well we moved in about 3 months into our new house and have not lived together before so i know i being silly in thinking this is never going to happen.. but its not as he now thinks about cutting into the mortgage as much as possible which is smart i know but if it goes his way i will be 40 not married to him and my eggs will have been dried up and gone on retirement. then i will be like oh well there goes my chance. I know im only 28 but when this year in April ill be 29 and reaching my 30s its not comforting lol

has anyone felt like this that time is truly running out???

Hi Livvy.

i think most of us have felt impatient at some point or another. Unfortunately men don't 'get it' a lot of the time. I see by your signature that you've only been together for 1 year. My dh proposed to me after 18 months (about 10 of those were me whinging). Please try hard not to push your partner as it can push them further away.

If you have only been living together for 3 months then you will still be learning each other's good and bad habits and learning to work together. Does your partner say he definitely wants to marry you at some stage? If so, then I wouldn't be too pushy. If he doesn't want to get married then you might want to think about if you are prepared to accept that or not.

For my DH - It was really important for him to be a good provider so he wanted to make sure he had some savings first. So what's another few months/year of waiting if you plan on being together for ever??

I might be out of line here, but given you've only been with this guy a short amount of time, it's been less than two years since you got married and in turn separated - maybe you should relax a bit and not rush things?

I tend to agree with everything said here Liv! It will happen when the time is right.

Why rush things? Have you spoken to him?

DH and I waited quite some time before marrying - as we wanted to be financially secure first.

And about your eggs - plenty of women successfully have babies well into their mid-late 30s.

B and i were together 2 years before he proposed, I think you need to relax a little. 2012 is a leap year so you could always propose to him!

I tend to agree with the ladies above. My husband and I were together 2.5 years before we got engaged. I have friends who have been together 20 years and still aren't married, yet have kids together. It isn't the be all and end all. At the end of the day, a wedding is only one day, and doesn't really change much about the relationship.

I would support your partner in wanting to pay off the mortgage, as it is the wise and financially responsible thing to do and could set you both up very nicely for the future.

I tend to agree with what the other ladies have said, but I do understand your feelings in the way of kids. I was only recently thinking if we don't start now we might miss our chance etc, but these days lots and lots of ladies wait until they are in their thirties to start families and I know my doctor has told me that it's not until you reach 35 that they start to encourage people to "get moving" for want of a better term. I am 28 too. We still have plenty of time left so try not to think about it too much now!

You haven't been together all that long and you should try and enjoy some time together while it's just the two of you, before babies come along and your moments alone are few and far between! Another benefit is the money. It is a smart idea that your partner has about the mortgage. Kids are going to cost you a lot over the years, and a bit of hard work on the mortgage for a couple of years will put you in a great position for all the expenses that come with kids!

As much as I want kids now, I want to be financially stable first. And while we do the hard work now to build up savings etc, we can enjoy the time that it's just us, and make the most of the chance to sleep in, go to the loo alone and all the stuff you don't get to enjoy as much once little ones are around. Having kids is a huge responsibility and it can put a lot of strain on a relationship, so trying to push DP into that responsibility before he is ready could push him away. I know that kids are going to change our lives and be the best thing we ever do, and I want to wait a little bit longer to make sure we are ready for it.

Like Swarles said, you don't HAVE to be married to have kids together, and you don't have to forsake getting ahead on the mortgage to get married either. You can put your money into the mortgage, and then when you are both ready you could get married in the registry office, or have a small ceremony on the beach without the expense of a reception etc. Afterall, it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage and the life you are going to share. A wedding is one day and if you had to choose between a wedding and financial security to start a family, which would you rather have?

You know you spend too much time on Facebook when you read comments and look for the 'like' button! I think I would have 'liked' every response here!

Liv, I need to agree with the others here, but please don't feel as though we are ganging up on you. It's also easier for us to say, as I'm assuming most of us are married, but you also know the background to most of us.

I just wanted to say though, that I'm happy you are happy! So much has happened to you in such a small space of time, and you deserve this happiness. Enjoy it!

