I don't speak to my mother much. I was an unplanned pregnancy and have always felt 'different' within my family. Leading up to my wedding last year it was tantrum after tantrum and then she embarrassed me and disappointed me on my wedding day (along with a few other family members from my side).

My brother has stopped talking to me due to me expressing my disappointment and embarrassment of my family members behaviour - his reason being (from a third party as he wouldn't talk to me about it) was that I was acting like I was too good for that family.

I very rarely speak to my mother since... only when I have to as its normally self centered talk. I could keep talking about the negative things but people have real problems to deal and well I guess I am over her and just am venting.

I have never felt like I have a 'mother' relationship with my mother.... She rang the other day to tell me somebody I went to primary school got married the weekend after me and then to sort of brag/whinge about her job... Not once did she really ask how I was doing, whats new in my life hows my husband etc...

Yesterday I get a message wanting to do something saturday. I told her I had a hens day to go... fast forward to tonight I send her a message on MSN, come back to the computer 5 or so minutes later and her name has changed to I only have one kid that looks after me..... Well I probably have read too much into it... but it makes so much sense with the way she acts...

I don't expect any responses to this post as its just a vent to get it out and relieve my poor husband who was not surprised with my mother. I guess I just feel hurt, disappointed and abandoned, much like a lost animal really...

I guess I will just have to take solace that my mother in law has adopted me as her own and I have my husband...

It still doesn't take the hurt away.

Thanks for reading....

Have a nice weekend!!!

Jess

(((Hugs Jess)))

It's no fun having a mother like that

Thanks Anita,

I guess it was an eventuality. And going from what my mother is like she will either ignore what she has done or I will have to be the bigger person (again). I don't know if I want to...

Oh (((hugs))) hon, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I certainly know what it's like to have a mother like that! Like you I have a great FH and future in-laws - it's wonderful to have them around isn't it I know it still hurts some days, but I try to think of my partner and I (and our kitties!) as our own little family unit, and think that when I do eventually become a mother... I'll know how not to do it.

Feel free to vent away, and if you need to chat I am here

I mentioned some of my crap with my mother to a psychologist at one stage; he suggested that maybe she doesn't orget it as such but that she just plain doesn't realise how mean-spirited she's being in the first place.

Oh Jess, I just want to give you a hug! I am very fortunate to have a great relationship with my mother, which I am so thankful for. Mt FMIL is a nightmare, but I know thats nothing compared to your situation.

I know we can't solve anything, and you are already thankful for your wonderful hubby and MIL, so I just hope one day your mother realises what she has been like to you - not that that would change anything.

Anyway, just want you to know we are here if you ever need to talk! Lots of love

Thanks Girls,

I went to my sister in laws hens day yesterday, and couldnt afford to go out afterwards and my mother in law pulled me aside and said you are very special to me let me pay for you. She nearly had me in tears she is so loving and supportive and UNCONDITIONAL. The way a mother should be. I am glad that I have at least one good role model in my life.

Yes it does hurt, but my life is better without her negativity, and the need to constantly prove to her why she should love me and give me attention, because its never good enough, and the love she gives is conditional. Now I only need to please myself and my husband. And like Aprhodeity, we are our own little family unit, and in the long run its not me missing out. It will be her.

I just want to thank you girls If anybody ever needs to chat feel free to PM

Jess

Your MIL sounds like an absolute angel, after 5 years I am starting to realise how much my partners mother cares about me as well.

You are right...at the end of the day your mum is missing out and not you.

Jess and ultraviolet, can my mum join in. She has said to me that I need to let her have an overseas holiday before I got engaged and that she gets stressed out by me talking about weddings. its seems to be all about her!

Oh Nat Nat,

That is not fun at all. My mother tried to do that for our wedding and engagement party as well. Well actually she organised the engagement party to her liking and at the venue of her choice. Its hard, but you just need to ignore her and just do what you want. We ended up doing that for our wedding and we have no regrets!!!

Feel free to pm Nat if you need to chat

Hugs for all us girls with lousy Mums
I've posted about mine a few times and won't go into details here in someone elses thread but there are similar things to what you've posted.

Enjoy the gift of your MIL, she sounds wonderful.

Thanks Belinda

I just want to thank all of you girls for replying

I was brave and asked my mum if we were receiving a wedding present. She told me due to me voicing the fact I was disappointed in her and embarrassed by family antics on my wedding day she gave the gift away and we don't deserve it.

Just another fact to reinforce why I bother.... I mean I didn't even get a card on my birthday and now she is asking whether I want freaking easter eggs... Nice Priorities mum!!!

