This is a hard post for me to write. I'll try to keep it short.

I have mentioned on here a few times before about our grumpy old fat cat who pees in the food and water, has a lot of anxiety problems and gets bashed up by our other two cats. She doesn't seem happy. She's not friendly, and she's scared of us. It was a good couple of years before we could even pat her or that she would stay in the same room as us. We got her from the RSPCA nearly four years ago, she is nearly 9 years old now.

So she has never really fit in with us or seemed happy. The first year or two she was peeing on everything, then only plastic bags and green bags, and now only in their water bowls and occasionally I come across a pee soaked somethingorother, usually something I chucked on the floor in the spare room and forgot about. We have ruled out UTIs and other medical problems apart from anxiety. We have had a Feliway dispenser before which worked amazingly well, I just have to get another refill which is why we don't have one at the moment. We are not going to try anti-anxiety medication because the battle to actually get anything into her is not worth it, it just makes her more stressed and agressive.

Anyway, the point of my post is that my friend has recently opened a cat shelter in my town. Here's the link if you are interested. http://www.charliessanctuary.com I am seriously considering putting her up for adoption. I just don't know what to do. It breaks my heart to even think of it but surely if she is still miserable after 4 years, she's not going to get any better? I really think she needs to be the only cat in a house with a single person or couple, no kids. She loves lying under the heater curled up in a ball but she can't do that much here because there's so much activity that she jumps a mile any time anyone (human or animal) enters the room. She is so skittish, it's like she can never relax. And I have seen our other 2 cats swipe out at her and she regularly has scratches on her face and ears. I just want her to be able to live out her days in peace and comfort.

Chances are we wouldn't find a suitable owner for her anyway in which case she would definitely stay here with us (I'm not giving her to just anyone) but I just don't know if I should put her up on the site and take the chance someone will want her. The shelter does have a 2 week trial period policy and they do follow up calls and stuff so I'm not worried about her new owners being wrong for her, if there were any problems I'd take her back in a second. I just strongly believe that you change your lifestyle to suit your pets, and not the other way around, but this is essentially what we'd be doing. Adding to the guilt is the feeling like she's just too much work and it'll be easier on me to give her away, there'd be less pee to clean up, and also we'd be able to foster some cats if she was gone which we can't do now with her here, that would just make things worse for her. So it's like I'm considering this to suit myself, not her. That makes me feel awful!

So what would you do? Put her up on the site or persevere and keep her with you?

Sorry, ended up being really long again, I seem incapable of writing a short post!

This must be so hard for you!

I own a cat who is nearly 2 and he is the most ignorant, unfriendly, unaffectionate cat I have ever seen! He also gets beaten up often. He is a real loner and I often wonder if it is because we give so much attention to my dog.
But we have gotten used to him being like this now.

But in your situation with having other cats and having to clean up mess all the time I would also be having similar thoughts.
Maybe the cat will enjoy living as a one cat family. I think it is very hard to say for sure.

Sorry that I can't really offer you much help with your decision.
But I think that you will make the one that is right for you and your cat.

hmmmm, we have a cat who is on meds because she is so stressed out - it is hard work.
TBH I think your cat really does need to be in a one cat home, right away that would probably make a HUGE difference to her.

I think, as hard as it would be ( ), maybe its time to find her a quiet home, where she is the only cat, or child for that matter. You would be doing the right thing by her.

Gosh it is difficult decision that you have to make Piper.

Is there any possibility that your cat could live in a separate part of your house to the others? So she felt a bit less threatened?

Hmm not really. They used to sleep in the spare room but when we renovated we built on a sunroom just for them, and I have since cleaned all the cat hair/smells out of the spare room totally and would like to try and keep it clean for future guests/babies that might stay in it. So I don't really want her in there. We try to keep them out of the lounge room and the rest of the house is open plan so no spaces for her to stay undisturbed.

We have a strange set up, we are very attached to our cats, but they definitely do not have the run of the house! They are in their sun room while we are at work and then to sleep, and out in the house the rest of the time when we are home. It works well because they have their beds, scratching poles, food etc in there and it's plenty big enough for them to run around. We don't let them in our room and they are usually only allowed in the lounge room in the evening when we are both there to keep an eye on them.

We have plans to build a cat run and attach it to a window from their room using one of those perspex cat doors so they have access to outside, I don't know whether that might make things easier for her. I think the other 2 will probably spend a lot of time out in the run when it is done.

Hey Piper, I am so sorry I was meaning to come over and chat to you last night about this. I am so sorry, I did not have a chance to sit for more than 2 mins.

I think it is obvious she needs to be and only cat, and I know you have tried EVERYTHING. I was going to suggest asking the shelter to put her up on the website with a really nice write up about her and see what kind of interest she gets. That would be something you could do straight away without actually having to make the decision of whether to take her to the shelter or not.

Is that an option at all?

ETA: Im sorry I haven't looked at their website, but they could probably make her Cat of the week or something if they do that sort of thing?

I just thought I would update and let you know that we have decided we just can't do it. It was actually my DH who made the decision, I had pretty much decided to give her away and when I asked him what he thought he said he didn't want to-surprised the heck out of me considering he has done nothing but complain about her since we got her!

We've got the Feliway going again and it's made a huge difference already, and hopefully our cat run is only a few weeks away, it will be much more pleasant for her then.

My suggestion was may be allowing her to have one on one time you with you and your DH (ooops that would actually be the three of you ). May be letting her sleep with you both at night to make her feel "special"??? then she would have time out away from the others.