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I have called the wedding off

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#1 Doll Baby

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:10 PM

Hey Everyone,
This is really hard to write but I am hoping I will feel better after getting it all out.
The wedding is off. My fiancée and I started dating on my 18th Birthday and have been dating for the last 5 years and engaged for the last 2 years. So for the first time in my life I am alone, and scared.

The last year has been a struggle for me and our relationship I have felt very lost and alone, my once best friend and I were drifting apart to the point where we hardly spoke, we were very rarely intimate and had turned into strangers. We were trying to work things out but we have lost the passion sometimes i didn’t think I wanted to work it out.

After much heartache and many tears I made the decision to pull the pin on the wedding. I have just today cancelled our wedding reception, which was hard......... very hard. We have called off the engagement but i think we will remain friends. I still love him sooooo much and I know he feels the same way. I just think we or maybe I am not ready to get married I believe that I need some alone, time to “find” myself. I would love to go overseas sometime in the near future – on my own.

I really do believe that one day if we are meant to be together that we will get back together. But for the time being I think (hope) that I have made the best decision.

I am feeling very broken and cry at the drop of a hat........i hope it will get better soon sad.gif

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#2 CookiesandCream


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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:12 PM

I'm sorry your going through this sad.gif

All the best.
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#3 nephthys


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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:28 PM

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

I know the crying feeling well. Anything sends you off into shivering sobs. Even being the one doing the break-up doesn't help.

I know this is a tiny tiny consolation but you will get better I promise. Every day you heal. The rule is to be very very gentle with yourself. Watch lots of TV, eat lots of junk food, go for long walks, hang with friends, anything you need.

If you have that feeling now, my gut instinct is that you'll look back on this relationship with fondness but assurity that you did the right thing.

And for the record, I split with my now husband in my early 20s, got back together three years later and I've never been happier. We just celebrated our two year anniversary. If he's the one, then it's worth the wait.

Good luck and remember that you have every right to grieve.

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#4 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:32 PM

sorry to hear this.

best of luck
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#5 starry eyes

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:42 PM

Oh hugs hun.... I think you are incredibly strong to have the strength to admit that this was not the right thing to do. A lot of engaged couples feel that they are bound to get married once there is a ring on their finger & force the journey upon themselves & once married almost immediately realise that the world had crumbled around them long ago & have to face divorce shortly after.

So hold strong, we are all here for you on here. I am here for you.
I believe that you need to trust your 'gut feelings'... if you love somebody - set them free... it appears you need to be set free - to see what is in the great wide world before settling into married life with this man. I truly wish you the joy & happiness in your heart n soul that we all deserve in this short life we have on this beautiful earth.
Love Celina xx
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#6 MrsRissaC


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Posted 22 August 2008 - 08:56 PM

The pain of a breakup I think is one of the most awful things young hearts have to endure, especially as you have the history, however I think that although you have written your post through extreme pain, you are an extremely mature woman, and you should be proud of your strength and courage, even if at this time you feel like jelly.

Just remember, it is ok to cry, scream, yell, and hell, break something if you need to! You will have good days, and bad days, however, each day whatever it brings will get easier, and when the pain and confusion clears, you will be able to see which direction you are clear to go in....

Until then, be kind to yourself, and good luck. Although it feels never ending at the time, the hurt aint gonna last forever... (Ok, I so ripped that from Michael Bolton.... Sing it with me now, TIME, LOVE AND TENDERNESS!!).

I must admit for me personally, I only remember one relationship where I felt that gut wrenching you speak of, but what got me through was choosing a song and playing it over and over and over.. mine was Sugarbabes, Hole in the head.

Take care and good luck !

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#7 * Kylie *

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 09:03 PM

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

I think a breakup - especially a broken engagement can be possibly one of the most painful and gut wrenching things to go through, even if you know it's for the best.

Take the time to cry and grieve what you have lost. I'm always here if you want to PM.

