Hi Girls,

I dont know whether to laugh, cry, being fuming or just not go.

My partner's cousin is getting married at the end of March. Anyway I was talking with his mum about a dress that I got to wear to the wedding which I was really excited about. I have her an explaination about what it looked like. I was then talking to partner's sister who is in the bridal party and she said it sounded similar to what they are wearing. Anyway I took a picture and sent it too her and she said it was a little a like but that it really shouldn't be an issue.

Anyway I get an inbox from the sister saying that she'd spoken with the bride (her cousin) who seen a picture of the dress on my facebook and she has asked the sister to tell me not to wear it because it is similar to the bridesmaid dress.

Now really my dress is just a cocktail style dress. It certainly isn't a bridesmaid dress and the similarity is that its a one should dress and has a black band around the waist. Mines a dusty pink colour and the bridesmaid dresses are a pinky orange salmon colour. The sister is having a dress fitting this week and she is going to send me a picture.

If you were a bride would you tell one of your guests not to wear something because it was too similar to the bridal party??

If I was the bride and it bothered me, yes I would.

Having been in your situation and having other dress options I chose to wear something different. Not my favourite dress but the day wasn't about me...

If it was too close to pick another dress, you had no other dress to wear or the one you'd bought was really expensive and you didn't see another chance to wear it then I'd probably go ahead and wear it. But be aware that it might cause some issues.

I didn't have bridesmaids so I can't answer from a bride's perspective. From a guest's perspective though, if a bride asked me not to wear something because it was similar to the bridesmaid's dresses then I absolutely wouldn''t wear it. I'd be pretty embarrassed to be 'that' guest who ignored the bride's wishes and knowingly wore a dress similar to the bridesmaid's (regardless of how similar it really is).

All this inboxing, Facebooking and communicating through third parties seems to be creating a big, unnecessary drama. If a dress is enough to stop you from attending a wedding, then I guess it isn't very important to you to share the occassion with the couple in question?

I have a terrible fear of turning up to a wedding in a dress too similar to the bridesmaids, so if I was prewarned like you have been, I would most definitely be choosing another dress to wear

I am not sure that I would ask a guest to not wear a dress however if I was asked I certainly would choose another option. It is not my day and I wouldn't want to upset the bride.

I'd probably roll my eyes (at least internally) and mentally think 'what a bridezilla'. And then not wear the dress.

I would not dare mention it to DH - lest he remind me of my many and varied bridezilla moments during our own wedding planning

I would definitely try to find something else to wear. The bride will be looking for it now especially as she has asked and I would feel very self conscious if it was me. As a bride, I don't think I would have made the request though.

Honestly I am annoyed at the pettiness of it all. If anything I am friends with the bride she should have just come to me to start with and not gone through third parties.

I'm also annoyed as money is tight at the moment as we do have quite a few bills and while to some $80 isn't much at the moment it is to me and I had no prior knowledge of what the bridesmaids dresses were like. There are no other occassions that I could possible wear the dress to and like I said its a cocktail dress and not one that could be dressed down. I can't return it as it was marked 50% and there were no other alternatives there.

I wouldn't ask a guest not to wear a dress because it looked like my bridesmaid's dress.

However if I was asked, I wouldn't wear it. I too would be peeved it I had bought the dress especially for the wedding. Do you have anything else in your wardrobe you wear? I wear outfits repeatedly and no one notices (or says anything)

Ditto

I also think it is really petty. If the bride is going to let something like that bother her on her wedding day then she has issues. It's a dress, she'll be so swept up in everything that happens she might not even notice, and if she makes a big deal out of then she's just being a drama queen. I know I would certainly not let something like a similar dress get in the way of me having a fabulous wedding day

I went to a wedding last week where the bride asked that the female guests not wear black as her bridesmaids were wearing black. She mainly put it out there because her MIL-to-be wanted to wear black and the bride definitely didn't want her MIL (who would be in some of the pro pics) to look like a desperate bridemaid wannabe.

Anyways, it was no biggie. The bride put it out there about eight months before the wedding that, IF you could avoid it, please don't wear black. Nothing rude or bitchy, just a bride's request...and surely a bride is entitled to a few outlandish requests?!




I hear you on $80 being a significant amount, that would be a lot of money for me to spend on a wedding outfit. Before you wear it and piss the bride off, you could try op shopping? Sounds daft but I picked up a cute cocktail dress at my local op shop for $7...I had it dry cleaned and I'm wearing it to a wedding in two weeks time

If you wear it, you may be a target for a bit of bitching. If you can handle that I guess you could go for it. If not, I am sure there will be another occasion to wear a gorgeous dress in your future

If that's the case then I'd speak directly to the bride rather than go through others and say that you bought the dress and have since got the message that it's a bit similar and that at this stage you're unable to get another dress. (Don't have to add in why, could be budget, time, looked everyhwere already, doesn't matter.)

