Hi,

My daughter Lily is now three weeks old and I'm afraid that we've spoilt her a bit during her first weeks. Lily was full-term but was just 2.5kg when she was born, and I think as she was so small was extra clingy. She wants to spend all her time being held by me (she now also likes being held by Dad too). She hates being put in her basinett and the longest she has lasted in there is about 45 mins.
My DH spent the first three weeks at home with us, so we spent a lot of time just holding her as she slept and at night slept with her in our bed.
Of course now he's gone back to work there's no way I can hold her all day, so have decided to be tough mum and get her sleeping in her basinett.
My question is how do I go about doing it. I started this morning after one last sleep with us last night.
I gave her a bath this morning and a feed and then rocked her in her basinett. I've resettled her three times and anf the longest she lasted was about 20 mins. She started screaming so have now put her on the boob.

Do I just keep doing this over and over?
She's a good sleeper at night but during the day she often won't settle between feeds.

Also has Infacol worked for anyone?

TIA
Caren

I have posted this before, and it is pinned ^ up there in the settling resources but this link should be able to answer your exact question!

Sheyne Rowleys tips for unsettled new babies

Goodluck!

Firstly don't worry about the spoiling her bit, you did what you needed to do to get through, and you got to enjoy baby cuddles at the same time!!!

One settling technique we were taught, particularly for ones that like to be held is to leave them in bed and wrapped but put your hand on their chest when they are unsettled, mimics the holding a bit. Then when she has calmed down slowly take your hand off her chest, if she gets upset put it back on and keep doing that until she settles. We were told to keep trying for a complete sleep cycle which is about 40 minutes.

Do you have a bedtime routine? Something you do before she goes to bed every time? We change nappy put him in the cot wrap him, pick him up cuddle him say 'goodnight sweetheart' (no matter what time of day!!!), 'I love you', then settle him in place, tuck him in then hand on chest and kiss to the forehead a 'goodnight sweetheart' again and out of the room. Honestly if he is crying then sometimes just that kiss and goodnight would stop him in his tracks!

Another thing to consider if she sleeps well at night is, is she tired enough for bed?? It took as weeks to work out that Hayden's tired sign was to cry a little. Initially we were going on the traditional yawning, jerky leg movements etc, but he wasn't quite ready for bed then, we had to wait till the cry.

Also he would sometimes have to cry for 10 minutes before nodding off, it was his way of saying good night

Ok think that was enough ramble from me for one day!

i really suggest maintaining the same routine every single time - sleep cues are so very very important in this house.

we would (at that age): wrap tight, kiss goodnight, tell them it was time to sleep, put them down, turn on their music, walk out (leaving the door open - sorry to anyone else but it is a massive pet peeve of mine when the door is closed) - if she cries, go in, reassure her she's ok, pat her if need be (i lay them on their side facing away from me, hand on their shoulder holding them down and pat them) - repeat.

i do this everytime they get upset - even now - they get the reassurance you are still there but are still 'learning' iykwim - i'm not a huge fan of leaving them cry (although after a few hours sometimes you just have to)

with the bassinette - i would put: something of yours you have worn in there for the smell, wheatbag in there before she gets in to simulate the warmth of you, rolled up wraps/nappies/safe t sleep either side of her so it simulates being held by you.

we have had day sleep issues as well - i find it's ok though and not to stress too much cause if she's sleeping well at night you can catch up then iykwim - still try to put her down cause even a 'rest' is enough.

will she take a dummy? overfeeding can lead to overstimulation which will lead to problems sleeping as her tummy is super full - i know not everyone likes a dummy but hey sometimes they work (esp if she's comfort sucking on the breast).

infacol did work for us - maybe sit the bassinette up a bit as well to simulate being held at a higher upright angle.

good luck - if it's something you want and feel comfortable with be prepared to be tough and stick it out - it's not easy.

xxxxx

eta - our night settling due to daylight savings/teething/growing started as upto 2hrs to go to sleep - now we're down to the 15mins again - taken 2 weeks to get to this point though

Sam why is closing the door a pet peeve? Is it not important to minimise noise when they're settling?

Riley was a big baby and he was exactly the same, so I don't think it's a size issue. Have you considered she might be a bit reflux-ey? Riley chucked up a lot and keeping him upright kept him happy. I think you really need to start how you mean to finish, so to speak. I felt the same way as you and I decided that at that age it was easier to wear him for all his sleeps, I made a hug-a-bub type wrap out of a strip of fabric, easy to put on and easy on my back. He slept good stretches, I got a bit of peace (albeit with a baby on my belly) and I could get things done like that. It's also very snuggly and smoochey .

