Nov 12 2009, 12:09 PM
I need some advice...I was the MOH for my "best friends" wedding. We organised a hen's night which she said she was to busy to attend...so basically we just went out to dinner for the hen's night which she left early so all the bridesmaids went out afterwards without her. She also refused my help to organize a kitchen tea. To make matters worse, initially she offered to pay for part of the dress, hair, makeup, and jewelery. In the end however, she didn't pay for anything apart from the jewelery (which was our wedding gift). So I ended up paying $450 (dress), $130 (shoes), $150 (hair and makeup) total = $730 and being a young student my mum had to cover all the costs cause I couldn't afford it. I didn't want to upset her before the wedding so I confronted her after the wedding about the everything, this is when she attacked me and said that my behavior was totally unacceptable during the wedding
Not sure whether its worth being friends with her anymore any advice???
Thanks for any help you can give me from Jessica
♥ Emsie ♥
Nov 12 2009, 12:28 PM
Good god, what a rude and ungrateful person!!
I'd probably be inclined to let her cool off, then speak to her again - if nothing else to find out why she thinks your behaviour was inappropriate?
Nov 12 2009, 12:29 PM
Did she give you any examples of how your behaviour during the wedding was unacceptable - I don't know but it probably wasn't really, it just sounds like a bridezilla thing
Without knowing more all I can really say is you have to just let it go and maybe distance yourself a bit from her now. I know one of my BMs did not pay a thing - her dress, shoes, hair, makeup and jewellery were all paid for, she didn't buy a present for the kt or wedding (not even a card) and was shocked when she was asked to pay for herself at the hen's day (let alone chiupping in to pay for the bride). Luckily for me, my MOH and other BM were fantastic, paid for everything and were so helpful/supportive on the day where they couldn't do enough for me - I made sure they knew how much I appreciated them both and although they and I (and my mum who ended up paying for the other BM) were annoyed, we have never said anything to her directly and probably never will.
Unfortunately for the sake of peace, you might have to just leave it alone...
Nov 13 2009, 10:15 AM
Just to throw a spanner in the woodwork, I disagree with the other responses.
I'm not saying she's not ungrateful, I'm not saying she's not rude, because I don't know her. & by no means am I condoning her behaviour for attacking you, but I really think there's a time and a place for everything, and confronting her at her wedding probably wasn't the smartest of choices.
P.S. If she's really your 'best friend' a blow up such as this is no reason to end your friendship all together. If you're real 'besties' you'll get through any (reasonable, warranted) argument.
Nov 13 2009, 10:24 AM
QUOTE(IluvPink @ Nov 12 2009, 01:09 PM)
I didn't want to upset her before the wedding so I confronted her after the wedding about the everything,...
She didn't confront her at the wedding!
I wonder why she said your behaviour at the wedding was unacceptable?
Without knowing more, she sounds rather ungrateful and I wonder why she even asked you to be BM in the firstplace if she didnt want you to be involved with anything or even bother to show up to her own hens night???
I'd probably wait till things settled down and distance yourself in the meantime. Being a bride can be pretty stressful time for some, so cut her a bit of slack. Maybe you dont know the full picture yourself.
Nov 13 2009, 11:08 AM
Settle petal. My mistake.
But I still question why this was said. The sentence sort of contradicts itself IMO.
QUOTE(IluvPink @ Nov 12 2009, 12:09 PM)
I didn't want to upset her before the wedding so I confronted her after the wedding about the everything, this is when she attacked me and said that my behavior was totally unacceptable during the wedding
Not sure whether its worth being friends with her anymore any advice???
Anyway, I'm not out for a debate. Like I said it's JMO. Take it or leave it.
Nov 13 2009, 01:42 PM
Just to answer everyone's question...my behavior that was scrutinized was 1. that i was too hypo at the wedding she used the example of me laughing to much with another bridesmaid when we were taking photos (i hadn't drunk anything btw and generally im quite a happy person and i wanted to have fun!)...the other one was that i was being too distant from her at the reception (yes that is possible...probably subconscious as I didn't think I was at the time). Thanks for everyone advice though
yes i think i will let her cool off before i talk to her again
Nov 13 2009, 02:34 PM
Brides tend to forget that the world doesn't revolve around them, and that every one else have lives too. I'm a bit sad for her that she spent her whole day worrying about what others were doing, and not concentrating on her own day. She'll regret that down the track.
Nov 13 2009, 07:02 PM
It sounds like you both need some cooling off. In your shoes, I'd be mad if the bride did that to me too; however, imagine her surprise when you confronted her about her wedding behaviour? At the time, she would have felt very justified to be behaving like that and probably reacted to what you said out of defensiveness and hurt. You didn't mention how far after the wedding 'after' is. If it was after the reception, then yes, you probably did need to hear some retaliation. My MOH behaved appallingly on my wedding day and although I would have loved to have confronted her about it, the wedding day was not the place.
If you truly value this person's friendship, wait a couple of weeks and make peace. Take her a flower and an offer of coffee, sit down and talk about - be the bigger person. Coming onto a wedding forum only gives you one side of the story and while it gives you advice, it doesn't fix the situation.
For what it's worth, I've paid upwards of $1000 to be in a bridal party and while I was working at the time, those are the costs you should expect when you agree to be a bridesmaid.
Regarding the pre-wedding celebrations, I didn't want anything for mine and was practically forced to have a hens party. I didn't want anyone to go out of their way and although we had a great time, wouldn't have minded if it hadn't have happened. Perhaps your friend is the same? She was doing it out of obligation? It's good the rest of you continued to party anyway.
All the best with your situation.
Nov 13 2009, 10:44 PM
I was a BM in my cousins wedding and she also was not particularly fond of a hen's party or anything. We ended up going out for tea, it was just very low key and then a couple of drinks afterwards and we were home before midnight. I think I was more upset for myself than her. Almost slightly offended that she didnt want to talk weddings or celebrate as much as I did.
In regards to the cost factor, while it's no secret it can cost a mint to be a bridesmaid, if she offered to pay for some part and then didn't, that's poor on her behalf.
If I were you, I would just arrange a casual get-together and talk about it maturely (i wouldnt even both mentioning the money factor - some things are better left unsaid).
I dont know how close you are, but my girlfriend and I have difference of opinions on ranges of things, some sensitive, some not but at the end of the day, our friendship means so very much to me.
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