As the title suggests, how do those of you with a toddler and a baby find time to spend doing things with the baby. I'm finding I feel a bit guilty that my toddler takes up most of my attention and a lot of the time poor Zoe is just sitting in her rocker or on her playmat while I am attending to my toddlers needs. I really only get short bursts of time to sing with her and talk to her which I guess may be enough for now (she is 3 months) but I feel like she really only can get my attention when Josh is asleep.

How have others gone with this?

Sorry, I can't offer any advice but would also love to know how others do this. This is one of my main worries for when this little one comes along.

i would love to hear the responses here too.. my little one - zoe as well - has a very jealous older sister so she gets attention when isabelle is asleep but otherwise not a whole lot as if she sees me singing to her or talking she runs over to get in on the act and always ends up poking her or hitting her. she definately isnt getting the intense one on one that isabelle had.

like you creativity i give zoe a lot of attention when isabelle is asleep.

a few mums in my mothers group have told me not to stress about it, that it is the way of the world. the second born doesnt get as much attention but the payoff is that they always have a playmate.

Bec, there is a 20 month gap between my two also. I am fortunate that at the moment my mum looks after Josh 2 days a week, but that's so I can work from home for those 2 days. So I try to catch up a little with Zoe when she is awake on those days and work when she is asleep.

I can't help feeling guilty though that I am going to make her development suffer because I'm not singing or talking to her enough!! I guess I have to remind myself that the first child will always have had that exclusive time and any other children don't.

Sam-lou that't a good point about the pay-offs. My toddler isn't too jealous and I think he can't wait until Zoe is old enough for him to play with . Already he trys to give her things to play with but I have to keep telling him she is too little at the moment. Now he goes around saying 'little'. Also, I guess Zoe will benefit heaps from sitting in on story time with Josh, etc. So I guess she will still learn things but in different ways to what Josh did.

Would be grateful if others also can share how their days look and how they manage this issue.

I am wondering how things will go with us too. Braith is in daycare once a week still, so that was always going to be my one on one day with Keeley, where she gets all my attention for the day...
I guess the other way I will be including her is by having her on my lap when Braith and I are doing stuff so she can see as well and help... eg, playing playdough.. finger painting.. digging in the sandpit.. maybe have your toddler help you with time for bubs as well, eg, Braith loves all his "old" baby toys now Keeley is here and cant wait to show Keeley what to do with them. He will often hold them up for her or put them on the floor next to her and show her how things work and what they do. He is also helping me to sing songs to Keeley. She is also on my lap listening to the stories I read Braith when he goes down for daytime nap and bed.

From what I have seen of second children they end up doing alot of stuff quicker than the first because they have someone to mimic etc, so I wouldnt be too worried about development, As others have said, I am sure it will all work out fine. Kids all tend to catch up to each other at some stage anyway.

It gets easier as the baby gets older!

I have 16 months between my two but am lucky that Penny isn't jealous. Now we both play with Abi and Abi always has some 'mummy time' after feeds.

Now that Abi can sit up and is more robust, Penny cuddles and kisses her and brings her toys... OK, we're still working on the last one! even in their car seats they reach across and hold hands Penny actually gets more giggles and smiles than the rest of us put together.

Maybe make play with the baby something you and Joshie can do together? Like singing or reading.

Hi V!!!

I echo Shellys comments..it gets so much better and more fun! There are 15 1/2 months between my boys and now that Max is 7 months its great!

Once Max started sitting (actually it pretty much started when I put Max in his Activity/Bouncer where he is upright) Sam really started to interact with him. They play peekaboo and laugh together all the time. They even have their "own jokes" already!! It makes us laugh so much!

On car trips if Max starts to cry, Sam will try to divert him and make him laugh...And like Shelly said Sam gets more smiles, laughs than anyone else!

You could get Josh to Zoe things that he is doing..it makes both of them feel pretty spesh!

Thanks for this thread, it is something I am concerned about by the time #2 comes

Virginia - my mum used to tell me that she used to feel guilty about not being able to spend the same amount of time with me as she did with my older brother, but she always used to say that I looked at my older brother with absolute love and admiration and would do anything to capture his attention. So much so that she often felt like the third wheel

And like the others have said, the younger one learns so much from, and mimics the older child. The youngest is quite lucky because they have their mummy and daddy to learn from, plus a sibling who teaches them in a whole different way.

Please don't feel guilty. You are doing a great job and both your kids are very lucky to have you as a mummy

honestly - this is the reason molly goes to bed an hour after the girls do - so i can spend time with her alone - otherwise it simply wouldn't happen.

in saying that - the girls have never really had one on one time either and i don't feel that they have suffered for it.

I am lucky that I do get time with my bubba. I am only home for 6 months, so kept my son in daycare a couple of days.

But when we are all home, I tend to include them both in what ever we are doing. If my eldest is having lunch, I will put my youngest in the highchair (and have started feeding her too now). If we are playing on the floor, I say to my son "lets lie down here with Ava and see if we can make her laugh" - and he tries to tickle her then or talk to her. If I have to put washing on or get dressed and he wants to follow I say things like "oh, poor little Ava is all alone - do you want to go and keep her company?" and most times he does.

There are definitely times that she does just have to lie on her play mat while I put him on the potty or tend to whatever drama is unfolding with him - but she is happy there with her toys, so there is nothing to worry about.

I certainly haven't had the opportunity to spend much one on one time with Eddie (we have a 17 mth age gap) but at 12 mths he is probably ahead of where Rosie was in terms of speech and understanding. We are constantly amazed at the things he learns without us trying to "teach" him at all.

If you are doing things with your toddler and the baby is in the same room, they will be benefiting from it. And I think often their development is accelerated because they are exposed to more advanced books, songs, activities etc. Eddie pciked up crayons and knew what to do with them straight away because he had seen Rosie drawing.

I try to make the most of my rare time alone with Eddie but honestly I think he prefers it when his personal entertainment officer is in the room

And once the baby starts to grow up and assert themselves more you find things even out as well

Thanks so much for all your replies ladies....I'm going to stop worrying so much and be thankful that I have a toddler who loves his sister lots and I'm sure will be teaching her lots of things over the next few years.

The other night I actually ended up having to hold Zoe while I was reading to Josh and I suddenly realised that I was having a moment where she would still be benefiting by sitting in on the things that I do with Josh.