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Tips for new dads and dads to be


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#1 dele

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 11:40 AM

We are fast approaching the arrival of our first baby wub.gif and we can't wait but I think hubby is getting a bit anxious about it all and how he will cope being a first time dad.

So, I would love it if you could all post any tips/suggestions/advice for a new dad so I can share them with him. Hopefully this will put his mind at ease a bit and also give him a bit of time to think about things in greater details and ask questions if he wants/needs to so he is a bit more prepared/confident.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

TIA

Deanna
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#2 scasey77

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 12:56 PM

Not everyone can do this but I found hubby staying at the hospital with us for the whole time was really great for all.

For me it gave support but for hubby it meant that he could learn along with me. He was able to get straight into changing nappies and settling. He was right there hearing what the midwives had to say etc and so could ask any questions that he had. I think Matt is a lot more knowledgable for having stayed with us.

I think it is really important for the dads to jump in as early as possible as the longer you leave it the more daunting it becomes.

Also try and let hubby have some "alone" time with bubs. This is pretty difficult at the start but even getting hubby to do all the baths allows him to feel involved. ANd as bubs gets older he can sit with them while playing on their mat etc.

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#3 Starbuck

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 01:01 PM

Unsettled baby + sling + x-box = contented baby and daddy smile.gif

This was about day 2 at home - every night for the first 5-6 weeks this is how I got to get some sleep.

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#4 holly_golightly

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 01:47 PM

kermee, that photo is so cute

my hubby is addicted to his xbox and i can just see him doing that

god love them!

x
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#5 ~BJL~

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 02:50 PM

Jamie was quite nervous about what to do with a baby, having never held a newborn until Lily.

What I found helped was involving him in all the decisions and everything, and not taking the lead because I had been around babies and was the mum. I would ask him what he thought was wrong when she cried, what we should do, made him attempt to settle her instead of me doing all the settling, we did everything together those early days before he went back to work. Then when he got home, it was daddy baby time and he would take her and change her, etc, then she would sleep on his chest while I got things done around the house. Now she settles better for him than me and it was a great confidence boost for him smile.gif I really try not to butt in and say, "do it this way" and undermine him (though it is hard sometimes, being home with her I have found ways that work) but let him work out his way. If I do but in, I try to put it as though I am just suggesting something, not that he has to do it that way.
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#6 indigo

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 02:57 PM

I think the biggest thing is to let them know you think they are responsible enough. An extension of what Bianca says. May sound stupid now but after Keely was born, I actually found myself looking over his shoulder whenever he had her. I think that your maternal instincts kick in and you're just naturally protective. Make sure you make a conscious effort to give them some alone time. Remember that you have so much more bonding time than they do and they will therefore feel awkward so make sure they have ample time without you there so he feels 'part of it' and an able parent too (besides, it allows you to GO TO SLEEP! laugh.gif)
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#7 atua

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 05:05 PM

very cute kez - my first weeks for the midnight fed were adrian feeding the girls and watching star trek laugh.gif

i'm with the other girls, it's taken time but i've learnt to let him do things his way (even if i don't think it's the 'right' way cause it's not the way i would do things) - only other thing i can suggest is make him do the first bath - with the girls being small (2.46 and 2.61kg) i got the m/w to show adrian how to bath them, that way he was used to handling them wet (the theory being that if he could handle them in a bath he could handle them on dry land) - i think that helped a lot.
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#8 Neeny

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Posted 11 February 2008 - 03:39 PM

QUOTE(~bianca~ @ Feb 8 2008, 03:50 PM) View Post

Jamie was quite nervous about what to do with a baby, having never held a newborn until Lily.

What I found helped was involving him in all the decisions and everything, and not taking the lead because I had been around babies and was the mum. I would ask him what he thought was wrong when she cried, what we should do, made him attempt to settle her instead of me doing all the settling, we did everything together those early days before he went back to work. Then when he got home, it was daddy baby time and he would take her and change her, etc, then she would sleep on his chest while I got things done around the house. Now she settles better for him than me and it was a great confidence boost for him smile.gif I really try not to butt in and say, "do it this way" and undermine him (though it is hard sometimes, being home with her I have found ways that work) but let him work out his way. If I do but in, I try to put it as though I am just suggesting something, not that he has to do it that way.


WOW this really hit home to me. I am a horrible one for telling DH do this, do that because that is the way i do it. MMMMMMMMM.............I really should let him do his own thing!!

P.S Kez that photo is priceless!!
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#9 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 21 February 2008 - 11:13 PM

Ian was contracting so had to go back to work before I even left the hospital. He was able to take some half days whhich was good. he changed her first nappy and gave her first bath in hospital. He was the boss of bath time once we got home. when ever he was home, I let him have as much to do with Audrey as possible. he was really goood and would get up in the middle of the night for nappies and then bring Audrey to me for feeding.

Get the "Being Dad " DVDs, they will help, and when I was pregnant, I got Iana a boook called "SO you're going to be a daddy", which is a bit like up the duff for the blokes.
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#10 laura**

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Posted 26 February 2008 - 07:41 PM

Deanna, first of all i just want to reassure you that your husband is exactly like every other male in here i would predict!. They all get nervous and think they have no idea .... strangly enough we have no idea either we learn though!

I think the above posts have really spelt it out perfectly what i wanted to say. Make sure YOU include hubby in the decisions. It used to get so tired and with her still crying with collic at 2.00am andee was able to come up with ideas that didn't come into my head of how to fix it ( e.g we haven't tried giving her a bath yet).

I think with your partner being involved in learning together it gives him the confidence that he is doing things the right way smile.gif

I guess its also important to either give him little jobs like the bath time especially if you are breast feeding. This gives him that 10 mins just to focus on him/her smile.gif

He will develop his own relationship with the baby totally different from yours. And he will be fine. He will have his own methods.. and just like yours sometimes they work and other times they won't!. The baby will learn to adapt anyway!

My last bit of advice is don't panic if he doesn't read the baby books! Some guys just like to get into it with all hands ... and not read the preview!

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#11 -Megs-

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Posted 27 February 2008 - 01:40 PM

The only thing I have to add that the others haven't already said is to try not to correct him when he's doing things with bub. It can be hard because they're not doing it the way you think is correct, but as long as bubs is in no danger then you can always fix up whatever they did wrong later on when they aren't around.

#12 ~Emma~

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Posted 27 February 2008 - 01:44 PM

QUOTE(Mrs Megs @ Feb 27 2008, 02:40 PM) View Post
The only thing I have to add that the others haven't already said is to try not to correct him when he's doing things with bub. It can be hard because they're not doing it the way you think is correct, but as long as bubs is in no danger then you can always fix up whatever they did wrong later on when they aren't around.




i dont have children. but seeing this exact thing happen with people close by i totally 2nd it. It is a real relathionship biter






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