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Inviting ex-in-laws


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#1 Primm

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 05:24 PM

First of all I should start by saying I've already asked my ex's sister to my wedding - she and I are still really good friends.

But my mother thinks it's inappropriate! Just wondering how many of you think I've done the right thing?

My ex was an abusive, adulterous person, but his family (apart from his sister) think he left me because I couldn't do housework to his standard - apparently the fact that he never came home and I was being treated for depression because when he was there he was throwing things at me, and when he wasn't home he was sleeping with someone else are irrelevant. rolleyes.gif

So I've stayed in contact with his younger sister, and she and I stay at each other's place when we are in town, my kids love her, and she's coming to my wedding.

Now in her defence, my mother thinks the reason I shouldn't invite her is that she may feel uncomfortable, because my friends know her (but as ex's sister). I don't think she would, and I think that if she didn't want to come she'd have used the "I live interstate and it's too far" excuse, rather than being all excited.

So what do you all think?

Ruth

#2 123

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 05:35 PM

I think the main thing here is what ties you together is your friendship, not your ex. If she is your friend and you want her there to celebrate your special day and she wants to celebrate with you then why not?

#3 Puggie

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE(Chiara @ Jun 27 2007, 05:30 PM) View Post

Asking the ex parents in law would be a different story.

Hehe! My ex's parents came to our engagement party and wedding. They flew from Perth > Melbourne for each biggrin.gif

I am extremely close with my ex's Mum and Dad. When my ex's Mum discovered she had breast cancer, she rang me first. When she or they come to Melbourne, they stay with us (not their son). My ex's father was the usher at our wedding (he really wanted to be part of it in some way) and had TEARS IN HIS EYES when he got ready to open the doors before I went down the aisle. The last thing he said before I was married was 'Sweetheart - you look absolutely beautiful' wub.gif. The ex's Mum came to my final fittings, hens lunch etc. They came over a week before the wedding to help out with final preparations...

My husband's folks are fine with it. They understand the ex's parents don't want me back with ex (they were the ones who said to leave him blink.gif laugh.gif). My folks are OK with it too - when we were talking with wedding vendors/at fittings etc. we called ex's Mum my 'aunt'. Hubby is fine with it - he knows I am close with them, and they love him to bits wub.gif

Do whatever suits you and your circumstances biggrin.gif

#4 --M--

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 05:53 PM

My ex brother in law (my sisters ex husband) came to my wedding. They remain friends though and I have known him for yonks so it was easy, no one was uncomfortable, however if it was messy it would have been a different story.

#5 nat nat

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 05:54 PM

Ive never been in that situation but I think that you should definately invite her. She is, as you say, a good friend and still very much apart of your life. Maybe you should explain your friendship to your mother so that she can understand why you are inviting her to your wedding.
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#6 Primm

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 06:02 PM

Yep! tongue.gif

I haven't seen them since we split up (over 5 years) and the only way I know what they think of me is that she rang my father once years ago - he was too gobsmacked to say anything.

If they were there I might be tempted to tell them the real story about their golden child after a few drinks, and I don't think that would be good for anybody!

Thanks for reinforcing what I thought anyway, girls.

Ruth

#7 mrs_mallie

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 06:05 PM

I think you did the right thing smile.gif if you too are friends and you want her there go for it. I would love to invite my ex's parents, I love them but I can't though.
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#8 Puggie

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 06:09 PM

QUOTE(Chiara @ Jun 27 2007, 05:56 PM) View Post

Hehe I meant for Ruth it would be a bad idea to invite her ex PIL's..... I am glad you are still close to yours smile.gif

Is ok - I figured that's what you meant smile.gif I was just using my situation as an illustration.

#9 MrsF

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 08:09 PM

I think thats its fine !

Just because she is your ex's sister shouldnt mean shes less of a friend ! A friends a friend in my eyes smile.gif


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#10 katy_bride

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Posted 28 June 2007 - 09:56 AM

Yep agree with the other girls - you're inviting her as a friend not because you're obliged to. If she doesn't want to come because its awkward that is something she has to think about, but you want her there to help you celebrate smile.gif

Puggie I love your story about your ex's parents, thats so wonderful smile.gif

#11 ~Sally~

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Posted 28 June 2007 - 01:02 PM

As long as you (and your H2B) friends with them I don't see a problem with it.

I personally wouldn't invite my ex's parents or any of his family. I was honestly in two minds about what to do with the card that they sent (and the one from my ex too)... This family still think that I was the one who was wrong by leaving (leaving an abusive - physically and emotionally abusive - partner).

These are the people I would cross the street to avoid...

But my situation is different to others - so like I said - if your friends then they can join in with your day too.

Cxx

#12 patricia

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Posted 01 July 2007 - 06:46 AM

Ruth i agree with what the other girls have said, a friend is a friend and you also said that your children love her to bits can i ask if she is their auntie?

Just explain to your mum and your friends that even though she is the sister of your ex that is not what she means to you, she is a close friend and that when they see her they should see her as a friend and not as a relative to your ex and that they should give her a chance and make her feel wlecome and comfortable at the wedding.

It is hard when ex-inlaws or even the ex are still part of your life (my husband has in-laws their not close anymore but we all still speak when we see each other except the ex wife as she is not so nice to me or my husband and likes to leave us with a credit debt 5 years after the split and say things about my husbands family that she shouldn't say but that is another thread and alot of cocktails as they will help make me laugh and not cry- my shout girls biggrin.gif )
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