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#1 ***Bella***

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Posted 14 August 2008 - 07:33 PM

Ok, I know that what I am writing may sound crazy but here goes-
I got engaged a month ago to my partner of 3 years (fantastic guy that everyone in my family loves). My problem is that my Mum and Dad just don't seem to care.
They did congratulate us, but they haven't mentioned it since. They never ask about what our plans are, what the date is, who is invited or involved. When I try to talk to them about the possibility of an Engagement party they say that they don't want to go to one!
The lack of interest is really upsetting me.

I had imagined that I would shop for a dress with my Mum, look at reception venues etc.
When I have bought it up with her she says that it is because she is thinking about my brothers wedding first (which is in October this year).
But I thought that she would still show some kind of enthusiasm.

Has anyone else had this happen with them?

#2 MrsJo

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Posted 14 August 2008 - 07:52 PM

Maybe your mum is a bit overwhelmed, if she has two weddings coming up now! Might be best to let her get through the first one and be immersed in that, so she can then give her full attention to yours? Her mind is probably full of the one she is currently dealing with! I know it probably hurts, but she seems to have been pretty honest about it, so I would let it go until after the October wedding, and then see if she is more enthused when she has had time to recover from that one.

I am sure you will shop for dresses with her and all those lovely things down the track when the time comes, and I am sure she will come to your engagement party if you explain how important it is to you! Just give her time, it is probably hard for her to see two of her children grow up and get married almost at the same time. Just a thought. Good luck!

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#3 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 14 August 2008 - 08:06 PM

I agree with Belladoah in that your mum is probably a little overwhelmed - two weddings on the horizon in the one family would be overwhelming for me!

Maybe just say to your mum in conversation something along the lines of "its important to me to have your input in my wedding" or similar?

Have you set a date for your wedding yet? If its outside of 12 months, maybe just try not to worry about it too much until October/November after your brothers wedding, and if there is still no interest from your folks then express your concern.

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#4 ***Bella***

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Posted 14 August 2008 - 08:11 PM

Sorry I should have mentioned that my parents have had no interest in my brothers wedding either. I do realise that that is just how they are. But it still annoys me so much!!!!

My wedding should be in November next year so it is ages away, but I want to try to arrange the ceremony and reception venue asap.

Thanks for comments guys. smile.gif

#5 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 14 August 2008 - 08:22 PM

ahhh well if your mum is displaying no interest in your bro's wedding, then how can she say that she is concentrating on that instead?

Try not to let it get to you too much, maybe just let your mum know that there are a couple of things that you REALLY want her involved in (dress shopping etc) then turn to your BM's for support on the rest smile.gif

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#6 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 10:33 AM

My Mum was the same. No enthusiasm towards me, yet my step-dad tells me it's all she could talk about with her friends. I sent her pics of my engagement ring and then 4 months later she admitted that she'd never opened the email, (she's also never opened the pics we sent her of the home we purchased rolleyes.gif ) and when she eventually did see my ring she sneered "I like mine better". She didn't care about my dress, the venue, anything really.

My Mum is particularly selfish though and until she could figure a way to apply my wedding to herself, it was not her priority. As soon as she discovered how excited those around her were, she wanted in, and cried about 35 times on the day to prove how moved and involved she was. It's just the way she is and it hurt, but there was nothing I could do about it. I just got on with the job of enjoying my wedding for myself.
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#7 *Simone*

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:56 PM


Mmmm, I don't know the answer to this. I know my mum is one of the very few people that is genuinely excited about my wedding and I would be devastated if she was indifferent.

I guess all you can do (after your brother's wedding) is sit down and try to have a heart to heart with her about how important it is to you that she be a part of it and outline to her the things you would really like to enjoy with her (going dress shopping, choosing the cake, whatever).

Hopefully that might open her up a bit, if she's at all emotional.

#8 Hope

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 02:07 PM

Could it be she is worried about the money aspect? She might be worried about having to pay for the engagement party then the wedding. If they are a bit on the traditional side it was a normal thing for the brides family to pay for the wedding and they might not want to think about coming up with the money for yours.
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#9 nephthys

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 02:19 PM

My family couldn't have given a toss about mine either, but that's just my family. Celebrations like this don't cause much interest. I planned 98% of the wedding on my own knowing this was going to be the case and looking back, it was damn hard work but I know I did it all and I'm quite proud of that.

Have your parents show any interest in big events in your life? Graduation, School formal etc? If not, chances are this is the parenting style your parents have. You can have a heart to heart but she may feel like she's being forced to show interest which may cause some conflict - or it could make her realise how important this is to you and join in.

Or you can just come to accept that she will retain this wall.

The other thing to remember is that this is a big and exciting step in your life but no one elses. Chances are you'll come across this disinterest several times throughout the entire wedding process so you should find a friend/family member who is excited and hang around them more.

Good luck with it.
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#10 ***Bella***

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 02:45 PM

Thanks everyone.
Now that I think about it, my parents don't really get excited about any "big" events. What is important to me isnt to them, so I spose that I just have to get used to that.
They wont be paying anything for the wedding. But that is ok with me, I have known that since I was young enough to say "wedding".
My bridesmaids are lovely girls,and I am sure that they will offer me lots of support as it gets closer. I am just a bit upset I spose, but I do realise that I can't change her.
I think that when I have kids and they get married they will be asking me to back off and leave them alone I will be so involved!


#11 MrsMolly

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Posted 18 August 2008 - 03:17 PM

one of the crappy realisations about weddings and planning is that it isn't as exciting to anyone but you (aside from the other girls on I-Do who are capable of being excited about other peoples planning successes).

