Jump to content


Photo

Frustrated.


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 *bluesecrets*

*bluesecrets*

    Newbie

  • New User
  • Pip
  • 27 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 01:59 PM

At this stage, my parents are paying for my wedding reception. We've only just started planning the invitation list. However, one of my parents is now saying they will not contribute to the wedding, or attend if another I invite another family member.

Many of my family members to not get along. My parents are actually divorced.

If my family members can't put their differences aside for one day then my fiance and I will elope. I just don't know when to say enough is enough and make that decision to elope. Any suggestions? Right now I am just so angry...

#2 Nov 08 Bride

Nov 08 Bride

    Frequent Poster

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 519 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 03:52 PM

I would sit the family members down calmly and explain that this is an important day and that you would be deeply disappointed and sad if family disagreements may spoil this once and a lifetime experience for you both and that you understand how difficult it may be but you would prefer that they put aside their own differences for one day for your sake.

I would try this tactic and if it didn't work i would either mention that elopment was a possible option or that you were disappointed that their childishness would mean that neither party would be welcome on your special day.

We are actually paying for our own wedding because we want the day to be the way we envisiage it and were running into similar family drama's!

Both my father and mother have not spoken for five years and after much encouragement both have agreed to put aside their differences and jointly walk me down the aisle .. this is such a difficult thing to go through and i feel for you!!


Hope things get less stressful soon !

Best of Luck ,

Ish smile.gif


QUOTE(*bluesecrets* @ Jul 31 2008, 01:59 PM) View Post

At this stage, my parents are paying for my wedding reception. We've only just started planning the invitation list. However, one of my parents is now saying they will not contribute to the wedding, or attend if another I invite another family member.

Many of my family members to not get along. My parents are actually divorced.

If my family members can't put their differences aside for one day then my fiance and I will elope. I just don't know when to say enough is enough and make that decision to elope. Any suggestions? Right now I am just so angry...


Matthew 05.08.09' ~ Daniel Hugh 17.10.11' The light of our lives!


IPB Image

<a href="http://www.thebump.c...n=tickers"><img src="http://global.thebum...s/tt3a9ef.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>


#3 Dreams

Dreams

    Advanced Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPipPip
  • 484 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 03:53 PM

QUOTE(*bluesecrets* @ Jul 31 2008, 01:59 PM) View Post

If my family members can't put their differences aside for one day then my fiance and I will elope.


Unfortunatly not everyone thinks like that, i thought that for my wedding and it was a disaster, not between guests but from my DH family to us.

Invite them and give the the option, if they cant deal with it then dont come, if they are going to be that petty and not come because another person is there, you have to wonder, this person is more important than you? I know its hard because its your family but you cant worry about stuff like that on your wedding, I did and it didnt change anything.

Good luck

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie....om/WZmEp10.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>

<a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypat...om/b3yLp11.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>

#4 *bluesecrets*

*bluesecrets*

    Newbie

  • New User
  • Pip
  • 27 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 04:40 PM

QUOTE(Nov 08 Bride @ Jul 31 2008, 03:52 PM) View Post

I would sit the family members down calmly and explain that this is an important day and that you would be deeply disappointed and sad if family disagreements may spoil this once and a lifetime experience for you both and that you understand how difficult it may be but you would prefer that they put aside their own differences for one day for your sake.

Best of Luck ,

Ish smile.gif


Thanks Ish. I am trying to resolve this situation by email at the moment because I live in a different state to my family. My reaction to what my mum said has been along the lines of what you have suggested.

Dreams - Yes, I think my main disappointment is that my mum would chose not to come at all instead of coming to my wedding with one other person there that she does not get along with.

I'm glad to hear from happy brides that have been through a similar situtation.




#5 MissVintage

MissVintage

    Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPip
  • 183 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 06:38 PM

We had the very same problem. FH has 4 mums (Steps included) & 2 dads and so many sets of grandparents its impossible.

Our family is the same as yours and were saying they would be fine but we were not sure if they could behave themselves so we used our engagement party as a trial. We stuck EVERYBODY on a boat and told them if any of them played up we would not have a wedding. We figured they wanted to be good, it was just a matter if testing if they were able to and they were all really well behaved.

It has helped up feel a lot more secure in just enjoying our wedding day.

FYI - one set of FH parents has not set eyes on each other since the day she kissed him goodbye and came home to a note saying that he had left her for his secratary.

It is possible if they really want to make your day nice but you definatly need to sit them down and tell them your concerns. Also, we asked both parents not to drink on the night as somtimes alcohol seems to inflame a situation
IPB Image

#6 *bluesecrets*

*bluesecrets*

    Newbie

  • New User
  • Pip
  • 27 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 07:59 PM


Yeah, it's my mum that won't come if I invite my step-mum.

#7 Jaydee

Jaydee

    Part of the Furniture

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10,797 posts

Posted 31 July 2008 - 08:37 PM

You, know IMO they're adults. And if they cant act like an adult, then they dont deserve to be there. Attending a wedding and watching two people get married is a privelege, not an automatic right. It's easier said than done where family is concerned, I know. But often reminding misbehaving family members of this fact is enough to get them to put their manners back on.

I wouldn't elope just because you're worried certain people wont behave- because if it's not what you really want, you'll probably look back on your wedding and think, "I wish we hadn't eloped" .

Unfortunately weddings can bring out the worst in people, and it's horrible when your nearest and dearest let you down. But at the end of the day, you're marrying the man that you love.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users