Hi everyone,

I would love some opinions/help on how to approach this situation sensitively.

Ok - so the background. My girlfriend and I have toddlers the same age so we went through pregnancy etc together.

We caught up about three months ago and she asked me when we wanted more kids. I told her point blank that we hadn't started trying yet and that we were looking to start TTC in about three months or so - hoping to fall pregnant in 6 months time. This was the truth but we were lazy with monitoring and ended up UTD 2 weeks after I went off the pill.

When I asked her the same question - she told me that they had been trying for 8 months and was quite upset about it. Also, her best friend had fallen pregnant (she also has a toddler the same age us) really easily and whilst she was happy for her of course she couldn't help a feeling of resentment and jealousy (I totally understand this).

I totally appreciate the way she feels but I'm not sure how to tell her so I've been avoiding it. I keep thinking of her feeling awful after I've told her and I can't bring myself to do that to her. As the 12 week mark draws closer I know that something is going to end up on facebook and I don't want her to find out like that but I don't know what to say or how to approach it.

Would love insights from anyone on how they would have wanted to hear it/how they broke the news...anything!

Thanks,

Be honest and up front with her. It is a tricky situation, however it would be a million times worse if she found out through a friend or on Facebook. I would also tell her in person or over the phone (as opposed to text or FB chat), and say that you wanted to give her the heads up before everyone else knows.

When you have told her, give her time to process the information and don't force your pregnancy on her. If she wants to cool the friendship for a little bit, go with that.

I was in the same situation this time last year, and it is hard. One of my best friends has been trying for years to have a baby, and I felt guilty that I had fallen pregnant (admittedly not easily). Our friendship dynamic changed a little after that, we're still good friends, but just not quite as close as we were. Then again, we both got really busy with work and social commitments too. Whilst I was pregnant I didn't gush to her about every little thing, and I didn't complain about anything, as I felt blessed to be in this situation that I knew she would kill ot be in.

Another friend I likened it to ripping off a bandaid - I had to just blurt it out. Funnily enough she was pregnant too and trying to find the courage to tell me

Good luck

I agree with what April said - tell her in person and say you wanted to let her know before everyone else knows. I think she will appreciate it and understand you are being sensitive to her needs (without saying it of course).

It's better that what my SIL did to me - we found out when she was almost 5 months pregnant and she had the gall to tell me she didn't know she was pregnant until almost 3 months. Not only was I hurt, I was insulted too

I agree with the others.. tell her and tell her soon, she will be much more hurt if she hears it from someone else, be up front and honest and I am sure that she will be ok.

I was recently in a similar situation with a friend from work, she knew we had been trying for a while with no luck. We had even had conversations about how she wasn't the maternal type and couldn't really see herself with kids, then recently she told me that her Hubby wanted kids so she thought she would go off the pill and see what happens.. BAM pregnant first month off..

She took me aside and told me the day after she found out, I could tell that she was really nervous about telling me and she actually had a little cry, she said that I was the first person she thought about when she found out and that it seemed unfair and that she wished it had been as easy for me, which was sweet. I am happy for her, though must admit a little sad, but it hasn't affected our friendship, I know our time will come. I am glad I found out from her and not from someone else.

As you probably know TTC can be a difficult and emotional time, particularly if it takes a while. Be honest and sensitive to her feelings and I am sure that it will all work out ok.
Good luck

Another in agreement here - tell her in person.

I have a LTTTC friend (a loooooong time) and I worried for ages about telling her but in the end she was really happy for me - but I was also sensitive when telling her and I didnt gush madly or anything like that.

I know it hurt her, but if your friend is a good friend she will allow herself to be happy for you.

Goodluck x

I've been in this situation too and i felt my LLLTTTC friend deserved to hear it from me in person.

It's really hard to do and your friend will see that.

I'd recommend doing it at home, somewhere private in case the news is too much,but really recommend telling her in person.

If you send a message, or text, or it's announced on Facebook it's impersonal. You have probably had a situation yourself where feelings have been misunderstood because of the mood you were in when reading a comment.

If you are sitting in front of your friend, visibly struggling with the way to tell her kindly, she will know you are sincere and genuinely concerned rather than informing her out of necessity IYKWIM

She may shy away from the friendship for a while but if you tell her before anyone else does and give her the time to process she will appreciate it even though it hurts.

Tell her yourself. Let her decide what she wants to know about your pregnancy and be there for your friend, pregnant or otherwise