Can i please add my mum to the mix too.....................

Although i think some of us share the same mother. LOL.

Mine didnt even come to our Engagement party a few weeks ago, she had better things to do

Im so over all of it, i cant keep fighting over the same things.

I also have a fantastic MIL, she took me dress shopping on the weekend.

WOW... I am normal... I always thought my Family was backward! LOL!

A little different but yeah.... I haven't spoken to my Mother for 7 years now because of her non caring attitude... 7 years ago when i tried to speak to her about issues she turned to me and said... I've always loved your brother more than you anyway, i really only have one child. I looked at her for a moment, turned around and walked out. Have not spoken to her since, although she keeps talking to my brother about me and saying i should get over my issues. My Brother and Mum are very close, but he is married with a daughter (who is named after me!) that i adore so i would never stop talking to him just because of her! Then she WINS! She just can't get over the fact that i haven't gone running back to her, i'm happy, i'm getting married, everything is going well in my life! I cannot be bothered having such negativity around to get me down! I just got to the stage where i didn't want that kind of crap around me anymore, so i moved on.

My mother couldn't handle 2 of us when my Father walked out with her best friend, when i was 5, I was sent to live with my Grandparents. Best thing that ever happened though! So i was never really Mother/Daughter with her. I even sat in the same hospital room for 5 days with her 20 months ago while my Nan was dying and she never said a word to me! Some people seriously shouldn't have Children. My Mother seems to think the world revolves around her, it's all about her! She definately won't be receiving an invite to my wedding!

I always dreamed of having the Mother/daughter thing i saw my friends have, so i found it very emotional to do what i did. But my Nan was always there, we were very close. I have Children already (Yes we're doing the marriage thing backwards LOL) and it was my Nan who supported me, i never even received a card from my Mum when my children were born. We don't receive birthday cards or anything. And her husband OMG! He's wacko!

Anyway... my only advice is Sometimes it's best to walk away, although it can be very painful. Even if for a short time... maybe it will make her wake up to herself.

BrideinFeb2008,

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I can understand where you are coming from.

After many discussions with my husband we have decided its best to walk away too. I know it won't be easy, I don't talk to my brother either and haven't in over 9 months. I just take comfort in the fact I have my wonderful Mother in Law, and my fantastic husband.

I am sure I will need to vent in here again!!!!! The next time she tries to call and play 'pretend it hasnt happened'. At the end of the day I believe I am not losing out, as I am removing the negativity and everything else in the package of my mother/family.

Thank you once again girls for your responses they are much appreciated.

Jess

Sorry about your Mum - my MIL is like that with her children, and it has resulted in all of them pushing her out of their lives.

You don't have to be the bigger person if you don't want to *hugs* You have your own family now (you and DH), so you don't have to put up with bad treatment.

Thanks MrsO that is how we see it as well...

I thought I would update this thread to say that we are no longer in contact at all. Although I have my mother on myspace and my brother as well, I haven't actually spoken to either of them in a long time. The final straw with my mother came when she accused me of making up excuses not to see her when I told her that hubby's uncle had just passed away.

Life has been so less complicated now they are not involved!!! It is so much easier just focusing on hubby and myself. The funniest thing is I got an invitation to my brothers 21st... I haven's spoken to him since June 2006 and last saw him September 2006!!

I just want to thank you all for the support you have given me through my countless 'mother' posts

Hey Jess

I think you've made the right decision. That kind of negativity is not beneficial for anyone even if she is your Mother. Let me know if you ever need to talk.

*cuddles*

This is how we feel. Our lives has been hassle-free since we stopped contact as well. I'm glad you're in a good place

Aww honey good to see you so happy

I might be doing this myself once our wedding is over. No point in having a toxic person or people in your life!

xox

Great to see things have worked out for you. It must feel good to be back in control.

I wish I had the same strength when it comes to my Dad. I keep thinking I should just walk away and stop allowing him to hurt me, but I never do. Something good will happen and I'll be on the phone to him. I know I'm seeking his approval, I know it's unhealthy and I drive myself crazy with shame and frustration after I call him, but I still do it. I'm not weak, I'm not stupid, but I still pick up the phone in the hope he'll express some sort of emotion towards me.

Parents. They f*@k you up.

Wow I feel like I could have wrote that post myself. I am also no longer speaking with my mother for similar reasons, it is so hard sometimes but I feel that I am better off with out her

Hey Jess, just want to say I think you've done the right thing too. She doesn't deserve you.