I'd add that you're sorry they've turned out to be similar but hope she understands and ask what style accessories/shoes/bolero or wrap etc. the BM are having so you can try and aviod any more matching!


Really, if going back and forth is a bit of an issue then I'd make sure you emailed or spoke to her directly. She'd have to be an absolute nutter if her message to her sister was to tell you not to wear the dress full stop rather than tell you she'd like you not to wear it but understanding if it wasn't possible. Even if she didn't say those words I'm sure speaking to her personally if you're both friends would clear it up.

Being on a slim budget as well atm, $80 is alot..

Maybe try looking for a light fabric bolero or something to wear over the top half (there are free patterns online if your a sewing person).. so that way they arent so similar, and just speak to the bride and say that due to circumstances your only option is to wear the dress that you bought due to whatever reason you give..

If a bride asked me not to wear a particular dress, I would begrudgingly oblige. Like Gretch said, you don't want to be that guest who wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids, especially if the bride explicitly told you not to.

But having said that, I think it's OTT of the bride to ask you not to wear it. You're hardly going to get confused as a bridesmaid and it's going to be obvious you're not in the wedding party because you wont be up the front, nor carrying around a posy of flowers.

What next, the bride€'s going to ask everyone what they're wearing so that she can veto it? I'm sure that you're not the first guest to have ever worn a dress in a similar colour/style to the wedding party.

I agree with PP, mention that you have a shawl/wrap to thrown on or some other accessories so as to look different. Or alternatively, ask her to pay for a new outfit. Only joking...

I actually don't think it is an unreasonable request but I do think she should have spoken to you directly rather than asking someone else toask you not to wear it.

I would do exactly the same.

Me too. Like some of the other girls said you don't want to be that guest at a wedding. Especially since it's your partner's family. Why intentionally cause a problem?

I agree that all the messaging, facebooking, sister messenger thing is a little bit silly. I would speak to her directly. At the moment you don't really know exactly what was said by the bride to her sister etc etc. If she is a friend then just give her a call or pop in for a coffee and have a chat about it. Like some of the other girls said try to maybe find a bolero (a lot of the better op shops have some beautiful ones) or a shawl or accessories etc.

I would hate for you to miss your friends wedding or have a rift with your partner's family over a dress, especially when all the things that have been said or are happening seem to be heresay at the moment.

I would do the same!

I think it is an unreasonable request. Really, what does it matter if a guest is wearing a similar dress to the bridesmaids? How is that going to negatively affect your day? Is she now going to ask every female guest what they are wearing so she can make sure no one else is similar? You didn't know what the bridesmaids were wearing when you got your dress, and if she is that worried about guests wearing a similar dress maybe it would have been wise of her to have asked guests not to wear that colour or style in advance?

I know it's not quite the same, but one of DH's friends turned up at our wedding in a suit almost exactly the same as the best man, down to matching colours etc. Half the guests thought he was a groomsman until they read the OOS and saw that he wasn't up the front during the ceremony. We just laughed and didn't think about it again! It didn't detract from anything on our day, it was a non issue!

I agree with what others have suggested and think it would be a good idea to tell her directly that if you had known earlier what their dresses looked like you wouldn't have gotten a similar one, but you had already purchased it, and explain that you can't return it and don't have spare cash atm to buy a second dress, so could she consider changing her mind? Going to her directly would be best I think.

If she won't reconsider I think if it were me I'd wear something else (grudgingly!) as you don't want people (SIL and MIL) to think you are trying to upset the bride.

At my brother and SIL's wedding one of the guests turned up in a dress in the exact colour that the bridesmaids were wearing. To make it worse all the bridesmaids were wearing different style dresses, so this guest really could have been mistaken for a bridesmaid. At the end of the day it didn't ruin the brides day, and if anything it was more embarrassing for the guest than anyone else as everyone kept ribbing her about being one of the bridemaids!

We did all think it was a bit strange that this guest turned up in this dress though as her bestfriend was one of the bridesmaids and therefore knew what colour it was. So we were all about about the guest, but she is knows for being slightly ditzy.

As a bride I probably wouldn't dictate what you could wear, but as a guest if I found out my dress was similar to the bridesmaids I probably wouldn't wear it.

