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#1 Clio



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Posted 29 July 2007 - 05:41 PM

I am feeling really lost at the moment. I have been single now for six months and haven't been with anyone since then.

My friends think I should get out there and start meeting new men but unfortunately they have only been taking me to bars. I am really not interested in anyone I have encountered while out at night with my friends.

My self confidence is at an all time low. No matter what my friends tell me I feel hideous and can't see how I will ever find someone who will want to be with me. So I physically cannot be very forward around men at the moment as I don't think I could handle rejection.

I feel like I am ready to see other men now and although I don't want a serious relationship right now, maybe having someone attracted to me again may help me feel a bit more positive about myself.

I guess the point of this thread is to find out from others who have been through a relationship breakdown how long it took before you felt ready to start seeing other people and where did you start?

I know this isn't something I can force to happen and that I will meet somone when the time is right but I just get this feeling from my friends that they expect me to be going out every weekend and being a bit more interested in the opposite sex while I am out. I get the impression that they think it is strange I haven't been with anyone yet since I became single. I don't think they understand the amount of love and commitment I felt towards my ex and the pain I am still feeling about my break up.

I don't have alot of spare time at the moment- with working full time and working on getting my business set up in my spare time, I only have a small amount of time and energy to drag myself to the gym so I don't know how else I can get out and about and meet new people.

I miss the companionship of having a partner and really do want that again so I feel like maybe I should be more open to meeting new people and having some fun. But where do I start?
"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!

#2 jantastic


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Posted 29 July 2007 - 05:51 PM

Hi, just acknowledging your post.

I dont really know what to suggest to you sorry hun...

My brother's with a lady who he is sooo happy with, and he met her through speed dating. (although there is a certain 'stigma' with speed dating, I think 'who cares?!'... it's so hard to meet people these days) I guess another bonus for speed dating is if you do hear that someone's marked you as someone they'd like to get to know better.

I dont really know what you look like, but I know I've seen lots of your posts, and you seem really really lovely on the inside, which in my opinion is a great start!

good luck.

development is a journey, not a race

#3 Clio



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Posted 29 July 2007 - 06:30 PM

Hi Jan,

Thanks for your reply.

I think I need to find some single friends. It would be much easier if some of my friends were single.
"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!

#4 In Visible

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Posted 29 July 2007 - 06:40 PM

Hi Hun, Im sorry to hear your feeling down.

I personally feel that you need to give yourself some more time. Dont worry about what your friends think about when you should get back out there just be yourself.

You have been through sooo much over these last 6mths!! Lots of heartbreak and turmoil, not getting any answers, moving countries etc its a lot to deal with. And you guys were together for a long time. Maybe now is the time to forget about relationships and give yourself some 'me' time and focus on yourself. You dont need a man to make you feel attractive. Get a hair cut, spray tan or facial whatever makes you feel good about yourself.

I went through a really bad break up once. And my friends all thought 6mths later the best thing to do was go out copping off every weekend. I went out but never enjoyed myself and if a man came near me I gave him the cold shoulder I just wasnt interested.

It took me a long time to forgive and get over what happened and I spent lots of time in my own company just getting back to being me again. Then I went through a stage of being desperate for a boyfriend. I felt like I was ready get to back out there and be part of a couple again. But when I wanted a boyfriend I couldnt find one and I felt like a desperate loser!!! It wasnt a nice time.

Then was the next stage. The 'stuff it' stage where I couldnt be bothered anymore and if I found someone it was just meant to be. I stopped looking. This was also the time I took a new job and left my old depressing one. I found my husband at my new job, when I had stopped looking.

I just wanted to share my story with you. I dont know if this is how you feel but give yourself a break. You will find someone when the time is right. And I know statements like that may p*ss you off right now (cause you have heard it so much) but its true. Just be yourself. Your a great girl and you deserve great things!!

Take Care of yourself. xxx
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#5 Arial


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Posted 30 July 2007 - 11:30 AM

Some of my friends did speed dating and had a ball. None of them met a life partner but all had fun and gave their confidence a boost. I would suggest going with someone else.

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#6 vanessa6


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Posted 30 July 2007 - 04:13 PM

Hi Clio,

I am not sure of the circumstances surrounding your break up, but I broke up with my fiance in March as I realised he was not "the one" we were due to get married in September.

