I just got a cracker of an email from my husband about some friends of ours. A bit of background is that "our" group is all of DH's friends from high school, about 10 or so and they are all in long term relationships. Most are married now, a bunch of us about 5 years ago before people had kids and other financial commitments, and then in dribs and drabs since. The general gist is this...

One couple, who got married in March, are notoriously tight, despite both being in well paid, full time jobs. There are so many stories about them from over the years, for example, the male gave his groomsman leftover spirits from the bucks night as their presents, they won't turn the heater on for guests in winter, they ask for rides across the state to group events and then won't chip in for petrol, on the proviso that the driver had to go anyway - that kind of thing. It's a running joke.

They have recently done thankyou's for their wedding and realised that some people didn't give a gift or contribution. So instead of letting it go, they have followed it up via text message asking one couple if they were planning on contributing anything. The couple in question replied saying that each had thought the other had done it, so the newly weds have sent their bank details and asked for a contribution, which the other couple have said no to. Now it's sparked of a round of the groom telling everyone else that he is "disgusted" by it and it's fractured the group.

Weddings. So much for bringing out the best in people, hey?

Oh my goodness that is just terrible. I can't believe anyone would "follow-up" on the lack of present. Of course you'd expect them to complain to each other about not getting anything, and to be a bit miffed about it in private but to seriously ask people is just so terribly rude .

The groomsmen gifts are pretty bad, but the petrol thing is just .

Oh my!!

I can't believe some people! I know we can be tight arses sometimes (due to lack or funds though!) but even I wouldn't do any of that!

I can't actually believe they would have the nerve to actually ASK people for money when they have chosen not to contribute. Probably not worth having as friends anyway by the sounds of it.

This is awful It annoys me no end when people aren't prepared to pay their own way or if they are they will not pay a single cent above that eg when going out to dinner having to each pay for exactly what you ate/drank father than just splitting it down the middle. To then go and ask for a wedding gift is shocking can't believe anyone had the gall frankly! I am with your friends here, had I intended to give a gift and then realized it had not been done I would have certainly rectified that but if they asked me for it I would have refused on principle. A gift should never be something that is expected or demanded and weddings do not just cause expense for the bride&groom so some people just can't afford it after buying their outfits and paying for transport etc. If they were true friends then their presence should be all that is desired, if you get anything on top of that it is a bonus.

OMFG, the nerve of this couple. I would have said NO to putting money in their account too. How freaking rude!!!

We had people attend our wedding and not give a card or gift. Now we certainly did think it was rude because it is not something we would ever do, but we just left it at that.

I really can't stand super tight people. That is so shocking ringing around asking for money!!! Unbelieveable! I hope the whole group shuns them now after this and they realise how tight and awful they are being and don't deserve good friends.

DH just pointed out to me that the same couple did that at our wedding too, didn't give a gift. I excused it at the time as they'd just had their third baby, but maybe it's a thing? Anyway, we didn't let it bother us. I'd rather have someone at my wedding than not. Fancy falling out over $50 - $100.

But that gives me an idea for another thread about stingy people, as I could write pages about this couple!

Agree with Cole, we had people attend our wedding who decided not to provide gifts. I thought it was interesting given we purposely provided a wishing well so that people could just put a scratchie in there or $10 if need be...just as a token of good fortune for us as a couple. When we sent out thank you notes I thanked people for attending and IF they gifted us I thanked them for the gift. I would NEVER ask people for a gift for a wedding or anything else. How f***ing rude. Actually their response of requesting a contribution makes me think if I were their friend I would question them as people and thus the friendship.

How rude!!!!

We didn;t receive gifts or cards off some people at our wedding and didn't care less. I was raised to be thankful if you received a gift, never to expect one but always give one.

I agree with this. It is exactly what we were taught growing up.

We had a destination wedding and so didn't expect gifts at all. We didn't get anything from a couple of people, and didn't care less. We were genuinely surprised at how many people DID give us something!

