Would you change your flirty relationship (via email) with a long time friend if you or he or both were now married?

If the flirtiness had sexual undertones, then I don't think (for me) it'd be appropriate and yes, I would put a stop to it. I guess it would also come down to my hubby knowing of the relationship with the other person, and if he was aware of the candid flirty communications.

If the shoe was on the other foot, I sure wouldn't appreciate a long-term friend of Hubby's continuing the flirty behaviour.

For me this is always the best test... how would I feel if DH was doing it? In this case I am with AuChocolat and wouldn't feel at all comfortable. But that's just my perspective and I know everyone has different takes on these things.

Me either!!

See that's the thing, my DH openly flirts with girls he doesn't know on FB and my friends who are also friends with him can see that and it doesn't look good. What must my friends think?
I've always been very discreate about flirting in an open medium like FB for my DH's sake.

I have known this man for many years, we've never been involved and while it did get a little sexual there for a moment (initiated by him) and by sexual I mean via email I backed right off when I thought it went too far. it's only recently that i've been back in contact with him to tell him about the baby and like a friend he wants to see ultrasound pics and bump pics, but sometimes I feel I should leave the flirting at the door not only in respect for my DH but also in respect for his new wife. he tells me she doesn't care, and if she's like me, then maybe she doesn't but I know my DH hates that I have any contact with this man at all. I'm not willing to give up the friendship but maybe it needs to change...

Ok, I was trying to edit my above post and what I typed got eaten!

Anyway. I guess only you and your DH know what's ok in your relationship and what isn't. For me personally, I would NOT be having a child with man where both of us have open flirtations with other people, but that's just my DH and I, for us that's not ok and neither of us would do that. Especially not where other people could see it, as you said what would your friends think! But you know what, it's your relationship not theirs, and it doesn't really need to be ok with them.

Maybe it is time for the friendship to change, things change, life changes (your life is REALLY about to change with a ickle bubba on the way ).

I might question DH why he has a problem with this particular man though...?

I think your DH has made it clear how he thinks about you interacting with this man. Your DH is more important (i'm assuming) than this man therefore I would respect your DH's wishes, within reason. Unless there is something inparticular that your DH objects with then compromising on a plain friendship with no flirting would be appropriate.

As for open flirting on FB, that is up to you to decide if it is important to you and if you think he should stop.

Personally, we don't flirt with those the other doesn't know and isn't comfortable with (that I'm aware of). We are very open with each other and we have a few very close friends where flirtations fly freely, but we know its just fun, not behind anyones back (so if someone was in a couple and their parter didn't like it, we wouldn't flirt), and anyone within these groups are fair game for a bit of flirting. So DH and his male friends "hit on" each other, They "hit on" anyone of the girls, and vice versa. There is 7 of us (one of the boys is unpartnered) and We have all been friends for over 10years now. The 4 boys play soccer together and I'm sure we get funny looks when we all kiss (on the cheek) and hug after games.

I can only speak for me and my relationship but yes I would change it. If the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't be happy with hubby either.

If it were me I'd be wanting to talk it out and find the reason for his concern. I don't think you should give up a friendship or the way that friendship works for you, as I doubt the issue is really about this one guy. There is something going on with your dh and his feelings.

One of my best mates is a guy and while I don't find our interactions flirty, my dh got all weird about it. A long chat, a few beers and a game of rugby between them and now it's fine

Agreed, I'd be upset if I found out my Hubs was having a flirty email exchange with another woman, and I know he'd feel the same if it was me having the email exchange... But we're both very straight-laced like that! So yes, I would change my flirty relationship with the friend!

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask your partner to stop flirting. In the early days of our relationship, I used to flirt a lot. It was a bit immature but at the time I thought it was harmless as I had no interest in being unfaithful, I just enjoyed the banter and teasing. However, DH got really upset and asked me to stop. I did stop as he was far more important. Now I just focus all my flirting on him

With regards to giving up a friendship, I guess it depends on why the friendship upsets them whether I would end it or not. I would, however, be keen to ensure DH is comfortable with all my friendships and be willing to negotiate with him to that end. Sexual overtones would be a definate no. I don't think it is unreasonable for your DH to be upset by the emails (although it does strike me a little as the pot calling the kettle black). Perhaps this is an opportunity for you both to sit down and establish the friend boundaries in your relationship.

As far as I'm concerned, if either party is married or in a long-term relationship the flirting stops. I wouldn't be OK with DH having an extra-marital flirtation so it isn't OK for me.

I also don't like women who think it's OK to have 'emotional connections' with men who are in long term relationships. It is disrespectful to his partner and I wouldn't want to be friends with a man who treated women like that.

I think if you are already aware that ytour husband is uncomfortable with you having contact with this man then out of respect to your husband (and the man's wife) that flirting should be left at the door.

My measure has always been that if I'd feel uncomfortable doing it with DH standing beside me, I shouldn't be doing it. So this this case, no, I don't think I'd be comfortable with it.

Having said that, though, it goes both ways, and I wouldn't expect to stop while my DH continued on, IYKWIM? If it wasn't okay for one of us to flirt, then it's not okay for either of us to do it.

HTH.