That said, it's not for everyone and I understand that because when he got to 4 months I really couldn't do it anymore so I got help from Sheyne Rowley for a gentle way to settle him and I still follow her advice, it's very good. I also went to a day stay (which state are you in?) and that helped as the nurse settled him and at that age he was able to realise who was who and I think it clicked that she wasn't mummy so he didn't have the same expectations.

I can't stress enough that being predictable is the key. Cutting out stimulation and letting them know exactly what's expected by never changing the rules. We keep Riley's room really dark, swaddle and use white noise. We always have a cuddle and sing before to settle him for sleeping and in the time leading up to sleeping I have always said "let's read a book before sleeping, mummy's going to change your bum then put you down for sleeping". And I always respond based on his cries, although, 99% of the time he is happy to go down to bed, awake. So I wrap then cuddle singing "twinkle twinkle" slowly and calmly (be how you want THEM to be) then I keep singing as I put him down and rub his tummy in a figure 8 (but don't get in her face) then when I've finished singing I say "time for sleeping, Mummy loves you, sleep tight" 2 or 3 times then leave. Then I listen, if he's crying I give him a few mins to see if he starts to settle (maybe not silent but settling) and take it from there. But like I said, he doesn't cry hardly at all. Although the first month or so were difficult it paid off.

I can recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution for some really good tips as well as Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer books.

I honestly believe the first 3 months or so is really about doing whatever gets you through, but it's never too early to start setting the foundation for good routines and communication.

All the best!

Some babies just need to 'learn' how to sleep. I know mine definately did.

Summer was exactly the same, she would not sleep unless cuddled (which is great for the first few hours, but after a couple of weeks becomes difficult). As soon as i would start to wrap her (her cue for sleep time) she would scream the house down.

She was a very content baby, just stare around the room, but i was more worried about the development side of things. She was sleeping at night, but i think it was because she was soooo exhausted by not sleeping all day. Our clencher was when she was up from 6am - midnight . It was also starting to affect her night time sleeps and i couldn't keep bringing her into bed with me cause i am a really, really sound sleeper and had a pretty close call with the doona.

I went to a day stay at 'Whispers' (in Sydneys south) and it was the best thing i did. Basically, she wasn't getting past her first sleep cycle alone and needed to learn how to do it. There were alot of tears (from Summer & myself) but she has been a different baby ever since. What we had to do was:

Wrap her, put her down, let her know it is 'sleep' time and leave the room. If she started to cry, i had to wait 3mins (which felt like 3 days) and go in a reassure (hand on chest or stroke her forehead), no eye contact and i could then offer the dummy. This would continue until she dropped off. The first day was hell. She cried on & off for an 1hr 45mins. Next sleep time i noticed the cries wouldn't last the full 3mins. Now, i am lucky if she kicks up a stink at all. I lay her down to wrap her and she starts to drop off.

She still sleeps all night (got 10hrs out of her the other night and she is 8 weeks old ), but i can now put her down in the day and we don't fight it anymore.

Dummys aren't for everyone (I know i didn't want to use one) but they are gold. Being so little, sucking is a natural reflex for them and they enjoy it (and it saves your (.)(.) also). If you are worried about 'dependancy' apparently they don't get it until at least 6mths.

Good luck with it all. It is hard, but does get easier. Have a look at the info Emily offered, also Karitane & Tresillian. I read all that info, but i think i am a bit more visual cause i got more out of the day stay than reading. I was doing it, but I needed some help to put it all into practise.

i have noise around the girls when they are going to sleep - i personally don't like doors closed on children cause ppl i know use the closed door to 'shut the child off' rather than minimise noise - i have closed their door half way in the past but never fully closed - to me there's a diff between stimulation and noise though - they can hear noise but can't see it from where their room is but i can still hear them.

i'm not a huge fan of complete silence in the house - with the stuff i do with the multiple birth assoc i go to meetings and the girls have to come to so they are around noise and have to be able to go to sleep without it being completely silent - i'm grateful they can as i know some babies can't.

I think though for some babies any noise is stimulation, especially those who find settling a very difficult thing. I guess I like to treat Riley like I would a house guest that needs a rest. I'm not silent, but I try to avoid loud noises and be considerate, I think it's myth that all babies should be expected to sleep through all noise; but it is good when they can, especially for mums who are out and about a lot. I personally try to be home for his main sleep 99% of the time, but that's me. The white noise is a settling aid especially where overstimulation is a problem and was invaluable for us. I'm definitely not shutting my child out when I close his door, I'm communicating to him that it's his private rest time, and he likes the room nice and dark. It's horses for courses, really

exactly what we do as well - of course i don't bang and clang around the house.

alot of stuff to do with babies sleeping is myths - esp the whole 'sleeping through' part - undue and unnecessary stress placed on parents by society, irks me no end.

we're home for the main sleep in the middle of the day as well - much easier that way (then no drama at night). we're lucky that their room is dark enough without the door closed due to positioning in the house - if i was in a diff house it might be diff iykwim

let us know how she goes hun.