DH and I went to a wedding for a couple that I knew but were more friends of his, when we had only been dating for 3 months. Big mix up and I though he had done the wishing well donation and he thought I had, and it wasn't until a year later that we realised neither of us had! We felt terrible but our friends never mentioned it, probably because they are not rude!

I don't know anyone that would think it is appropriate to ring around asking guests for money after their wedding!!!

Someone should really remind him of the fact he didn't give you a gift either!

Agreed.


Please do!

We had one couple not give a gift. But they traveled interstate to attend and came a week early to enjoy the hens event, too. Their presence was MORE than enough - and I was stunned, thrilled and delighted they were able to be there - particularly also for the hens a week earlier! It would not have occurred to me to query the lack of a separate pressie!

OMG are you serious!

And I always thought a gift was just that..... a voluntary gesture.

Not a required form of payment for attending a wedding!

Seriously, I would be furious if I was the couple that received the bank details.

IMO it is more rude to ask for a gift than to not give one.

I would find the ugliest, most useless thing I could find and give it to them. Novelty sporks? No! One of those soft toilet seats with colorful plastic fish inside.

Can you PLEASE attempt to convince your friends to do this to the stingy couple and let us know how they get on. Tell them the interwebz needs them.

This is what I'd be doing as well or I'd give them $10 with a note saying "we apologize for being unaware your wedding was a ticketed event. If you can provide an invoice so we can lodge a charitable donation claim at tax time it would be much appreciated"

But if they go the toilet seat, bunnings has a particularly vulgar frog one

Still shaking my head at the audacity of it...

O.M.G the audacity!
I would never donate money if asked after the fact. And if a true oversight, I would have been dreadfully apologetic and immediately found a present for them (love LJM's idea although I would be too gutless to do!).

It seems that there is some repeat behaviour of your other friends though which I'd (personally) be calling into question

Oh dear! That is appalling. Who would follow up on a wedding present and then demand payment?

Mind you it sounds as though the non-donating couple might be slightly tight themselves if they often go to weddings and don't take a gift

How rude!

We had a couple of people not give a gift or card at our wedding (I was more miffed about the card!). One was my husband's cousin, who also did the same at his sister's wedding.

I would donate money to charity in their name and send them a card with the details.

Sorry Claire but your tight arse friend sounds like a real piece of work! I couldn't stand being friends with someone like that.

So what does your DH think about all this?

They could buy them some Oxfam chickens and pigs too, provide the little card to the couple

Then again, if you're SAYING that you both meant to give a gift, and yet you have a history of NOT giving gifts... I call that you have two sets of tight friends!


ETA, SEA beat me to it

Yeah, I could really take or leave this couple. In fact, I said to DH long before this happened that I really don't have an interest in getting to know them better. I saw her in facebook feed today that she is booking a trip to Bali - I wonder if this has prompted the sudden grab for cash .

DH is thoroughly amused by the whole thing. I don't think he is all that surprised though as there have been a lot of confrontational text messages sent within the girls of the group recently - we're just staying out of it where we can.

I think I need to hear more stories of this lovely newlywed couple..I need a good laugh

I too would be providing a delightful gift, maybe a lovely figurine from a $2 shop? Something to cherish forever?

I think I misunderstood... I thought you meant the tight couple didn't give you a gift which made it all the more ridiculous, but I think you meant the non gift giving couple didn't give a gift?

I agree with Mel B... it seems a bit funny to go to weddings of close friends, not give anything and then just stay silent on the subject. If it were me and I couldn't afford a gift, I would either a) not go or b ) if it was a close friend and I really wanted to be there, I would let them know that I'd be giving them something later on once my finances were back in shape or c) I'd try to do something helpful for the wedding in lieu of a gift. I know it's funny to say that and in the same breath say that gifts are not expected, but I think there is some sort of social convention where you do give something (if only a card) for big life events. Of course, in saying that, I am in no way condoning the staggering rudeness of the other couple in following up.