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#1 cat ballou

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Posted 20 August 2007 - 04:40 PM

hey girls you may know me. I'm a regular but this is going to be my Alias name. mind you if he read this which I'm sure he's low enough to resort to spying on everything I write he'd know who I was but since this is an Alias and he can't prove it's me as I've even used someone elses email address he can't do jack about it.

any way I broke up with my husband (he left) 4 months ago and we have a son together, who is now 7 months old. well I went to a lawyer and we sent off a letter to him about 2 months ago offering 1 supervised 2hr visit per month at the half way desition which is his family's residence.

since then he has made one visit to see our son in which not only was he an hour late but he bought his other son who has ADHD and needs 100% attention. at this visit he tried to run with our son in his arms and a baby doesn't have good enough upper body control to handle this. any way long story short I'm the bad guy.

also since this visit he has only made one child support payment which was short by nearly $80 and is now almost 3 weeks late with the next payment. he has also not made any attempt to contact me in regards to a visit or to ask how our son is doing.

Today I got a letter from his lawyer demanding 6hr unsupervised visits 2 out of 3 weeks between 12pm and 6pm where I'm to drive an hour and a 1/2 each way twice in that day and pay for petrol which he is not going to pay for or put any money towards. and he also doesn't even think about the fact of getting a baby into a bath and feed at 8.30 at night.

he is also demanding that I notify him of EVERYTHING that concerns son, mind you he hasn't called once since he left to ask how he's doing. And he is expecting that visit become 8hrs at 1yr old and when he's 2 they become overnight. DOESN'T HE REALISE HE'S STILL A BABY?

then on top of that he is saying I've either got to pay him $15000 for half of the debts he now has or he doesn't pay childsupport until he has debts paid off. looking at the debts he has claimed, one was an $18000 loan which he has the property (holiday club) which the loan was taken out for and the other debts he has either had since before we meet or he has run up since we split.

I'm seeing my lawyer again tomorrow morning so hopefully he can set my mind at ease.

Ok had my vent.


Anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad
and ex is not a dad

#2 foreverus

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Posted 20 August 2007 - 04:42 PM

oh geeez.. i hope your lawyer can help that sounds terrible..
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#3 ~Emma~

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Posted 20 August 2007 - 04:53 PM

I can pretty much guess who you are and i hope you get it sorted out ASAP...

#4 ~Sally~

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Posted 20 August 2007 - 05:06 PM

Yes, speak to your lawyer!!!!!

Is there a Children's Contact Service/Centre anywhere near where you are?? Ask your lawyer if you are uncertain. Where I am they offer a secure place for supervised visits and then potentially changeovers if all goes well.

For you to have to drive all that way, by yourself, is unfair and unreasonable. All our families do things 50/50 (or as much as they can 50/50) - I work in a CCS in our state.

To do with the contacts being overnight, if you go through a CCS they can gradually increase the amount of time given for visits - rather than it being one visit 8 hours and then suddenly next visit overnight.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

But again - speak to your lawyer!!!!!

((HUGS))

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#5 Lil_Miss

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Posted 21 August 2007 - 10:36 AM

Get to your lawyer now.

I cant believe him. You should be able to do something. He left you shouldnt have to drive anywhere. As for the times thats ridiculous babies need to be in bed early.

In January my ex called me demanding to have Shaina overnight starting immediately. Forgetting the fact that for the last 3 and a half years he hadnt tried to make contact. I told him if anything it would be supervised visits and i wouldnt be telling her who is to her until i though she was ready - as as far as she is concerned she has a Dad.

Havent heard a word since.

Sometimes they try but soon give up. All the best with it all and keep us up to date.

#6 Crelb

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Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:32 PM

Oh hun hes a prick!
I cant believe hes still doing this crap.

speak to your lawyer in the morning, That letter you recieved is not set in stone. Its just a request.
Your lawyer will more than likley send one back with all your requirments etc and this can go back and forth till you hit a happy medium. This is where mediation comes in handy as it cuts out a lot of time and money, but several things you have said to me in the past Im sure hes not the mediation type! But I could be wrong...

You know where I am and if you ever need anything or even just an ear feel free...

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#7 cat ballou

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Posted 22 August 2007 - 01:20 PM

Hey girls saw the lawyer yesterday. basically with regards to him demanding moneyfrom me one being for a loan for an asset he has control of, we are demanding that he sell this asset and that will wipe out the loan then we are demanding proof that he wasn't in debt when we meet (which he was) and proof that the debts were made by me (receipts, bank statements the whole lot) now I know he can't prove alot of it so that will either screw him or scare him.

we are also demanding that he pay his child support upto date. otherwise he will not be able to have visits away from my home town as I wont have the money to make those trips.

