I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I thought I'd put it out there so I don't clog up the June mummies thread with any of my whining.
I have previously had depression issues associated with being in chronic pain and no longer being able to work or live a normal life. I'm mostly on top of things but I do get down from time to time. To be honest, I thought I'd have problems after the baby arrived and would be a bit susceptible to PND. I was planning on talking about this with my GP and midwife. It seems things aren't going that well already though.
At my first midwife appt (16 weeks) I scored quite poorly on the Edinburgh test and got a phone call back from my midwife concerned about me. I've been referred to the perinatal mental health team in my hospital and spoke with them today. The lovely lady who I blubbered on the phone to for 45 mins agrees that I need further assessment and has booked me in with a psychiatrist in Feb. They seem to think my issues are quite complex so it's not going to be easy to sort out.
I'm partly anxious about another miscarriage. Part of it is feelings of inadequacy relating to not being able to work anymore and having my life turned upside down. Friends/family have also been making comments about how I'm going to cope with a baby when I can't even go to work and live a 'normal' life. This makes me feel like I can't ask for any help because I'll be proving everyone right. Including my husband who I swore black and blue to I'd be fine with this whole motherhood thing. I'm also stressed because my husband is stressed out about becoming a father which makes me feel like I've bullied him into it, especially when he is already looking after me. Then I worry about being a bad mother because I'm unwell and can't do things normal people do, and what kind of example that will set for my child. Then I feel guilty about not feeling happy all the time as I should be happy to be pregnant. I am happy to be pregnant, just not happy while pregnant if that makes sense?
The lady I spoke to today asked if I talked to any of my friends about my depression issues. I don't think any of my friends even know about my previous problems. Nor do my family. It has only ever been dealt with by my doctors and my husband knows as he comes to my appts with me. All my friends know about my pain issues and they have enough trouble understanding what it's like to be in pain 24/7 for years on end and not be able to go to work or even do the grocery shopping. I really haven't felt the need to delve beyond that. Has anyone else told people when they are having ante-natal depression issues? It feels a bit socially unacceptable to not be ecstatically happy and glowing.
Any advice anyone has please share.