Hi All,

Sorry in advance for long post.

My in-laws and I are diff ppl. I have the "if you've got nothing good to say then don't say it' mentality and also try to think about others feeling before I act or talk as I'm always worried about upsetting other ppl. But MIL and SIL tend to say what they think, cos they see honestly is the best policy and they see nothing wrong in speaking their minds.

The problem is that everytime I see them, I hear comments against me I'd rather not hear. I was told yesterday that I don't know how to cry and probably haven't cried since I was a baby (since I didn't cry at my wedding and I don't cry at the same movies they do), this left me with the impression they think I'm cold and unfeeling. I was also TOLD that I obviously don't like babies as well since I don't like holding other ppls babies (I don't do so cos I'm terrified of dropping them and am always mindful that the mother may not like it) ~ this resulted in raised voices as she insisted that it means I don't like babies. And I was trying to make her understand my point of view, that if anything should happen to someones precious bundle in my arms, there's no-way I can make it up to the parents.

I know these are trivial things but when you have some comment or other made against you or your family (ie. yes, they make comments about my family too) at almost every gathering, it gets very annoying and frustrating.

Am I just too sensitive?? I always think I should treat others how I want to be treated ~ but it doesn't work in this case!! DH is no help ~ he's so use to them that he sees nothing wrong with their outspoken-ness. In fact, I once asked him why his family is so nosey, and he said they're not nosey, they just want to know everything (huh??? hello??? and he was very sincere when he said this).

I know I'm stuck with them, so apart from seeing them less (which will upset DH), how do I make our 'meetings' more bearbale??

Thanks!!

(there are some other stories surrounding them but I'll leave that to the 'venting' post )

Id be inclined to take a page from their book and be honest with them about it.

Tell them that you don't appreciate hearing them bad mouthing or making comments about your family, and you cant handle their constant criticism. If they have something to say, saying it in a less accusing manner would be appreciated. You are not over emotional, or too sensitive, and you can handle the truth very well, you just dont appreciate their version of it, and their way of telling it.

I completely understand the predicament as well...

Sometimes it is best just to ignore the comments and change the subject.

Best of luck

The most important thing is to not lose sight of who you are. While their comments will be hurtful at times, make sure you don't let them get to you to the point where you doubt yourself.

Secondly, it is vital that you stand up for yourself when they make these comments. Which it sounds like you do in a mature fashion. Thats really all you can do with people who are like this. Just stand up for yourself and tell them that you don't appreciate [insert whatever hurtful thing they have said here]. Don't feel like you have to jusitfy everything to them.

There is always bound to be times where you don't get along or agree with your in laws. Its natural as you come from two different families.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, try not to let it get to you, but do stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

xx

Thank you!!

Sometimes it's easy to doubt yourself when they constantly make remarks about you. You start to think the problem is not them, it's me. So it's nice to hear you girls don't think I'm totally nuts!

I think this is great advice. If they want real Samsara GIVE 'EM REAL!

And, as was also said don't take it personally as they prob do it to anyone and everyone they feel comfortable with. It's more than likely not about you as such they may just feel very comfortable with you. Possibly even too familiar with you!

The other thing to remember is they're prob not going to change in a big way, nor overnight either.

Good luck x

I can sorta see a problem both ways. If you don't say anything you'll keep copping it and getting upset at what they say. On the other hand if you do say something they might get offended if they feel you're close enough to be able to be honest to iykwim? They might not say such things to random people, but you're family. I know it's really hard when you're just a different personality, used to a different way of social interaction, different expectations.

Good luck!