Also offered 1 supervised 3hr visit per fortnight as thats all that I can afford and that the visits have to be finished by 3pm so that I can have son home in time for evening routine. We mention that we are only interested in discussing visitation for the 1st 12months and that we will reveiw the case on ex's conduct.

Also in letter to ex is the fact that he has A). not paid child support B ). not rung to see how child is C). not organised a visit since first week of july (7 weeks ago) D). not provieded anything for the child so far (including simple grocery items)

we also talk about property and his claim that I have most of the items. and we supply a list of items he took and left with estimated value. and the offer of the last of the items (including car, fridge and dryer) then all debts will be square.

I think thats about it.

At the moment I wish that he would disappear of the face of the earth. he has turned into such a prick. All I can say is I feel sorry for the next stupid female that hooks up with him.
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#8 i-domember

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Posted 22 August 2007 - 01:42 PM

QUOTE(cat ballou @ Aug 22 2007, 01:20 PM) View Post

Hey girls saw the lawyer yesterday. basically with regards to him demanding moneyfrom me one being for a loan for an asset he has control of, we are demanding that he sell this asset and that will wipe out the loan then we are demanding proof that he wasn't in debt when we meet (which he was) and proof that the debts were made by me (receipts, bank statements the whole lot) now I know he can't prove alot of it so that will either screw him or scare him.

we are also demanding that he pay his child support upto date. otherwise he will not be able to have visits away from my home town as I wont have the money to make those trips.

Also offered 1 supervised 3hr visit per fortnight as thats all that I can afford and that the visits have to be finished by 3pm so that I can have son home in time for evening routine. We mention that we are only interested in discussing visitation for the 1st 12months and that we will reveiw the case on ex's conduct.

Also in letter to ex is the fact that he has A). not paid child support B ). not rung to see how child is C). not organised a visit since first week of july (7 weeks ago) D). not provieded anything for the child so far (including simple grocery items)

we also talk about property and his claim that I have most of the items. and we supply a list of items he took and left with estimated value. and the offer of the last of the items (including car, fridge and dryer) then all debts will be square.

I think thats about it.

At the moment I wish that he would disappear of the face of the earth. he has turned into such a prick. All I can say is I feel sorry for the next stupid female that hooks up with him.


Holy Moly blink.gif wacko.gif Why on earth would he turn so nasty?

I do hope you get it all sorted quickly. I imagine it's not nice thinking about what stunt he will pull next.

Good luck, keep us updated wink.gif


#9 Mrs.JJ

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Posted 22 August 2007 - 04:14 PM

QUOTE(*Lib* @ Aug 22 2007, 01:24 PM) View Post

Oh I'm so sorry, have you got him registered with The Child support agency? Cause they will chase him for the money and charge him for arrers.



Ahh, if only that were only the case! CSA are very reluctant yo really chase for arrears and such. After 5 yrs of dealing with them.. I dont have a good thing to say about them. Either way for yourself, I HOPE you get it sorted out.

Just a little advice from my own wisdom, is try to avoid where possible the fight with solicitors, it becomes nothing more than a tit for tat .. and the only ppl who gain are the solicitors.. as they make a lot of money. Family law really sucks... sadly. Its ment to be all about the children and whats best for them... Not once in the 4 court battles that I have been involved in, has the childrens needs, feeling or safety have been thought of. And I have learnt the hard way with over $20k+ being unnessacerily spent in 5 yrs.. and in no better position for it.

I know its nasty and it gets personal... but try and do as much as you can yourself.. and try and take time away, dont let it consume all of your life and that of your little one.. otherwise before you know it it will rule your life and that of your loved ones.

MY biggest peice of advice. KEEP A DIARY! of every event, sms, phonecall, absolutely everything.

*Big* hugs, Im here if you need to chat via PM.

QUOTE(la_jeune_mariée @ Aug 22 2007, 02:07 PM) View Post

This is so typical. I don't understand how some men can cease being fathers once they have left their childs mother.

Hijack alert - My mother was awarded a pittance in child support when my parents divorced. My Dad hid all his assets in his new girlfriends name (my mothers former best friend) and my mother was therefore awarded $20k and $50 per week in child support for 2 children. Out of spite my Dad made his first payment in 1s and 2c coins (discontinued but still legal tender at the time). The worst thing was, he actually counted them out over his own son's hospital bed (my brother had a serious childhood heart condition and was in the Children's hospital cardiac ward hooked up to monitors). He went on to a. allow his new girlfried to imply that my mother had made up my brothers heart condition in an attempt to win my father back (because of course the entire staff of the Children's hospital had an interest in maintaining my mothers charade) b. Submitted me for a DNA test in the middle of my HSC to try to intimidate Mum into stop asking for Child Support for my brother after I turned 18.

