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ok.. wat are the "rules" here...


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#1 mrsando

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 05:42 PM

just wondering if its a'tradition' to have the mother in law getting ready at the same place as the bride and bridesmaids on the big day...?
i will have my mum and my dad and my bridesmaids with me for the day while we get ready and im thinking my mother in law to be will want to get ready with us too... i would prefer she didnt but im afraid she will expect too or ask too.. how do i go about not letting that happen with out offending her (as i know it will no matter how i tell her i dont want her there)
i luv her dearly but she will be too much to have around while im trying to destress and get ready.
has anyone been in this situation?
help sad.gif

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#2 beccabond183

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 05:46 PM

Usually no the MIL would be getting ready with the groom. I would've thought that she'd like to be with her son before he gets married & to help him get ready?

As traditionally the families would get ready separately.

Thanks how we had it anyway. Can't say I've ever heard/seen it any other way.
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#3 Daisy Belle

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:01 PM

QUOTE(beccabond183 @ Jan 18 2008, 06:46 PM) View Post
Usually no the MIL would be getting ready with the groom. I would've thought that she'd like to be with her son before he gets married & to help him get ready?

As traditionally the families would get ready separately.

Thanks how we had it anyway. Can't say I've ever heard/seen it any other way.


That's what we did. I've never heard of the MIL getting ready with the bride.


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#4 Mils

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:38 PM

^^^^
Same. Although I did write my MIL (and FIL) a letter that our wedding coordinator gave to them on the morning of the wedding saying how excited and proud I was to be marrying their son and to become a member of their family that day wub.gif

#5 * Kylie *

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:57 PM

Gosh, I'd hate to have the MIL getting ready with me! I see that as a special time with your family and girlfriends, and your groom to have that time with his family.

Has she raised this with you?
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#6 Mooze

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 07:17 PM

Maybe mention something about how much FH is looking forward to spending that morning with her and his FFIL, and that you appreciate her help in making sure he'll look great on the day?

#7 mrsando

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 09:28 PM

QUOTE(SoniaStar @ Jan 18 2008, 08:25 PM) View Post

Yeah, I agree, you don't want your MIL getting ready with you. Trust me, it happened to me!

My husband doesn't have any sisters and my MIL kept dropping very obvious hints about what our plans were for hair & makeup, and how she didn't have any girls of her own... blah blah blah...

So I was guilted into including her. In fact, both my FIL and MIL stayed with me and my peeps on the night before the wedding at the reception venue while my husband and his brothers stayed at the family home in Melbourne. The more I think about it, the more bizarre it seems.

Gah! How I allowed it to happen, I will never know.

Sorry, I digress.

DO NOT LET your MIL spend your wedding morning with you!!!


yeh thats how its is with her..she doesnt have any daughters so this is her only chance to be the mum at a wedding..and i totally get that... shes so excited and wants to be hugely invoved.. but at the end of the day its my only chance to be the bride at a wedding so im trying to have it the way i want with no regrets but im worried it will really offend her...
i just spoke with my FH aand he said (as much as she will drive him mad) he will make her spend the day with him if she asks to be with me... so im relieved about that.. smile.gif
(hes pretty wonderful like that.. i guess its one of the reasons im marrying him hehe)
thanx so much for all the replies.. im glad its not a tradition and its nice to know im not being unreasonable biggrin.gif

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#8 Hailes

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 09:52 PM

i got ready at my mums place...it was jus a given that my mil would be getting ready at her own place, or with my hubby...

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#9 TEN

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Posted 18 January 2008 - 09:53 PM

Not tradition that I know of, and no way on earth would I have wanted my MIL near me on my wedding day more than she had to be. I wouldn't have made the wedding if she got ready with us! I would have run away with the thought I was almost related to her! ARGH!

#10 bmee

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Posted 19 January 2008 - 08:23 AM

NO MIL IN YOUR ROOM ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

And I will STRESS that!

My MIL showed up unannounced AFTER Hubby and I decided that I should have my mother as the only family member other then the bridal party in the room while I was getting ready. We discussed this saying my MIL should be with her son while we were getting ready. (This especially ment alot to my mum with all the problems she's been having with cancer).

But there was my MIL as I was getting into my wedding dress. My MIL saw me in my wedding dress before my own mother! sad.gif

Honestly though, if you want your MIL there then have her there. If not, DON'T TELL HER WHAT HOTEL OR ROOM YOUR STAYING IN!!!!!!!!!!

#11 brightspark

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Posted 19 January 2008 - 08:39 AM

I agree, definitely no MIL when you get ready! That time should be for you, your mum and your close girlfriends only. When we got married, we did this where I am from, which meant my MIL and FIL had to travel over with us from the west to the east. However there was no way my MIL was going to come to the apartment where I got ready with my BM, mum and close girlfriends. I did hire a second hair dresser for some other family members etc who wanted to get their hair done (it was easter sunday). But the second hair dresser went to my mum's house where I was nowhere near. Its a special time for you to enjoy with your mum and girlfriends/sisters etc, enjoy it because it will go too quickly.
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#12 toffee

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Posted 19 January 2008 - 09:20 AM

I've never heard of MIL being at the brides place while she gets ready. my MIL was with my hubby at her place.

#13 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 19 January 2008 - 11:26 AM

QUOTE(beccabond183 @ Jan 18 2008, 06:46 PM) View Post

Usually no the MIL would be getting ready with the groom. I would've thought that she'd like to be with her son before he gets married & to help him get ready?

As traditionally the families would get ready separately.

Thanks how we had it anyway. Can't say I've ever heard/seen it any other way.

What she said, although depending on geography, sometimes they might pop in to get hair or makeup done (usually first so she can bugger off agian smile.gif )
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#14 Puggie

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Posted 19 January 2008 - 11:35 AM

If you want to compromise, what about doing what Amanda suggests? MIL could join you at the hairdressers but then leave to get ready with her son. That way she can still feel a part of things, but not there for the full thing IYKWIM?

My MIL got ready with her daughter and husband at the family home. My husband got ready at our place with his best man. I got ready at an hotel. I don't think my MIL would have wanted to get ready with us girls - and while she would have been very welcome to join us for Champagne etc. while the hair was being done, that was done over an hour away from her home, so it didn't make sense logistically.

Best wishes with it smile.gif

#15 bluenomi

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Posted 21 January 2008 - 07:10 AM

YOur MIL has got to make sure the guys get ready in time and look presentable. She doesn't have time to come and see you!
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