So of late my MIL seems to be around a lot more and offering to watch kaele alot more..

For example, I was quiet sick on Sunday, and I was going through my list of people who I thought I could ask to come rescue me with Kaele.
In the end I rang my brother and he came to my aid. I was telling MIL about this, when she rang me the other night, she proceeded to tell me that she would of come and all I have to do is call in those situations and she will come and take kaele for me.

I have asked MIL to come and sit here while I go pick Klay up from the airport two times, Kaele is in bed.
The thing is, I wouldn't ever let MIL watch Kaele at her house - she is a heavy smoker, and smokes inside and I just don't want Kaele around that (We don't even go to their house at night unless its a warm night and we can sit outside because it is horrible being around all the ew smoke.


So she offers, and I come up with a polite reason why I didn't call (This time it was I thought she may of made plans for the weekend that she had to keep...) anyway, really running out of polite reasons.

I don't want to upset her, not my intention, as she is trying to be helpful, however, it will just never happen. So would you tell her? Or would you just continue to use polite excuses?

That's a tough one. Does she know how you feel about her smoking inside and not wanting Kaele to be inside her house? I suppose all you can do is ask her to watch Kaele at your place! My MIL smokes too so I know how hard it can be, I don't want Alex exposed to it at all, it makes me uncomfortable.

I would be honest to her and say that you really don't want Kaele around cig smoke...which to me is fair enough...maybe your hubby can have a word with her...

If she does want to come and sit Kaele - make strict rules...at your house...she must shower...no smoking whatsoever....

My Mum is a chain smoker, and smokes inside. A few years ago when I was pregnant, and she mentioned babysitting, I told her straight up, but in a polite way, that she could only babysit at our house, because we don't want our children breathing in smoke. I did as a child, and now I have a lung disease...I think she was a bit upset, but being honest is sometimes the only way. I don't think people can say much, because everyone knows the effect 2nd hand smoke has these days. I hold my breath when I walk past people who are smoking lol.
I'd would be honest, but as tactful as you can be...

my other halfs aunt is not allowed to hold her grandchildren or breath on them after she has had a smoke
i think its understandable yes we may be able to stand it but little ones cant cope as well

Renee I would certainly say something to her and I think it can be approached in a way where she would not take offence.

Smoking around babies is very harmful and I would be quite vocal about some of the risks it can cause. I am sure she will realise you have Kaele's best interests at heart.

My mum smokes and she knows I am funny about it but she has cut down a lot and will always wash her hands and brush her teeth with toothpaste and mouthwash before and after each cigarette. Maybe you could say to your MIL that you are happy for her to watch Kaele but it needs to be at your house and you would prefer her not to smoke while she is watching Kaele. Explain you feel awkward having this conversation with her, but say its also important that it needs to be said.

I hope something can be worked out. It seems a shame your MIL could not help you out more and get to spend more time with Kaele simply because of a rather unhealthy habit.

Good luck.

I dont know if she knows specifically about how I feel about smoking inside, she knows how I feel about smoking in general. I was a smoker Pre Kaele and quit promplty and was quiet vocal about my SIL smoking throughout her recent pregnancy, and always made hands be washed before touching Kaele etc.
I have always thought that if she wants to watch her, it will be at our place, but in those situations. I find it hard tro know what to sy.


Maybe yeah Klay can throw it in there for me.

I may be surprised and she may choose to smoke outside if kaele is there, but still, the house reeks all Kaeles stuff will come back gross and I just dont want to have to put up with it!

Thanks girls.

I agree with Jo, that it needs to be said, and she needs to understand that it is your house (and child) and your rules. if she wants to kill her own lungs, so be it. but that you will not let her damage Kaele's lungs.

Personally i am a wimp, so i would make Klay do it though

Yeah, I'd probably say something too....only because she's probably thinking up a dozen other reasons in her head of why you don't let her watch Kaele???? She might be relieved that it's "only" the smoking thing

I'd leave it for my DH to say something - his family and all that.

Rach

I had to tell my mum that she wouldn't get to look after Abby particularly at her house. Partly because of her smoking but a few other things aswell. It was an awful conversation but I am so glad that I finally told her.

Good luck.

My MIL is a smoker too and when I was pregnant I let her know that our baby would never be around smoke, so overnight visits at her house would be out until she could stop smoking. She was very understanding!

Being that Archie is her one and only grandchild, she moved (she rents) into a unit near our house once he was born and never smokes inside (that we know of) and she also doesn't bring her cigarettes when she comes to our house.

When she comes for a visit straight after work she comes in and washes her hands without me even having to ask and is generally very thoughtful! But I am sure that if I wasn't so direct with her that it would definitely be an issue for us now.

So I can highly recommend being upfront with her and letting her know that you think Kaele would really benefit from extra time with you but it just can't be an option until something happens with the cigarettes. So if it is important to her too then perhaps she can start looking into cutting down/quitting smoking. Let her know you will help her and maybe collect some brochures from the QuitLine or buy her some patches. Being active in the solution is better than just telling her what you want her to do.

Oooh Rach didn't think about what she may be thinking!!


Good point Lisa, although she won't quit. Klay and I are the only non smokers in his family, and they would honstely think we are being stupid. There were comments made when we asked people to smoke right down the back of the yard whilst I was pregnant and when Kaele had her Christening.
Klays eldest sister smoked heavily throughout her 2 pregnancies, and the sister that just had a baby, continued to smoke throughout hers and has now taken it up full time again, so we are really really the black sheep.

I think we will just come straight out with it (We = Klay )

I can sympathise with this! My FIL tried to quit when Zoe was born but it didn't last long. I don't trust him to look after her by himself because I don't think he would refrain from lighting up their generation really don't see it as a problem, we are just 'overprotective' in their eyes. good luck!

My nephew is 7 and has an emphasymic (sp) type cough whenever he comes to my bro's house about one day after leaving his mother's house, who is a chain smoker. Shows the evil of smoking around children on a regular basis.

My MIL smokes and I find it difficult to cope with cigarette smoke anyway with my skin allergies. I had to ask her to smoke outside when she came over and to not smoke around me. She wasn't very happy about it originally but I wasn't backing down. She's OK about it now but if I didn't say it right away I'm sure it would become more difficult over time.

Once your MIL is aware that it it is the smoking that prevents her from babysitting Kaele she may be very happy to stop. It's possible she is wondering why you won't allow her to babysit and could think it is a lack of trust rather than just the smoking. I'd tell her if I were you.

You or Klay definitely need to discuss it with her.

Better now than later when Kaele is old enough to say she wants to sleep over Grandma's house

I have to agree with this. my MIL thinks passive smoking is a loud on crock. I hate her watching/being around Riley (although she doesn't smoke holding him) she picks him up with stinky hands and kisses and breathes all over him but I feel I just can say anything. I'm always stepping on toes with her about everything. She just doesn't listen to me. I told her, "to leave Riley and that he will be fine", the other week when Riley was quietly grizziling when I put him down for a sleep and she completely ignored me and went and played games with him in his port-a-cot. Then she wondered why I had the shits and wanted to go home to put Riley to bed.

Just wanted to say that the other girls have given great advice. I would certainly get your husband to talk to her about it. She will be more forgiving of him if she is insulted.
Good Luck.