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#1 invisible

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Posted 07 July 2008 - 11:06 AM

So, I thought a thread for Single Mums might be needed. I'll start off with a little about me.

Name - Sherri
Children - Amber age 5 and Jacob age 3
Time with Partner/Husband - 7 years
Time Separated - 6 months

My ex lives about 10 hours away and will only see the children on school holidays from here on in. I moved back to my home town at the end of last year. I have family out here but not much help. I work 2 hours every morning at a kindy while my son is in childcare. My daughter goes to prep.

Over the last 6 months I have learnt so much. I feel more confident in doing things, little things that my ex did, like carrying a 25kg bag of dog food or maintaing the yard, taking the dog out in the car, fixing the childrens toys etc.

The children have struggled with the separation but I know that we couldn't stay together as they would grow up and blame me for an unhappy home. They talk to their dad on the phone 3 times a week and do letters every couple of weeks as well.

Over the last month or so I have been thinking about moving on, how do I meet a new person, what would the children think, how would my ex react? Just all those sort of feelings are coming up in me at the moment...

I was with my ex since age 16 though so I wouldn't even know where to start, and I don't think I'm ready, It's more just to know for in the future - options and all that...

Sherri


#2 *Jay*

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Posted 13 July 2008 - 09:17 PM

HI Sherri

I too am a single mum I have a 4 r old little boy named Liam and he is my world.

I seperated from my husband 14 months ago. I was with him for neary 7 years

I too have thought about moving on.. I have fears, concerns and negative thoughts about anyone wanting me. My lil man is doing ok with the seperation. I tho am completely hating it. My ex wasted no time moving on but now my son is stay with them (not just dad) and I just can't handle the thought of my son being in the life of another female. I know she will never be his mum.



#3 Mishu

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Posted 13 July 2008 - 10:02 PM

Hi girls smile.gif

I'm a newly independent wink.gif mum to Lachlan, 2. My gorgeous munchkin.
Time with husband - 9 years
Time separated - 4 months

Things between my ex and I are ok at the moment. He is hoping we can reconcile, I need more time to work out what I want. I'm actually quite happy on my own, so I don't know what the future holds for us. But I'm feeling positive about what lies ahead for me, for some strange reason.

I'm managing things well on my own, I work full-time, Lach is in childcare. My ex works shift work and travelled a bit, so this isn't such a big change for us. Lach has adjusted well, I'm just now eager for my ex to settle into a routine of having Lach, so a I can start to do a few things for myself, like exercise laugh.gif

I've also been wondering how I move on, meet someone else... how on earth do you manage this when you are a sole parent??

I've not yet had to face my ex having a new partner, I really don't know how I will feel or cope with that. Lots of hugs to you *Jay*, it must be so tough for you at the moment.

Looking forward to sharing some advice smile.gif

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#4 Mishu

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Posted 19 July 2008 - 11:01 AM

How is everyone going? My ex just picked up Lach, so I have day to myself. I'm going back to bed for a snooze tongue.gif then I'm heading to Balmain markets for a bit of retail therapy. I take this time to pamper myself, otherwise I wander around the empty house feeling a bit lost. It's funy, I crave a break and to have some me time, then when I have it, I feel lost sad.gif

What is everyone else up to this weekend?




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#5 MegLegs

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Posted 19 July 2008 - 04:41 PM

Hope you don't mind me joining girls unsure.gif

Name - Megan
Child - Logan, 2.5 years.
Time with Partner/Husband - 8/9 years
Time Separated - Just over 2 years, divorced for coming up to 12-months.

I spose I've been apart from my husband a while now so I've been able to assess my life a great deal. When he and I broke up, I went through a phase of dating men and disposing of them relatively quickly - then fell for a mate on the rebound which ended badly late last year. I've been properly single for about 6-months and have only recently gone back into dating again and am seeing someone now, but taking things slowly...

With my divorce I spose I went through a bit of a meltdown. He moved on very quickly (within 2months) and she was pregnant within I think a month of their relationship - so I had to deal with a baby I had full-time on my own back then and also having my ex-husband's new life being rubbed in my face...it wasn't good at the time but not much I could have done about it then put on a brave face and keep going.

In the last 12-months we've implemented a new 50/50 care arrangement for Logan which has been going relatively good. I am currently in the process of mediation however to have this arrangement put into an official parenting order as we've done nothing formally in relation to Logan's care up to this point and would prefer to have that done to protect myself. There are a few other issues that need to be brought up, but my main priority at this point is ensuring that Logan's care remains positive and beneficial for his growth and general well being.

