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#16 **Aida**

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:02 PM

I am thinking of you, and I admire your ability to see clearly through this time towards what is best for you in the long run.

You are not starting again with nothing, absolutely not. You have strength, you have experience, you know what you need and want and I am sure all these things will help you.
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#17 CookiesandCream

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:08 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time, all the best.

QUOTE(jet @ Jul 18 2008, 02:59 PM) View Post

This is very dissappointing to read, I cant even understand it. I mean you just got married less then 5 months ago.


I'm not sure if comments like these are helpful. I'm sure Rachae knows how long she has been married for and has put a lot of thought into a decision like this.



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#18 jet

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:28 PM

QUOTE(CookiesandCream @ Jul 18 2008, 03:08 PM) View Post

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time, all the best.
I'm not sure if comments like these are helpful. I'm sure Rachae knows how long she has been married for and has put a lot of thought into a decision like this.


Its an expression of my shock for her. Perhaps, but if Rach felt it might be theraputic to consider some of the things I wrote, then maybe it could be helpful.

Everyone seems so accepting that her marriage is over? I'm hoping for her that its not and that it can be salvaged some how and end in happiness. Cutting to the grease of something can be more helpful then a cyber hug, for someone genuinely seeking advise or insight or some sign to get them where they need to go.

If you find my post condenscending then shame on you, everyone here wants the best for Rach.
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#19 Rachae

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:28 PM

QUOTE(jet @ Jul 18 2008, 04:59 PM) View Post

This is very dissappointing to read, I cant even understand it. I mean you just got married less then 5 months ago.

While keeping the lines of communication open is good, sometimes I think staying friends can be dangerous, how do you define your "Friendship' now? Couples make the mistake of falling back into a way of talking to each other like nothing has happened and they only end up hurting each other more.

Do you plan to work on your marriage or are there differences that are unresolvable? It seems like you've moved on so quickly?

I'm sorry I dont really know what to say, but this lovely forum will help you get through it I'm sure.

I hope that the remainder of this year brings you what you need and gives you the strength to make the right decisions. Getting a supportive network around you will be invaluable in your roughest times.

All the best and take care.


Jet I appreciate your point of view, i am feeling the same way, We are staying friends to the point of support eachother and still spending time together the way we did before we were dating, we were very good friends, and neither of us want to lose that.

There is no anomosity between us as we both feel we need to do this in order to get our lives sorted out for ourselves.

Neither of us have ruled out getting back together in the future, We both just kind of feel that for us to work, we need to get right in both our lives and heads.


I appreciate everyones support, it means alot to me.

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#20 Keir

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:30 PM

Yes, I think the whole point of Jet's post was to have dig - you can't just put someone down and then say "all the best".
But there will always be someone who likes to kick people when they're down over things they can't open up their minds to understand.
If you can't offer support, stay out of these threads and have a little compassion and dignity.

QUOTE(jet @ Jul 18 2008, 03:28 PM) View Post
If you find my post condenscending then shame on you, everyone here wants the best for Rach.
Whatever you say wink.gif
It didn't just come across as condescending, it came across as nasty.
I'm sure both Rachae and David have put a lot of thought into the decision before coming on here and seeking your input rolleyes.gif

Rachae, there's no point in staying in any relationship that isn't working, or going to make you unhappy. As long as you feel you've both given it your all and you can walk away with no regrets, than that is the best decision.

#21 CookiesandCream

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 03:59 PM

I'm sure a lot of people were thinking the same thing - but why does it have to be said?

You know, I was brought up with the saying "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" obviously I don't live by this saying however I think a lot of people on this forum just like to say something, anything really just to hear themselves talk (type) and not care about the person on the other side.

Sensitivity and compassion can go along way and sometimes opinions should just be kept to themselves.
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#22 Thelma

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:01 PM

I didn't read jet's post as being nasty at all. She was shocked and then she was just asking questions about what their plans are and if they're possibly looking to reconcile at all. I know that when I read about someone splitting I often wonder how they came to that decision and if they have really worked through all possible avenues to keep their marriage together. But then I have never been in any kind of break up so don't understand the 'we just don't love each other anymore' thing. I guess if I had then I might understand.

Anyway, Rachae, sorry to hear that your marriage is over so soon, but it sounds like you both have a level head on your shoulders. I really do hope that this is something you have both tried to work hard to reconcile and is not just a matter of not having that spark there anymore. (sorry if that comes across harsh, but unless we know a person intimately, most of here on a forum don't know ALL the details)

#23 jet

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:04 PM

Ok. But you know what girls, Rach understood where that came from.

So please dont squabble on my account, its really not necessary.

But Kir, I saw your original post. Makes me think you've been waiting to dump on me where you could get away with it. But I'm not bothered by it.
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#24 Domestic Dreamer

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:13 PM

I'm sorry to hear this Rachae, and sad that you and David got to this point in your relationship. I hope this isn't the end, and you manage to sort out the things you need to. Maybe you'll even find support in each other that will help you through other trials in your lives.

xox

#25 SEA

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:24 PM

I'm sorry to hear this news Rachae. I'm thinking of you and hoping that everything works out the way you want it to. Take care xoxo

#26 ClaireBell

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:25 PM

Thinking of you hun. I am very sorry to hear the news.

You and David have always sounded like good friends, so I hope you can salvage that part of your relationship if things are over. But I hope with a little work maybe you can sort things.

However it ended and for whatever reasons you still need to grieve and give yourself time to heal.

I hope you are ok.
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#27 RiverWild

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:29 PM

I'm sorry to hear this,
i hope your ok and im glad the two of you still have your friendship.

#28 RubyTuesday

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:34 PM

Rachae - From my own honest perspective I hadnt even realised you were married from some of your previous posts on here (I thought you were single but had a sig from a prev relationship?). This is just an observation and in no way a judgement.

Just maybe trying to give some insight on how your relationship may have been sub-consciously deteriorating in the past few wks/months??
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#29 MrsRissaC

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:39 PM

I didnt take Jets post as a dig at all.. as I too am left wondering how you can dissolve a marriage, and then say you are going to stay best of friends and support each other?

Arent these two key areas of marriage?

And if this is a sudden occurrance, then surely it hasnt been given enough time to see a possible solution past divorce, or alternatively, if it has been a long running issue, then why was marriage entered into?

I think there are some fascinating insights in the relationships section re the thread started in relation to marriage dissolution.

It is not that we support or dont support the situation, however it is a sharing of a different view. Surely as women we are able to do this without getting catty?

I personally would prefer someone give me a kick up the ass in this situation and maybe make me realise a few things I hadnt considered, rather than tippee toe around me telling me it is all ok.

Maybe it is me as my close group of friends arent mother hens who agree with everything I do, and arent afraid to tell me (which I value and appreciate), however that kind of look at life does tend to get lost on here at times.
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#30 123

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Posted 18 July 2008 - 04:44 PM

Darl you know I'm here for you. xo




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