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Just those little irritating things


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#1 Sariele

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Posted 18 February 2008 - 09:02 PM

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually pretty happy on my own. I've only had one serious relationship which was only 2 and a half years long, and that was over so long ago now that I don't even feel sad anymore. I've dated a couple of other guys since then; one I adored who dumped me (but then I only cried for two minutes!) and another who I met online but dumped when I realised I was trying to force myself to be attracted to him, lol.

But there are things that majorly get to me as a single girl. These are the main ones:

Firstly, I HATE how often I am told by family members, girlfriends, male friends, friends of my parents, random people I meet (you get the idea), "You're so gorgeous/attractive/sweet/funny/nice/cool, I can't believe anyone would ever dump you!"; "How come you've only ever dated a handful of guys, I'd have thought they'd all be queing up for you?"; "Have you ever noticed the way guys turn their heads to look at you? You could have anyone you want."; "Of course you'll get married one day, how could you not?"; "Any man would be an absolute fool to not want to be with you".

You get the idea. These comments do NOT help! They just make you all the more frustrated; make you want to scream at the person, "Oh yeah??? If I'm so awesome, where the hell are all these guys who are meant to be drooling over me???" I have been told that a lot of the guys at my work find me attractive, but I don't trust any of them (I work FIFO on a mine site and a lot of them have wives and partners back home), and they are all too blokey and crude for me anyway.

Which leads to my second "irritating thing": ALL the good ones are taken. Many of you will dispute this, but I'm serious. Excuse me for not wanting to hook up with a reclusive weirdo, a drunken yobbo, a player, a drug user, a smoker (nothing against smokers, but I just refuse to date one). Where are all the gentlemanly, sweet, funny, caring guys like the ones so many girls I know have found? Oh, that's right, they're all married to other girls!

Yes, "other girls". That's my third irritating thing. There's nothing more infuriating than seeing the most wonderful guy in a relationship with an absolute BITCH. But see it we do. All the freaking time. I look at these poor blokes, and I think, Do they know how easy it can be? Do they have any idea that if they were with someone low-maintenance like me, their lives would be so much cruisier and happier? Evidently not. Perhaps they like their women treating them like shit and being demanding? Well if so I'm probably never going to keep a guy interested, since I've never even had a fight with a boyfriend. Maybe next time I should pick a fight for no reason and see if they instantly like me more...

Finally, and this is the big one, the main reason us humans feel the need for romantic relationships in the first place... procreation! I desperately want kids. So amazingly badly that it occupies much of my thought without me even realising it. Just today I saw a lady at the shops with her newborn, and I got this hormonal rush which caused a funny feeling in my stomach, a feeling I recognised instantly as my body saying, "Come on, that should be you! What do you think you're doing, sitting about instead of continuing the species like you're designed to? Get off your arse and go get preggers!". I have decided that if I'm unattached at 35, I'm going straight to the donor clinic and making it happen. I'm 26 now, so I've still got a few more years before taking desperate measures. But honestly, it's hard enough to meet a guy at all, let alone one who wants children. All I seem to encounter these days are guys who make scathing comments about young children and what a pain in the arse they are.

I'd prefer it if my future children grew up with a daddy, and if I didn't have to explain to them about how mummy got pregnant from a nurse inserting some "special stuff" donated by "some random guy" into mummy's tummy. But at the same time, at least my life would be more fulfilling with children, and if I am able to do it on my own (fingers crossed), maybe I don't need a man at all?

Because as I said in the beginning, I really am happy on my own.
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#2 * Kylie *

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 07:10 AM

I'm hearing you loud and clear. Every single one.

The one thing I'm hating at the moment, is how I'm turning into a bitter old bitch of a friend. One of my dear friends is engaged, she honestly has no comprehension of what I've been through the past 4 months and how hard it is for me to sit and hear her go on and on about her upcoming wedding. She's never had her heart broken so has no idea, and she expects I should have been 'over it all' about 3 months ago. But now I find I want to avoid her emails, not speak to her or see her. I had to go to her engagement party on the day I had booked everything for my hens day. She emailed me later and asked why I wasn't myself at the party. I think one of the most insulting things someone has said to me, but I hate the fact I'm being like this!! I want to be happy for her, but I just feel like completely giving up.

As many times as people say 'someone is going to snap you up' I just don't believe it. It took me 27 years to find the most worthless piece of shit on earth to want to be with me, how long is it going to take to find a man who actually has some respect and real love for me?