I work fulltime and have done so since Logan was about 8 weeks old. I took some time off when he was about 6-months old but other then that, I've been working the whole time. I have a lot of support around me; my immediate family (mother and sister) are my angels and mum looks after him each morning, then takes Logan to daycare for the afternoons so that I can work - without this I would not be able to support my son in the way I would like to, so it's such a relief for me to have that. My friends are very understanding - I have one week where I can be carefree and go out, do what I like...and then thealternative week I have Logan so I recluse at home with him. It's a good balance and Logan appears to be thriving.

Communication between us parents is probably something that could be improved. I've implemented some strategies which have worked up until recently and have since slacked off, so I am trying to get those back up again. At the moment, Logan is at a crucial age for development so I feel that it is imperative that both his father and I remain open in communication to ensure that Logan is developing at similar levels in both households - so far this has been good and Logan is adapting so well to these new skills.

I'm finding it very hard this week though as instead of parting with Logan for a week, I've got two weeks in a row where I am not seeing him as I am going on a trip - when I get back I know I will have him for 2 weeks but I am just really struggling with not seeing him at the moment. My boy really is my whole world and those Friday's that I get him back are somthing that I look forward to all week... I'm halfwa through at the moment so I don't get him in my arms until next Sunday sad.gif But then I won't let him go for another fortnight smile.gif so I'll be a very happy and busy mummy.

Anyway, better head off - have a great weekend girls.
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#6 invisible

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Posted 19 July 2008 - 07:55 PM

QUOTE(MegLegs @ Jul 19 2008, 04:41 PM) View Post

In the last 12-months we've implemented a new 50/50 care arrangement for Logan which has been going relatively good. I am currently in the process of mediation however to have this arrangement put into an official parenting order as we've done nothing formally in relation to Logan's care up to this point and would prefer to have that done to protect myself. There are a few other issues that need to be brought up, but my main priority at this point is ensuring that Logan's care remains positive and beneficial for his growth and general well being.


Hi girls

Megan - I have just started the mediation process as well. I have had my intake interview and am now waiting for my ex to be contacted. I have spoken to him about it and I want the parenting plan to be sent to the family court to be stamped and made into a parenting order so it is legal. Is that what you are planning on doing too?

I am having quite a bit of resistance from the ex - he would like to keep it as a parenting plan so it is not legal but I am a bit short on trust when it comes to him so I don't think I will agree. With his history (threats, violence, alcoholism and mental illness) I dont even have to do mediation but I would prefer to go down that path and agree on visitation instead of dragging it out in the family court.

I work a couple of hours every morning at a kindy doing admin and I am very lucky that I am receiving Jet Child Care Assistance until the end of the year. I am so HAPPY because I did my tax yesterday and I am getting a great amount back plus I am looking forward to the Child Care Rebate and the Family Supplement. Hopefully, I will get most of my debt cleared by the end of the year and be on my way to buying a house. Luckily, I live in a small country town so the prices are within reach for me.

Megan - Are you still in the house that you brought or have you sold and are renting?

Girls, I hope you are all having a great weekend smile.gif

Sherri




#7 MegLegs

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Posted 19 July 2008 - 08:47 PM

QUOTE(sherri @ Jul 19 2008, 07:25 PM) View Post

Megan - Are you still in the house that you brought or have you sold and are renting?


Hey hun - I am renting where I am living at the moment. I still own my house, but I have tenants in there and am reaping the benefits of renting (rent assistance, tax, etc.). I am actually looking into selling my house now to buy another larger home that I can move into as in the 18-months I've had my house, I've earnt about $50k in equity which I can put into a nicer home that I can actually live in.

I am actually meeting with a sales agent tomorrow, so provided they think I can get what I need for my house to be able to buy another, I'll be putting it on the market in a matter of days - very scary!!!


QUOTE(sherri @ Jul 19 2008, 07:25 PM) View Post

Megan - I have just started the mediation process as well. I have had my intake interview and am now waiting for my ex to be contacted. I have spoken to him about it and I want the parenting plan to be sent to the family court to be stamped and made into a parenting order so it is legal. Is that what you are planning on doing too?


Yeah that's what I am after too hun, at the moment we have nothing written at all in relation to Logan's care, it's just done by mutual agreement which while it has worked, isn't the best way to leave things.

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#8 RosiePosie

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Posted 22 July 2008 - 11:25 PM

Knock, knock hi girls!

Thought I'd join in here too. I'm a solo mama to my almost 17 month old son.


Hope we can keep this thread going as a place of support. smile.gif
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#9 invisible

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Posted 04 August 2008 - 02:35 PM

Hi girls

Sorry I have been slack in posting in here!

