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Future Mother In Law Problems ...


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#1 Nov 08 Bride

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 10:22 AM

Hi Girls,

I need your help ..

I have been asking my Future mother in Law for weeks and weeks now to let me know how many people their family wish to invite to the wedding and their names addresses so i can start organising final numbers for stationary / place cards / Bomboniere etc

The wedding is just over 3 and a half months away..

She has refused to give me any idea as in her words she "can't be bothered going through my address book "

My mother and my FH have both already given me final numbers as well as addresses for invites etc..

My FH has also asked his mum many MANY times for this information and nothing seems to work.. i have even heard him say to her that unless she gives him this information we will be forced to go ahead without inviting any of their family friends..

My friend is a graphic designer by trade and is helping us with the invite stationary as a wedding present and needs this information very soon...

Has anyone got any ideas?? I am starting to get upset that she isn't taking our requests seriously and i am feeling overwhelmed with so much other stuff to organise without worrying about her..

Sorry for the rant!! wacko.gif

Maybe this should have been posted in the Bridezilla section biggrin.gif
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#2 Nov 08 Bride

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE(georgie_ton @ Jul 16 2008, 10:34 AM) View Post

I would just say to her next time you see her

"have you had a chance to look at who you would like to invite?" then she'll say "NO" then say to her "well we need to confirm numbers, for numerous reasons, such as invites etc, and since we've asked you afew times, ive talked to FH, and we have decied if you dont confirm the exact numbers/names addres within 1 week, you'll only be able to invite 'X' amount, and if they arent confirmed by the date i want to print the invites, which will be in 'X' weeks, we wont be able to invite any of your guests. I just thought i would let you know all this now so i am not feeling like i am hasseling you continuosly. Now you can look after it, and know when things are required by."

Maybe even get FH to tell her this... then if she doesnt give you the info... TOO BAD! you told her what would happen, and that is whats going to happen!



This is great advice girls ... you guys are the best!

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#3 bellarosa

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 10:43 AM

Send her an email if you can and put a date in writing that she needs to get the info to you by. Advise her that if you don't get her details then you'll be sending out the invites regardless. Not much you can do to force her! I hope she lets you know soon!
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#4 ~Ms Jessica~

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 10:46 AM

I totally agree with Kristi, you've done all you can and the ball is in her court now and if she can't be bothered then I wouldn't be bothered chasing her up.

I went through the same thing with my in-laws with getting addresses for their family, they just kept on ignoring me. I eventually got the addresses out of them but I probably shouldn't have bothered because none of hubby's family came anyway.

You have so much on your plate with planning a wedding I would just say stuff her!

#5 thebecki

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 11:08 AM

I know you probably have better things to do with your time at the moment but what we had to do with my FILs was just turn up one day and say "right, we're sorting out the guest list NOW!"

We sat down with them and talked about who they wanted to invite and I wrote the list as we went along. I then got FMIL to check the addresses then and there.....
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#6 Jaydee

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 11:16 AM

I would tell her that the invitations are being made/printed/whatever on a set date about a week away, that they HAVE to be done then, and if the supplier doesnt have the information then, the invitations wont be printed and those guests wont be invited.

She's had enough chances to get herself organised, if she cant be bothered then, well, too bad. It's not like you're going to notice the absence of those people wink.gif

#7 Champagne

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 12:08 PM


I would set her a date/ deadline to have all invitees and addresses to you by. I would speak to her and then confirm what you have requested from her in an email and copy in your parents and your FH, so that everyone is on the same page.

I know the above sounds a bit formal, but when people like her a being difficult it is best to cross every t and dot evey i. Also when and if she turns around and kicks up a stink regarding the invitees for the wedding you have it in writing and your parents and FH know that you did the best you could and she was/is the problematic one.
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#8 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 03:41 PM

A "you have until x date to give me final numbers including all details or nobody from your side of the family will be invited" should do it.

She's not a child. She knows exactly what she's doing. Call her bluff.

And the Bridezilla section is for irrational wedding related tantrums. Sounds like your situation is perfectly reasonable smile.gif
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#9 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 16 July 2008 - 04:16 PM

firstly I think she is very lucky that you are leaving the decision of who to invite from her family with her, and if she is going to abuse that priviledge, then as the girls have said, give her a time limit, if she doesn't get them to you by that date, then give her X amount to invite.

Random question... is there any underlying reason other than her laziness as to why she hasn't done this? IE is she not particularly close to her side of the family and is purposely stalling so she DOESN'T have to invite them?

Just a thought...
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#10 Nov 08 Bride

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Posted 17 July 2008 - 09:26 AM

QUOTE(Emma Mint @ Jul 16 2008, 04:16 PM) View Post

firstly I think she is very lucky that you are leaving the decision of who to invite from her family with her, and if she is going to abuse that priviledge, then as the girls have said, give her a time limit, if she doesn't get them to you by that date, then give her X amount to invite.

Random question... is there any underlying reason other than her laziness as to why she hasn't done this? IE is she not particularly close to her side of the family and is purposely stalling so she DOESN'T have to invite them?

Just a thought...



Hi Girls,

Just an update .. i got this email yesterday afternoon at work from FH.

"I gave home another call today and had a chat to Dad and stressed the importance of needing the list - Dad mentioned they were still unsure on people and i said just throw them in as tier 2 ppl and i'll make the call - just give us the list. "

Sounds like we might be getting to the underlying cause .. will be popping around there as suggested to sit down with them again to try and get it sorted out!

Thanks for everyones suggestions and help - much appreciated!!


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#11 123

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Posted 17 July 2008 - 04:26 PM

Seems simple to me, if she can't be bothered giving you names to invite, then you just invite who you like.

#12 Sharron

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Posted 13 September 2008 - 12:45 PM

Being the MIL of the bride, I can't understand all the hassels, they give us good ones a bad name. I try to be helpful without over-steping the mark. Others just try to make life tough for all.. blink.gif

I hope it all works out for you Nov bride!!


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#13 Hope

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Posted 13 September 2008 - 12:51 PM

Geez I hope she gets her act together soon! If not I agree with the the others, if she can't be bothered, then they must not be important enough to invite rolleyes.gif

My FPILs gave me a list about a year out when I was booking the venue, a few days after I asked.. Oh how I love them wub.gif
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#14 cheryl6

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Posted 13 September 2008 - 08:15 PM

Hi I hope that you get this sorted out soon.

I am really lucky with my IL's and I am only inviting immediate family so I know them all anyway.

I wouldn't have given them that long.
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#15 Elippo

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Posted 14 September 2008 - 08:42 AM

I just want to say that I think you are being incredibly calm and patient about all of this smile.gif If it was me I would be tearing my hair out and probably throwinf temper tantrums - so well done.




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