I HATE IT. Hate it so much. I'm nearly 30. I should be getting married in 2 months. I should be planning to have my babies. Instead, I'm feeling desperately alone, and going for tests to see if I can actually be a mum, because at my age I'm sure I'm starting to dry up.

I'm so over it.
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#3 Mumma3

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 08:30 AM

Completly agree with many of your statements!
Mum of three. Some I get to hold in my arms...all I get to hold in my heart.

If your parent dies, you are an orphan. If your spouse dies, you are a widow.
But if your baby dies... there is no word for that.


#4 *Ali*

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 06:09 PM

Ergh, hun I'm also agreeing with you 100%. It's all so true.

I was single for about 18months and I will (probably) be re-entering the single scene quite shortly so I know exactly how you feel, and it can be depressing at times.

It does seem like all the decent guys are either married or gay. Which is totally dis-heartening.

I HATE it when friends try and set you up with guys who are just not your type because they think you're getting too desperate to care who you end up with.

I would honestly like to know where all the good men are. Surely they exist somewhere... Maybe. Hopefully.

I'm all for being a single mum intentionally. I have the same thoughts. If I'm not married by a certain time, I will also be exploring that option. I want kids, and I think just becasue you can't find a suitable partner doesn't mean you should go without.

I'm gad I'm hearing you say that you're happy on your own. That is the main thing afterall. At the end of the day, we only really have ourselves.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))


Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...

#5 Sariele

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 06:52 PM

Thanks guys, it's a massive relief to know that you all seem to feel the same way. Feel free to post any more of your own "irritating things" in here so we can vent together!

QUOTE(*Ali* @ Feb 19 2008, 07:09 PM) View Post

I'm all for being a single mum intentionally. I have the same thoughts. If I'm not married by a certain time, I will also be exploring that option. I want kids, and I think just becasue you can't find a suitable partner doesn't mean you should go without.


That's exactly how I feel. I've said the same thing to my mum, whom I thought would try to dissuade me from doing something like that. But she surprised me by saying it was fair enough. I know she wants grandchildren eventually though, so that's probably why. Hehe. A guy from work once told me, "oh, you don't want to bring a child into a single parent family, that's cruel", but I know the reason he feels that way is because he had a very troubled and un-loving upbringing. No child of mine would ever have to worry about a lack of parental love and devotion!

Oh and Kylie, I can totally understand and partially relate to what you're going through. I was bridesmaid for my cousin just a couple of months after the only guy I've ever loved broke up with me. I was excited, I had fun on her wedding day and I was very happy, but after it was all over I went through a bout of bitterness and sadness. These days any time it gets to me, I compare her life now and mine, and gradually I can appreciate the fact that I'm free to do whatever the bloody hell I want without a partner's approval; the fact I've got nothing tying me down, and that if I want to sit on my own and do nothing and not talk to anyone, there's no one there to stop me! Those are the reflections that help me get through my life.

I'm even going on a massive overseas holiday all on my own, and that excites me more than it probably would going with someone, I think. I'm looking forward to the independent feeling it will instill.
Together 6th March 2010
Engaged 21st May 2011
Married 14th April 2012

ICSI #1 - BFN ~~ ICSI #2 - BFN ~~ ICSI #3 - very early chemical, BT BFN ~~ ICSI #4 - BFN ~~ FET #1 - CHEM PG ~~ ICSI #5 - BFP!!

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#6 ***Jo***

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 08:58 PM

Girls I just wanted to come in and add my support. I've felt everything you have felt prior to meeting my husband and I was single for a while.

I'd completely given up hope of finding someone. But please have faith. There are some lovely men out there. Its just a shame that the more people get hurt, the more they protect themselves and it gets harder to open up when someone lovely does come along.

I'm all for good things happening to good people. And you are beautiful, amazing women ok?

xx
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#7 displayname

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Posted 19 February 2008 - 11:39 PM

Whilst I'm not single I can definitely sympathise. Most of my friends are still single (and shock horror they are 30 or over!) My 25 year-old cousin even said to me something akin to what you and Ali said about being a single mother if she can't find a man by x age. It's very sad and unfair that women have to have a 'timeline' of when she can have kids when men don't sad.gif Another one of my cousins is 41 and still single and I was just on the phone to my mother who was talking about her and trying to set her up and stuff. I'm not close to her (plus she lives overseas) so I don't know her story at all but I do feel sad for my her, but I don't even know if she wants to find a man anymore... if she's just given up or what. There's just so much pressure to be in a relationship, to be a mother, esp. with the media always glamourising celebrities who get married, have kids...