I have had a really annoying cough for the last 10 days that I cant seem to shake. I have been having family problems - my mum is sick, my grandmother had a heart attack and my fridge and vacum cleaner are broken.

The ex should be doing his intake interview for mediation this week so I am hoping that moves forward a bit quicker. After 3 weeks I called Relationships Australia to check progress only to have them tell me that they hadn't sent the invite letter yet so that was a wasted 3 weeks!

I have brought the children new car seats each for $159 at the Target toy sale. They are the hipod barcelona. I am so excited to finally have nice and new and safe car seats for the 10 hour trip to see their dad in 6 weeks. They havent seen him for almost 3 months now so they are missing him terribly!

Now please don't feel the need to answer this if you don't want to but I am wondering somethings about child support. My ex pays $185 a month for 2 children and I have asked him to pay for one of the car seats as they are needed for the trips we take to see him and he thinks child support should cover it? I think that that is for rent, food, electricity etc. Everyday bills and the like. The children also need new bedroom suites in the next 6 to 12 months and I would like to go halves in that too?

Should child support cover the 'big ticket' items as well or are they halved between the parents?

Thanks and I hope you are all going well
Sherri

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Posted 04 August 2008 - 09:10 PM

QUOTE(RedLips @ Aug 4 2008, 03:16 PM) View Post

Sherri with child support it is there to pay you or to use in payment for other things such as school books etc. Unless you had a fantastic relationship with your ex thats all you would get money for.

I remember when b and i first split he used to give me money in advance when i was short.
He also chipped in half for school photos cause he wanted half the package.

Bedroom suite, no that has nothing to do with him and his money. Sorry.


Thanks claire.

I really wasn't sure. We have a verbal agreement that he pays half of the school fees as Amber goes to a private school and we made that decision prior to the break up. We also share travel costs (mainly fuel) as we are ten hours apart. We will also share major costs like school trips and operations if needed. I must have it pretty good compared to others.

I just think it sucks that because we decided to break up the children may miss out on things they need. My ex has it pretty good as he lives at his parents house and has no expenses. So, I think that there is a chance that he will save and we can go halves in the bedroom suites. I must be pretty naive in regards to child support because I thought that both parents still have to go halves in big things like that!

Sherri

#11 ~*Keira*~

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 10:40 PM

Name - Keira
Children - Cade 4 Months
Time with Partner/Husband - Almost 9 years
Time Separated - 2 months


As you will see we I am only recently seperated so am still comming to terms with everything.
He say it's only temporary, but to be honest im not 100% sure it is. I am in 2 minds about things atm. I am doing ok holding it together the best I can, I have started seeing a councillor and guess i will just be working things through slowly and see how they go. He goes away all next month so I will see basicly how things are when he gets home.
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#12 RosiePosie

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 10:51 PM

Hi Keira,

I'm sorry to hear you and hubby have separated. And with bubs so young, it's such an emotional time anyway but to add marital 'issues' into the mix is really hard.

If there's anyway I can help, please let me know. My PM box is open always smile.gif
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#13 kils

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Posted 01 October 2008 - 03:58 PM

Name: Keely
Children: Jayda - 18 months
Time with husband: 5 years
Time separated: almost 5 months

I'm joining you girls.

I have been hesitant to kind of openly declare myself as single, as even though I'd decided it was time to move on, I was thinking perhaps we might work things out together once we'd had a bit of space, but I have just recently seen photo's from a mutual 'friend' of my ex cuddling up to some girl at the races, looking very close, so I think it's time to come to terms with it myself, and realise it's not going to happen, move on move on!

We split when Jayda was a little over 1, but really, we've been on shaky ground since the end of last year, and since Feb this year basically were living separate lives.

Having a lot of problems at the moment with custody issues. He refuses to have her any less than equal nights, & it's really affecting her, she's changed from an always happy friendly child to a tantrum throwing (currently at least 3 full blown kicking screaming rolling on the floor tantrums a day, with little whinges & screaming thrown in thoughout the day also) clingy (I can't put her down at all at the moment) screaming child who won't sleep and I'm just so worried about her!

I have to start mediation, I spoke to him & he insists there is nothing wrong with her, and he told me our relationship with each other would become hell if I pursued it.

Before this we'd been getting along okay.

So it's hard at the moment, I need to start the mediation process again, we started mediation in the beginning as he was insisting on a week at a time which was far too long for her, and when I'd try & talk to him he'd just get angry and start a fight and throw things, that is his answer to everything, explode and get angry and scare me into agreeing with him - well no more!!!!
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#14 RosiePosie

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Posted 02 October 2008 - 01:03 PM

Welcome kils smile.gif


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