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#8 Maxi


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Posted 23 August 2008 - 08:51 AM

I admire the strength you have to do something so very difficult. Many wouldn't have the courage to admit their relationship isn't perfect and would rather coast along in an unfulfilling relationship, rather than ruffle feathers.

You will get through this, even though it hurts so deeply at the moment.

Better days are ahead for you, just remember that.
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#9 Doll Baby

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 11:19 AM

Thank you so much lovely ladies.

It is very inspiring and up lifting to read your posts and experiences thank you all so much for sharing.
I don’t feel very strong at the moment but I guess there will be good and bad days, I just hope the bad days get further and further apart. I did feel that I couldn’t let this relationship go any further it wouldn’t be fair for either of us.

Nephthys it was wonderful to hear of your story. I do truly believe that if Rob and I are meant to be this will happen to us as well.

I would love to share with you all what I did last night.

After putting on my PJ’s and going to bed at 7 crying into my pillow for a while. I got up, got dressed and went shopping – note to self not good when emotional - Felt crap and fat in everything . So next stop liquor land! After selecting a few fine drops and some great cheese to go with. I headed over to my girlfriends with some DVD’s (The Holiday and What happens in Vegas) we drank, laughed, cried then danced in the living room till 4 am.

It was a short term fix.

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#10 *Ali*


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Posted 29 August 2008 - 09:47 AM

Hun you should be so proud of yourself. Making a decision like that is one of the hardest ones you could make in life. I know, I have been there too. I broke off my engagement 2 months before my wedding. And your story sounds very similar to how I was feeling.

As hard as this is to believe now, it will get easier. I promise. Like Rissa said, you will have bad days, but amongst those bad days, you will have good days. And they will one day take over the bad.

It sounds like you have some great friends, which I think is so so important. I didn't really have anyone.

What helped me get through my break up was going out and enjoying life. I know you probably don't feel like doing it, but you should try and force yourself to get out there and do new things. Go out and party with your friends, have dvd nights, start a new hobby, take up dancing or go to the gym. If you have lots of new exciting things to do that you love, you won't feel quite as bad. Plus, it keeps your mind off things to a degree and you meet new people.

I think it is so important for women to know who they are and what they want out of life. I also think it is so easy to loose sight of this when you're in a relationship from such a young age and for such a long time.

So take time to do what you want. Think about what you want to do and where you want to be. And do it.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. We have a single girls thread in here, so please feel free to drop in and say hi when you're ready. Everyone in there is fantastic and we have all been through it. I have found such a fantastic support network with those girls.

Take care hun xoxo

Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...

#11 future_mrs_smith



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Posted 29 August 2008 - 03:53 PM

The girls have all said what I would've said. I was also in a broken engagement - the only thing was that we weren't meant for each other and never got back together. I have now found the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and through that experience, I knew that he was the one almost immediately. If you are meant for each other, you'll be back together when you find yourself, if you are not meant for each other, you'll probably be the best of friends still, and smitten with the person that is meant for you.

At the moment - it's so hard and I totally know what you're going through. Be nice on yourself - do whatever you want. If you feel like a chocolate, eat it. If you want to watch your favourite movie for the 29th time, watch it. Take each day as it comes, and starting doing the things you love. Get a hair cut, maybe a colour, buy some new clothes/makeup/perfume, if you love crafts, start that up again, do everything that makes you feel good. When I was going through it, everyone said 'it will get better' and I hated when they said that because it didn't feel like it would, and then a month later, I realised I wasn't so upset anymore, I was closer to my friends and family who were helping me though it, and I was loving the things I was doing. A couple of months after that, I was nearly back to normal. It was true, and you'll get to that point too. Just remember - even going through this break up will help you find yourself. You're so strong for making the best decision for you, and you'll be even stronger when you realise 'hey, I've done it! I'm a better me' like I did.

If you ever want to talk, just PM me. I hope everyday gets better for you *hugs*

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