#8 mishkathecat

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Posted 12 March 2008 - 10:45 AM

whilst i can hear and agree with most things that you're saying, i have to say i disagree with the getting pregnant without the other half thing. i'm not a prude, i understand that the world has all sorts of different families and i don't doubt for one second that you'll be loving and kind and the most caring mother in the world. but its bloody hard work - even with someone there for support. i''m in a situation at the moment where i'm in a relationship and have a two year old but the relationship isn't that great at the moment - to the point of where i think i would rather be on my own (with my girl) than in an unhappy relationship. and the thought of that scares the sh*t out of me. purely because i know i can at least rely on my other half to look after the little one when she's sick, or when i'm sick. or i can rely on him to play with her when i need to have a shower or time alone and vice versa.

and i dont want her to grow up not being with her dad because despite all his flaws as a partner, he is an excellent father and he loves her more than anything in the world, as does she with him. and girls need their dads. (probably not when they're 17 and trying to date!) but they really do need their dads.

so the moral of the story, enjoy being single, try not to be bitter about how happy everyone else SEEMS to be - because they're probably never as happy as you think they look. i know the fascade i'm putting on at the moment IRL. women who are total b*tches to seemingly nice men are probably that way for a reason. i know i am! ohmy.gif)

single life is a time to enjoy the freedom that you won't have in a relationship or with kids. explore the world get out and about - you'll find someone. have an open mind. i think that's important.

sorry for the essay.


#9 *Ali*

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 07:35 AM

mishkathecat, while I can appreciate what you are saying I find it slightly condecending for you to say "you'll find someone, have an open mind". Whether it's true or not, I hate it when people say that.
I'm sorry, I'm not having a go at you. But It's so easy for people on the outside to say stuff like that. I'm not saying it won't happen, but the reality is maybe it won't happen.

And whilst I don't fully understand how hard being a parent is, I don't think, like I have said previously, that we should miss out on becoming mothers just because we can't find someone we want to marry or just be with.

I am sorry that your relationship isn't going so well. I know how hard that can be. And I do appreciate what you're saying.

Yes, I do believe that we should enjoy being single while we can. But I also think it's ok for us to think past it and to have 'back-up' plans in case things don't happen how we hope they do.

It does also get to a stage where sometimes being single is no longer enjoyable. It's downright lonely.



Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...

#10 * Kylie *

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 07:42 AM

I agree with Ali. I'm now 30 and have been single for 27.5 years of that. I may not find somebody. The only person I did find turned out to be a big disappointment.

If I hear one more married person tell me that I'll get snapped up, or 'he's out there' or any other kind cand caring word, I will scream.
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#11 *Ali*

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 09:19 AM

Amen to that Kylie.

Whilst I appreciate they're simply trying to cheer me up or whatever, I would appreciate them say nothing then that.
Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...

#12 delilah

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 09:55 AM

The biological issue pisses me off heartily! Men can keep having babies til they're old and wrinkly, but we women have quite the clock ticking away.
Bah!

#13 * Kylie *

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 10:05 AM

I agree with that!! I have maybe 10 years left - that thought is beginning to really freak me out!
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#14 mishkathecat

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Posted 17 March 2008 - 08:37 AM

i didn't mean to be condescending in saying that you'd find someone, i should have qualified that with "you'll find someone that deserves YOU, because i think all the girls in here are worthy of having someone like that" and if you don't... well i have to say after the weekend i've had, i'd rather alone than with someone who is a total pr*ck (sorry i'm having a bit of a rant too!)

definitely have a back up plan. i guess for me, i'd rather have a daddy for the baby so that i can have mummy time too!!! (god knows i need it today)

it is most definitely unfair that men can keep having children well into their 80s or whenever but i can't say i'd ever want to have offspring with a man that old.

i hope i cleared that up, i really didn't mean to be the person that says "it'll be alright" because there are times when you just feel like sh*t and whilst you know in your heart that things will always work out in the end, whatever that may be, while you're living it, having someone come along with their "words of wisdom" sh*ts you to tears more than anything else. i know how that can be.

but continue to have an open mind about life. whatever it brings you.

now.... i'm off to ignore my own advice and wallow in self pity for a few hours. smile.gif

#15 *Ali*

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Posted 17 March 2008 - 08:59 AM

mishkathecat , Now I get you. And thank you. I hope I didn't come across as narky.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time at the moment. My PM box is always open if you ever need to chat or anything. Or, feel free to piss and moan in here tongue.gif
Sending you ((((BIG HUGS))))
Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...




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