I recently asked him what he hoped to achieve through all this. He said he couldn't stand the thought of Mum getting a cent of his money. When I pointed out that if Mum didn't get a cent, we didn't get a cent he didn't seem at all concerned. I reminded him of the horrible humiliation of being the poorest kid at school, having to miss out on school excursions, educational and sporting opportunities and work my arse off like nobody else I know to get where I am and he still didn't show the slightest bit of remorse. Nice father.

His karma is that my brother and I are now warm, successful, wealthy, stable, fulfilled adults who adore our Mum and can't stand our Dad. The children who he actually raised have more problems than I care to think about. My mother also went on to remarry somebody far better than my father.

I hope your situation has a similar happy ending.


Glad too see that you have come out well at the other end, thats all I want for my girls too, I left their dad for all the right reasons... but I used to wonder if I had made the right move at times as he just didnt (doesn't care) about them.. I had to agree on your 1st comment.. its oh so true.
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#10 cat ballou

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Posted 23 August 2007 - 11:05 AM

QUOTE(*Lib* @ Aug 22 2007, 01:24 PM) View Post

Oh I'm so sorry, have you got him registered with The Child support agency? Cause they will chase him for the money and charge him for arrers.


I signed up to child support 2 months after we spilt not knowing that it was my job to apply. he had told me he had to notify them and it was centre ink which put me straight. So I missed out on 2 months worth of child support but much to his disgust I have made it a child support collect case not a private one like he asked me to change it to.

BTW I'm not changing it to private. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him.

QUOTE(~*Fleur*~ @ Aug 22 2007, 04:14 PM) View Post


MY biggest peice of advice. KEEP A DIARY! of every event, sms, phonecall, absolutely everything.



Yep keep a diary and it has every thing in it from child support payments (when, early-late, short) to how offten he calls to ask about son, visits, and even the break-up and the stuff he took. I plan on giving it to son should he ever ask why I now dislike his father so much.

Anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad
and ex is not a dad

#11 Pretty Mrs Kitty

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Posted 23 August 2007 - 11:51 AM

Just want to give you a virtual hug & hang in there sweetie. You're a great mum & your son is lucky to have you standing up for his rights.
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#12 Hamilton_angel

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Posted 23 August 2007 - 02:24 PM

I was in a similar situation to you only my x and I were still talking after he left.

I just wanted to compliment you on the fantastic job you are doing; being able to raise a 7 month old whilst dealing with all this undue cr@p on the side.

It sounds like your lawyer has it all under control.

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat anytime.

#13 Jo!

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Posted 01 September 2007 - 02:50 PM

Sorry about jumping in the middle here-

I just wanted to offer some support and give you some virtual hugs too!

What an amazing woman you are- still going to the effort to even allow this pathetic man to be a part of your son's life after all the trouble he is causing you.

I hope everything works out well for you and your son.
Congratulations and Good Luck!!!!

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#14 Lil_Miss

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Posted 05 September 2007 - 08:12 AM

You are doing the right thing.

I love your signature i totally agree with it. My mum gave Luke a magnet when Shay started calling him Dad (on her own accord)

"Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a Daddy"

Be strong and stick with the diary and write in everything no matter how small you might think it is.

#15 Tinky

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Posted 05 September 2007 - 11:22 AM

CSA certainly do chase. My ex has been paying me off for arrears and we have been apart 10 years this month. He convinced me to make it a private agreement over 5 years ago now and he would pay me $50 per week, he had the paperwork with him for me to sign at the meeting. Needless to say the money never ever surfaced,but I was a little smarter than that and ticked a tiny little box that said "would you like us to continue to collect back child support" of which I said yes. He is still paying and furious. My second youngest (23) was at his house when csa rang him to try to get him to pay out in 1 lump sum and he blew a fuse and said "if the money was going to the kids it would be different" My son reminded him in no uncertain terms that I had allready bought up my 5 children with no financial help from him so mum deserves to be paid back. He is not a nice person and was physically as well as emotionally abusive, and in doing so 2 of my boys have changed thier name by deed poll, and as I am remarrying in Feb 08 2 have asked my fiancee if they can change thier name to his once we are married.
And your right, anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.

Hang in there, good luck sweetie my thoughts are with you, now is the time to let your life begin afresh.




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