You know Jen when I had Anaya I would have said "Eeeeeh you should be able to do anything while the baby is asleep". Anaya was very content and slept thru bangs, clangs, vaccume and her bedroom was right next to the laundry (bed on opp side to the washing machine). Even so with Anaya we always close the door over completely for night sleeps and occasionally day sleeps and had never really thought not to . After Peyton I have definately changed my mind . She had very bad reflux and is very easily stimulated . We completely close the door for all sleeps and she has background music too, not only for a sleep cue but to block out the extra noise of a toddler .

Sam totally agree with the Myths bit too, I could list off hundreds!!!!

Anyway back on topic!!!

Caren have you been given the PDF sleepsense that was getting passed around here a few months back. I found it wonderful and I think it suits many styles of parenting eg. If you cant let you baby cry it out so to speak it give you specific ways to help calm your baby while setting up sleep cues. If you want me to email it to you just PM me k?

Katie

Jade I went to Whispers too, Leanne was our saviour and only at 8 days of age too!!!! You described exactly what happens for us now too, most sleeps we don't even get a noise out of him when we put him down.

I have to say I was also like Jade I had so much reading material but I just didn't get it till I went to Whispers and I was shown what to do.

As for the door closed thing, we have never closed the door of Haydens room. We have a sliding fly screen door to keep the cat out, but no solid door. We are also lucky that he doesn't find the general noise stimulating, maybe a different thing next baby?

So much good advice here Caren.
Can I just emphasize that at three weeks old Lily hasn't learned how to settle herself yet, you can't possibly have "spoiled her". Don't beat yourself up. These first weeks are ridiculously hard for almost every parent.

The thing that has worked for me is organising a routine that works for me and the family as a whole, then sticking with it. You decide where you want Lily to sleep, when, how to wrap, whether to play music - then stick with it. Don't second guess yourself, don't change anything, just keep going. It will take weeks, possibly months, for Lily to settle herself properly.
She has a lot to learn!

does she like to be wrapped? my little girl Tiffany is now 3 months old and we still wrap her sometimes when she is tired and wont sleep, and as soon as that first half is wrapped you get a gummy smile and the half open eyes and by the time you have finished wrapping her she is basically asleep but we have always wrapped her so she likes it. i know some bubs dont like being wrapped

I know you cant hold them all the time I felt like that too, especially when you are in the middle of a breastfeed or they're asleep and you need to put them down cause you got to go to the loo and they scream!!!!

Get a hug a bub, my friend lent me hers and i only used it for the first time last week, I wish i had of used it earlier, Tiffany loved it, and you have your hands free to still do things around the house etc. i used it when i went shopping as the pram was in my husbands car,

I know everyone says it but they really do grow so fast, I wish my little girl was 3 weeks old again!!! You wont spoil her, and if you think you have spoilt her well just keep spoiling her by giving her cuddles, enjoy every second of holding her,

I am breastfeeding too, and when she has had enough and falls asleep i just hold her for awhile and then when i go to put her down she opens one eye, grins and looks at me to say i know what your doing are you still there, so i smile back at her and rub her head softly and say nite nite, but sometimes i put her staight to her bassinet and rub her back or tummy depending on which way she lays down, she has been a tummy sleeper from birth

a friend of mine sleept her son on his back from birth, he is now 2 months old, and has starting not sleeping so she has put him on his tummy and he sleeps now

So just keep trying different things, and do what works for you, good luck

OMG how good is she. I seriously wanted to marry the women

Caren, how is it all going? Did some/any of our tips help

Hi

Thanks for all your replies! Well it's been a tough week - the day I posted Lily decided to scream for 12 hours straight, I thought I was going mad and I felt terrible for her being so upset.
So I've seen my GP and ECHN and they think she had reflux and is also anxious from being so small at birth, me having high BP during preg and having a very fast labour, so wants a little extra reassurance from mum. So she's started medication today for reflux and we're also going to do a day stay at Tresillian.

I was feeling terrible, like everything was out of control but I'm feeling better that we have a plan to get my little one happy. I also feel reassured that her crying doesn't mean I'm terrible mum (which was how I was feeling).

I'm really looking forward to going to Tresillian, I hope they can help can us on track. Hopefully the meds will help Lily feel better too.


Thanks again,
Caren