^^ Agreed

I didn't have bridesmaids at my wedding but one of my friends did ask me whether it was OK to wear pants. She had been to a wedding where someone had gone all Bridezilla because some of the girls wore pants and she wanted to make sure I was OK with it.

Ring the bride, explain the situation and tell her if she really wants you to wear something else you will but you don't think anyone will think they are similar because of x, y, z. If she still is worried about it then wear something else - do you know someone who will loan you something?

I wouldn't have worried if I was the bride, one of my guests looked identical to bridesmaids and did a reading at our wedding so got ribbed about it but it didn't worry me, but if I had previously asked her not to and she wore it I would be really annoyed. Her day, her way...

Agreed. If you hadn't told your partner's mum about the dress, the bride would never have known and you would have just worn it and found out on the day, so is she going to now ask every female guest not to wear pink?

I would also look for a way of accessorising it to be a bit different.

On a different note, I know a few people have said that the bride won't notice on the day if you do wear it, but she might. My BIL's wife wore a WHITE dress to my wedding, and trust me, I noticed.

As a bride there is no way I would ask that but I hate the idea of accidentally looking similar to a bridesmaid anyway even without knowing what they are wearing. I would probably be inclined to think the request was a little OTT but I would certainly honour it.

As a bride I wouldn't tell a guest not to wear a dress that I thought was to similar but I would probably say something like "Oh that's a pretty dress it is quite similar to the bridesmaids dresses we have picked" and leave it at that. That leaves it open for the guest to either risk turning up and looking like she is a wannabe bridesmaid or the guest deciding to choose another dress.

I did have a guest (ex-girlfriend of the bestman) ring up a few days before the wedding asking what the wedding colours were as she wanted to match the bestman, I just left it at the groomsman were wearing black (the colours were dark red and white and the groomsman were wearing black suits with red ties). I thought that was a bit bizzare wanting to intentionally show up looking like they were in the bridal party when they were not.

After cooling down I have decided that I will just find another dress. Yes my eyes are still rolling. Because the bridesmaid (my partners sister) has said that its not "that" similar but either way I will just change it to keep the peace. But in all honesty it really wouldn't bother if it was partly similar as I know I'm not trying to be apart of the wedding party and I'm not one to care alot about what others might think or say.

Both my MIL and SIL have both encouraged me to wear it as they know the bride is just being silly. Its just a cost I'm going to have to wear. I will hold onto it for a bit and see if anything else comes up otherwise I will see if I can sell it on a local facebook page.

Thanks for you thoughts all.

One of our guests flew in as a surprise for hubby from Japan. He was wearing the EXACT same navy pinstripe suit with a cream shirt, just like hubby. They have the same physique, same suit size and they looked like twins They still laugh about it.

I have a gorgeous dress for a wedding this Sunday which fits me while I am pregnant but I am not wearing it because it is the same colour as the bridesmaids.

Got an alternative for you... could you take it to a seamstress and see if they can dye it for you?

I totally agree. I do think this bride is completely out of line to dictate what guests wear, and she has obviously lost sight of the fact that the people she invites to her wedding are her "guests", the recipients of her hospitality, not employees to be ordered around . However, I wouldn't want to cause a fuss so regardless would not wear the dress once I'd been told.

I think it's a bit cheeky of the bride to ask you not to wear it, but at the same time, I'd be grateful for the heads up so you can avoid looking like a bridesmaid. They do sounds pretty similar. Most of the time, I ask the bride what colour the bridesmaids are wearing to know which colours to avoid! I think you could still wear it, but wear a bolero or something to cover the one shoulder thing, and possibly wear a belt or a different coloured sash. I think it's the one shoulder and black sash that makes them sound quite similar.

I just went to a friends wedding a couple of weeks ago and she told one of our other friends not to wear coral like colours, without an explanation why. The reason was that the bridesmaids were wearing coral one shouldered gowns.

I can understand where you are coming from as a guest and not likeing being told what to waer. But having said that, as a semi-controlling bride to be, i can understand where the bride is coming from too. Having said that, it doesn't make it fair!

I don't know what you should do though, possibly just see if you think the dress is similar enough and then maybe talk to the bride about it?

Personally, I'd call her and talk it over. Maybe even take the dress over to show her. It will either confirm her thoughts that it is too similar, or will appease her and she'll let you wear it. Try not to be pushy about it though and be prepared that she still might not want you to wear it.

It's a shame you got such a great deal for a pretty dress and may be unable to wear it for this wedding. I hope you both can find an alternative or come to an arrangement that suits everyone!