Thankfully I-Do provides a great forum to discuss the intricacies of invitation paper, floral arrangements, fabrics and honeymoon destinations etc, which other people quickly grow bored of.

My parents were similar.. They weren't particularly excited or un-excited about it.. they just gave me room to do whatever the hell I wanted, which was fine, although I was a bit disappointed there wasn't more excitement there..

Mum isn't the kind of woman who gets excited about weddings (she bought an off the rack Myers dress the day before her own wedding at the Registry office).. so the process of planning a wedding, with a white dress and a reception with all the trimmings wasn't so much her scene.

If you can view their reaction in the light of 'at least they aren't meddling and telling me I must do this, wear that, invite these people' it might be easier to cope with?

Your brother's wedding is kind of soon, so the other thought is perhaps she doesn't want to steal his thunder?

#12 starry eyes

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Posted 22 August 2008 - 04:28 PM

Eeeep!
My heart n soul goes out to all the girls here especially the ones whose mums & dads didn't give much or any of a hoot! Jeepers...
I thought siblings were bad but I had no idea that parents would be so aloof about what is considered to be the most important day of their childrens lives... strolling down the aisle to become a wife (or a husband!).

My mum was extremely involved & she hasn't let go of it yet... well neither have I really... we still enjoy flicking thru magazines & ofcourse I love being on I-do...

My mum was the only one though... everyone else around me I could sense had a very low tolerance level of listening to me discussing our wedding plans...

All I can say is thank god for I-do!!!!
These girls in here were my saviour in allowing me to completely & totally immerse & relish the entire journey. They supported & commented & shared in my joys as I did with theirs... I don't know ... but I am pretty sure that our wedding day was even more of a joy & I was definitely far more certain of the choices I'd made for our day becuase of the girls in here... or ladies... sorry. smile.gif

So jump in here whole heartedly - I am sorry your parents don't relish the big exciting moments in life but we in here LOVE IT!
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Hugs, Celina xx

PS. For booking the ceremony & reception - get your H2B involved with this part... I did this with my hubby & he quite enjoyed it. We also booked the celebrant & the photographer together... the rest was with my mum. Perhaps once you have booked those big things, you will then enjoy your brother getting married & entice your mum to go dress shopping etc with you! Xx
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#13 *Tori*

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 06:20 PM

Oh boy can I relate to this one.
I started a topic about it too, its about my mum not wanting me to get married.
After being engaged for six months (with still almost two years until the wedding) we have reached a truce. I just am not allowed to mention anything wedding when she is around. Nadda. Nothing. Zip.
She'll get an invitation and be there on the day. The rest is up to me and my FH. In a way it has brought FH and myself closer together.
I'll probably ask my FSIL and FMIL to be there when I'm looking for the dress. Honestly I'm glad its a long engagement because I have never done anything without my familys full support.
But I dont want to force their support or enthusiasm. My family are just being themselves, a bunch of cynics that feel like there is no such thing as a happy ending...
Good luck...
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#14 Gina

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Posted 08 September 2008 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE(sez1982 @ Aug 14 2008, 07:33 PM) View Post

Ok, I know that what I am writing may sound crazy but here goes-
I got engaged a month ago to my partner of 3 years (fantastic guy that everyone in my family loves). My problem is that my Mum and Dad just don't seem to care.
They did congratulate us, but they haven't mentioned it since. They never ask about what our plans are, what the date is, who is invited or involved. When I try to talk to them about the possibility of an Engagement party they say that they don't want to go to one!
The lack of interest is really upsetting me.

I had imagined that I would shop for a dress with my Mum, look at reception venues etc.
When I have bought it up with her she says that it is because she is thinking about my brothers wedding first (which is in October this year).
But I thought that she would still show some kind of enthusiasm.

Has anyone else had this happen with them?


Wow sweetie - your situation sounds exactly like mine. My fiance & I got engaged several months before my brother was due to get married and my mother was exactly the same. You probably think it should be different and even more excited (i know i did) because you are the daughter and traditionally the brides parents show more involvement and excitement. Hopefully once your brothers wedding has past they will be able to focus their attention on you and your wedding. I guess at the end of the day all you can do is try to involve them. Some parents just don't get (or show) their excitement. I've had many discussions with my mother about her lack of involvement but she says its because she thinks i cope well on my own anyway. I've noticed as the day gets closer my parents are getting more excited/ask more questions (and unfortunately are starting to show signs of stress also

Quick Q for you - are they involved/exicted about your brother's wedding? Maybe have a quick word to him about it...

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#15 Robyn

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Posted 19 September 2008 - 02:56 PM

Poor thing, I know how you feel.
H2B and I moved interstate late last year much to both sets of parents disgust.
We got engaged in Sydney where we now live, and all our friends and family in Perth really couldn’t care less.
We have been engaged now for 5 months, we have not received so much as an engagement card from either set of parents, grandparents, friends etc
The only interest my parents show in an engagement party is to voice the opinion (weekly) that it should be at their house so they can relax/drink/show off their house, and every week I explain that this is not the kind of party I want to have, we have many people attending, summer is too hot to have the party there, I want a neutral venue which is comfortable for friends and both sets of relatives etc etc etc
We have been trying to plan an engagement party for around Christmas time to bring everyone together, we haven’t seen people in a long time and last night H2B parents told us not to bother having a party because it had been some time since the engagement and the money was better saved than spent.
No one seems to be excited for us, no one wants to celebrate with us, at this point Im seriously considering just eloping, but I fear I will resent our families for too long, and I dont want to miss out on having a wedding.

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