Now I find myself for the first time in 5 years, gulp, single and I have to say I am enjoying for the most part, but then there are times it plain sucks. Like when you go out and you are competing with 18 year olds!.

As of 2 weeks ago I joined the world of internet dating and so far I have been enjoying it, there really are some great people out there.

Of course there is no right and wrong time to start again, it is something that you just feel.

Good luck hon

#7 *Ali*


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Posted 31 July 2007 - 01:51 PM

Hi Clio

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit ordinary at the moment.
I found it hard to get back into things when I broke up with my ex, but it does get easier. I only took about 6 weeks, but my situation is alot different to yours.

Try internet dating. I've met some lovely guys through there.

Also, it sounds so cliche, but if you feel confident and attractive, that's how you will appear to others. I know it's so much easier said than done, but it's true. Work on feeling good about yourself. Buy a new sexy outfit, get your hair done. Stand infront of the mirror & find all the wonderful things about yourself that you love.

Most important, if you go out to just have fun & don't think about meeting men, you will meet them. I always meet them when I least expect, or want it!

Chin up hun, it does get better and easier. You have been through alot. Don't beat yourself up if you take a bit longer than what your freinds expect.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me anytime!

Someday everything will all make perfect sense... So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason...

#8 Clio



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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:47 PM

Hi again,

It has taken me a while to come back in here.

It is only a week out until what should have been the wedding and I know I am definitely not ready to meet anyone new.

I think my main problem has been frustration. I know I am not ready nor do I want to meet anyone new but I feel like I am back at the start again. I should have been getting married next week and my ex and I had planned to start TTC soon after. So I feel as though I have lost everything. I don't know what I want out of life anymore. I can't even make decisions regarding my career or where I want to be 5 years from now. Even the simplest things are incredibly hard for me.

My friends keep telling me that I am not alone and that I have them but one of my best friends has let me down. I asked four of my closest friends to be with me next weekend to distract me. Two on Saturday and two on Sunday. One of my friends who was going to a bridesmaid informed me tonight that she is working next weekend and will see if she can come and visit me. All I have asked of them was to be with me next weekend and asked them all months ago. She doesn't work every weekend so it would be easy for her to swap with someone else at work ( she has done this before for alot less). They all know how hard this month is for me and how incredibly difficult next weekend will be.

I don't have my family to support me and knew that I would have to get through this alone. Although my friends have tried to convince me I am not alone, I can't help but feel that I was right in thinking I am alone.
"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!

#9 **SuzieP**


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Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:55 PM

Sorry your friend has let you know. Just letting you know we're all here for you on I-Do smile.gif

Also, i wouldnt think about it as moving backwards in life. Look at it as a side side. Dont think about when its right to meet new people etc. Especially to be romantically linked etc. Just think of getting out there and meeting new people. whatever is meant to be will be.

Also, internet dating is a safe way to meet people. when you're hiding behind your screen no makeup and in PJ's!! Thats how i met my hubby!! and this was 4 weeks after breaking up with what i thought was the love of my life.

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#10 ~steph~


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Posted 20 August 2007 - 02:01 PM

I have no advice, just wanted to give you a huge hug and I hope next weekend isn't too painful for you sad.gif ...

#11 Hamilton_angel


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Posted 23 August 2007 - 02:12 PM

My husband left me for another woman when we had a six month old child. I felt like I had no hope of moving on especially for a year or two.

I found books on seperation to be a great help to lift my spirits and help me believe there was so much out there waiting for me.

Anyhow, I put my profile on an internet dating site (not sure if I am permitted to mention the name but PM me if you like). More to meet some new faces (and all my friends were married with kids) I didn't really have much faith that much more would come of it.

6 months after my husband left I met a great guy who I have been seeing now for six months. Who could believe he was only a 15 minute drive away all along!!

Anyhow even if you don't meet anyone its a great pick me up and keeps your options open.

I found it to be perfect as I knew his basic details and he knew mine before we even met. We chatted on-line for a week or two, Met in a public place for a coffee and 2 x coffee's and a movie later I was over the moon - couldn't believe how much we had in common.

Good Luck. Everyone says it but you will be OK

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