitation wording, she is helping to edit our ceremony draft, I have organised (and paid) for her to get her hair and make-up done with the girls on the day, She will be coming to the menu selection night, she is having an input into the music (choose three favourites to be played at some time during the day - you might be surprised what we do with your songs meaning you can choose three songs to be part of our day and it's up to us where we use it) and there are a few more things she's doing.

My only thing was that she couldn't be part of my dress selection as she just can't keep secrets from her kids laugh.gif basically everything that FH needed to know anyway she's been involved in but FH and i chose the venue and the celebrant all on our own.

I've treated my mum the same way apart from the not seeing the dress or hearing anything other than "it's beautiful" part wink.gif

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#10 daisy123



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Posted 22 September 2008 - 02:52 PM


It's lovely you can and do want to make something for the wedding. I agree with the other posters, your FDIL probably doesn't realise you are feeling a bit left out in all the excitement she would be dealing with at the moment. She could also experiencing a bit of pressure from her own mum/family who want to do these types of things so don't think too harshly of her just yet.

The next time you speak with your FDIL and son just say straight out that you are really looking forward to making a keepsake for the wedding as a rememberance from the grooms side. Get their ideas and aim to sort something out there and then which you can work on. If neccessary let them know you would be happy to create something which incorporates whatever colour/themes they have in mind for the wedding. There are a lot of great new wedding craft ideas online, maybe have some fun doing a bit of research before you chat with them in case you find a lot of the traditional things like cushion rings are already covered and they don't have anything in mind themselves. Then you have a few ideas to refer to whilst you are speaking with them too.

I'm sure whatever you make will be treasured in the years to come by both your son and daughter in law.

#11 JC_1984


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Posted 29 October 2008 - 11:44 AM

no, you're not being unreasonable!

I personall am NOT really involving my FMIL in the plans.. why? she simply seems as though she couldn't care less!
She only has sons = one is already married and the other is recently engaged and expecting a baby.

We've been engaged 5 years, finally set the date and the only comment we got was (to the effect of) "the date's inconvenient, change it please!"

if she showed a little interest, I would involve her. I tried but she wasn't interested, so she can miss out!

I hope you start being 'allowed' to be more involved soon
best of luck with it

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