Hi Livvy,

Are your concerns around having babies or not having a marriage proposal yet??? Either way both can really play on a persons mind at one point or another.

With babies I can understand if you can feel your biological clock ticking and that intense feeling. I know I had for a few years leading up to the conception of my DD. There were times when I just wanted to have a baby now, but knew that rationally it wasn't a good idea.

With regards to marriage or a marriage proposal. I too can relate to this and only just went through an emotional meltdown about this just before christmas. And after a bit of discovery I soon realised that it was about wanting to know that they are committed to you. As well as the risk involved in giving your heart wholely to that person and then them not returning that commitment to you. I think you should investigate into your emotions why these are coming up as issues and see if there is anything you can do to eleviate them otherwise communicating with your other half about your concerns would also be good idea. Not in an attempt to convince to do things they way you want but to just let him know how you are feeling and see if there's something you guys can comprimise on.

But you guys have only been living together for 3 months. I personally would give it till then end of 12 months of living together. As I believe its this time when you guys will face the majority of your issues and this will tell you how well you guys will fare long term.

I can understand the impatience, I wasn't together long with my FH before we moved in together and got engaged, we have both been married before, so we can appreciate more that this time it's right, and we are planning our future together too, we want a baby together and soon, so if it feels right for you then I have two thumbs up and I would tell you to go for it. But also the best way to keep your relationship healthy is the communication, you need to share your ideas and who knows, there could be compromise just around the corner.

After 3 months of living together you are really just finding out what it's really like to be together allllll the time. I can understand how you feel - I've been with my partner for 11 years and I'm still waiting! As for the kids thing.... you don't need to be married for babies and 28 really isn't that old!

I'm sure it'll happen, it might just take a little more time. I'm sure if he knows it's important to you then he'll want to make you happy.

^^^^ I was going to say something similar to this...


HAHA! Yes, this is definitely what I do ALL the time on here! haha

hi all

thanks for your advice. I think the thing is i was married ready to have kids and it fell apart and with this guy everything feels right. I work at a child care centre and most of my friends are married with babies and you know sometimes you feel like it will never be your time. even though u know your being silly

he talked the other day about wedding reception venues after we went to an engagement party at this beautiful place. I know it will happen and im not worried now i guess im scared if im not married or dont have his baby then he will leave coz its all too perfect. Im not used to perfect after my stuffed up marriage.

we did get a baby though....a kitten who we love and we even call me mummy and him daddy funny that huh??

im not upset what ppl wrote here i know you are just trying to reassure me and make me feel better and i thank you for it.

Congratulations on your little furbaby
You sound like you're in a good place, Livvy and it also sounds that he's at least open to the idea, given the recent wedding talk.

Enjoy these moments. I'm sure it will happen for you not too long in the future! x

Livvy, I kind of have been where you are, for a while I was carrying around so much baggage from my past relationship and the hang ups I had into my new one, but you need to stop for a moment and realise things are different. I like to think the past relationship was just a test for this one, many mistakes were made in my past relationship that I have learnt valuable lessons from, and how I don't want to be treated.
So embrace the new relationship and the love of the little kitty.

Hey Livvy,

It's great to hear that you are feeling better about it all now. And it sounds like DP is on the same page as you, if he's talking about weddings etc. Guys do tend to have a longer timeline to us girls a lot of the time though! They don't have a biological clock so I think it's hard for them to understand sometimes! You are not alone in thinking it will never be your time for babies, I think nearly everyone has moments like that, and it is so hard not to dwell on it even when you know it's silly, like you said.

I can tell you that kittens are the best distraction from that biological clock! It sounds silly but you can look at it as practice for you and DP, having something else to look after together apart from yourselves. And they are so much fun too!

I agree with both of these comments (and more). Worrying yourself over what will or will not be in 10 years time when you're 40 is hardly healthy. An awful lot can happen in 2 years, let alone 10!

You're worrying yourself over answers to questions you shouldn't know. At least not yet. Take your time.