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#1 MrsZ2B



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Posted 13 July 2007 - 04:00 PM

I feel like i am on an emotional rollercoaster. Everyone warns you about weddings and families but i never realised it would get to me so much.

I just need to feel like im not the only one lol. ill try and make this as short as possible:

Basically parents divorced when i was 2 and i have had an on and off relatioship with my biological father - his choice not mine. All the usual stuff. Anyway, when i had my daughter 2 years ago i made the decision to stand up for myself because i didnt want the emotional turmoil my father causes to impact my life anymore - and especially my daughters. So i spoke to him and said - even though we rearly see eachother anyway, that i wanted our realtionship to change so i could get my head together and move forward with my life - i didnt want him out of it just more kept at arms length. This was a shock for dad as he thinks he is a great father...but thats a whole other story, anyway at the same time, i made it clear that my step dad - who had bought me up since i was 5, im now 26, was the father roll in my life, would be the grandfather in my childs life and that he would be giving me away when i got married. This horrified all of my biological fathers side of the family and needless to say, caused dramas which all settled down until my engagement.

So after we got engaged it came up that my biological dad basically didnt want to come to our wedding, he said i had taken away his right as a father and among other things basically was making all wrong decisions relating to my wedding, including the fct that we had decided to not invite cousins and children. This was a decision DF and i made for several reasons:

other than the fact i only see my cousins once a year if that, as you know if you have one you have to have all and there is no cut off, so we decided none. actually out of my 20 or so there are 2 coming, one lives with my parents and has done for a few years and is like a brother and the other has been a huge part of my life.

Cost - we are tying to keep numbers down and i am a firm believer that you should be able to invite the people you want to, and not ones you are forced to.

The whole kid issue is pretty much the same, im having my daugter at the ceremony but then i am having her picked up and babysat - along with some of my younger female cousins who wanted to see the ceremony - all are welcome at the ceremony by the way.

Anyway, basically my dads family think i am trying to rid them from my life (amoung other nasty words they called me selfish, spiteful and mean) and now none of them are comng, i have stuck to my guns, i still invited them but not their children who range in age from 10 to 22. because alothough i do feel bad that they are upset i dont believe i made the wrong decision.

Now what should be such an exciting time, leading up to my wedding is tainted because in the back of my mind i cant stop thinking about those things they said about me and i hate it.

On top of all of this the cousin i did invite has got the s***s because (she is 21) and apparently an adult and even though she lives at home i should have given her her own invite and not put her name on her parents and is angry i didnt invite her on/off again boyfriend, i feel strongly that while i feel i made the right decision about not inviting my cousins to the wedding it would not be fair to invite her boyfirend who i have never met and from week to week their relationship changes.

I just hate this feeling.... this should just be such an exciting time, and dont get me wrong of course it is, but this inviting crap and family getting angry is driving me insane.

As much as i wouldnt wish similar dramas on anyone, i hope im not the only one :0(

Thanks if you've made it this far.

#2 MrsJo


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Posted 15 July 2007 - 12:44 PM

You most certainly are not the only one who has family dramas of this kind in relation to your wedding!

Your situation sounds really stressful, and all I can say is keep doing what you feel is right, stick to your guns. You know who genuinely loves and respects you and wants to be there for the right reasons, you know your limits, and how you want things to be, so don't feel bad about that. You can't please everyone, and let's face it some people don't deserve to be pleased anyway.

We had a small budget, so invited everyone including children to the ceremony but only 45 close friends and family to the reception. This caused all kinds of issues with lots of people who thought they deserved to be at everything even though I have never met them, Jon doesn't like them, and they have never had anything to do with either of us. They are still bitching about it now 2 years later, but it has no impact on us, they were like that before hand, will be like that forever, hence why they weren't invited!

Try to not let it ruin the happy times, just do what you think is right, and you aren't doing it to be nasty, it is just how it is. People have to realise no one has a right to go to anyones wedding, it is a privilege if you are invited but not an offence if you are not, unless it is done for mean and spiteful reasons which clearly is not what you are doing.

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#3 Arial


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Posted 15 July 2007 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE(Belladoah @ Jul 15 2007, 12:44 PM) View Post

Try to not let it ruin the happy times, just do what you think is right, and you aren't doing it to be nasty, it is just how it is. People have to realise no one has a right to go to anyones wedding, it is a privilege if you are invited but not an offence if you are not, unless it is done for mean and spiteful reasons which clearly is not what you are doing.

What Jo said! Take care and enjoy your planning!
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#4 Mellybel


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Posted 15 July 2007 - 06:23 PM

HUGS Mrs Z sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif

My parents divorced when I was young and although he will definitely be invited his extended family won't - don't see them - and he won't be walking me down the aisle/FOB speech etc... Prolly the first indication will be his name not being on the invites

Unfortunately, weddings seem to bring out the worst and selfishness in ppl, almost like they forget it is the b&g's day, not theirs

Mel x
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#5 MrsZ2B



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Posted 16 July 2007 - 11:52 AM

Thanks girls,

Its just so hard you know.

I feel like im doing everything right and i know ive made the right decisions, i just never new it would blow up like it did. Im just trying to focus on accepting it all and then letting it go. This is not the sort of stuff i want to be thinking about on my wedding day.

Thanks again

#6 chelley


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Posted 22 July 2007 - 12:08 AM

Mrs Z there are dramas with nearly every wedding and there were with our familes as well - you are NOT alone.

I think you have acted correctly, by my book smile.gif, in all situations and I would have made the same decisions you have, for the same reasons you have.

This is your day and if people cannot be happy for you then they can move out of your way and make way for people who share your happiness. Wedding highten emotions and a lot of it blows over after the wedding or you find that people who make a real stink pull their heads in quick smart when you stick to your guns

Yep I agree that it should be easier, but well thats' life and it makes you appreciate your hubby more -doesn't it
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