I don't know what happened to my beautiful little angel - but she seems to have turned into a tantrum thrower!!

I find it is usually when we are out (all of us, including Daddy) and we try to stop her from doing something or try to get her to go a different direction to what she wants. Today we were out looking at furniture/decorator shops and I decided that I would let her touch what she wanted and only stop her if it was something breakable, I thought that would save me form saying no every two seconds - and "pick the battle". But twice I had to carry a screaming child out of the shop and into the car to stop the tantrum!! She had a massive tantrum the other day because we had to leave the swimming pool (it was pouring with rain!!)

She is fine at home usually and she tends to be fine when it is just her and I.

I try to ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good (eg today we were at the swimming pool and she got out without a fuss when we had to leave so I told her how good she was for doing that). However it is sometimes hard to ignore it in the shops with everyone looking at you - I am not really that worried about what other people think, because she is a toddler and what do they expect? but I dont really like to hang around entertaining people with my toddler's screaming!

Mum suggested that when she does it we take her to the car and put her in for a couple of minutes and walk out of her sight (but not so we cant see her) and when she calms down go back to her and give her a cuddle and go back in if she is going to be good.

Just wondering what other people do?

The wonderful age of tantrum central You really have to feel for the kiddies really..trying to communicate what they want/feel but not being able to express themselves, not being able to touch everything in sight and just working out their place in the world and not to mention trying to become more independent....

The things that I do:

* Acknowledge the childs feelings/why they are throwing a tanty - For example...'I know that you would like stay longer in the pool, but we need to go home and we can come back another day'...I can see that you are very frustrated...I can see that you are sad...etc etc...

* Let the child have his/her moment...acknowledge...and when they are ready be there to comfort them

* Try and guess what they are wanting/need before the tanty occurs.

* If it gets all to much - and you find yourself about to yell....walk away...and come back when you are calm...

* Get down to the childs level so that they know that you are there....

* And like you are already doing - acknowledge the positive behaviours..

* Distract them to something else...if you can

As for tanties in the shops...just have to stick it out I am afraid...Noah threw an awesome one today cause he wanted out of his pram...tried to offer a toy...threw it...

Great advice from Mandy. We have recently hit the tanty stage and the first few dh and I were gobsmacked! He is such a placid kid but he has some 'hot buttons' that we have now learned to predict. A change to a busy environment such as grandparents house or the shops is often a problem. He tends to get overstimulated and then when he can't run around the mall etc he throws a wobbly.

With the leaving thing, someone suggested to me to do the 5-3-1 warnings, at this age they understand far more than they can say, so 'we are leaving the pool in 5 minutes ok? 3 minutes then we say bye bye pool, ok we are getting out in a minute - lets go!'. And I always praise the good behaviour.

* If he is having a tanty I say something like 'use your words, tell Mummy what you want' but if it continues I say 'I know you are upset, when you have stopped yelling Mummy will help you etc' (sometimes through gritted teeth if we are out lol)

* I always try to trade rather than remove, so if he has a breakable item I will say 'swap?' and offer him my keys or something else that he likes, just to save myself from saying no all the time.

* With shops being a key issue for us, we always try to go to the park first to let him run around, even if it is only for 20 minutes, then make sure all his other needs are met such as hunger and thirst.

* All kids go through this, they can't communicate as much as they want to and their frustrations get the better of them. You are not a bad Mum if your child throws a tanty in the shops, and I guarantee you most of the people looking are thinking '20 years ago my son/daughter did that, poor Mummy etc'.

HTH

Thanks for the suggestions so far girls! I particularly like the 5-3-1 warnings, I have heard other mums do this but didn't think to do it myself! Will start that one straight away!

Recently my mum lost the plot and called me a little bitch for crying on the plane when I was 1! But that is a whole other thread I suspect.

We are still learning what to do with Audrey's tanty throwing. She's usually pretty good while we are out, but will get a bit annoyed if we try to put her in her stroller or not let her run around. We try to teach her to hold mummy or daddy's hand, but she isnt such a fan.

At home we ask her to tell mummy and Daddy what she wants, or to calm down so she can. We explain why she cant have things she wants (been particulalry trying with laundry renos and tools lying about everywhere). But if she continues to chuck a wobbly, we ignore it until its over.

Kinda feel sorry for them, they cant say what they want and dont understand when they cant have something. I like the idea of "swap"... will give that a try.

Well I have to admit that I ignore them and dont give Grace anything from me especially when at home as it doesn't help and it can increase the problem. The worst thing I do is laugh because it is quite funny I have to admit but that makes her worse.

I also do the warning sign if she is enjoying something and I also tell her to say good bye to whatever she is playing on so there is a finish.

LMAO! My Mum still brings up a tanty I threw in a shop (ah, karma eh!) when I was TWO! Seriously, get over it Mum lol. I will not give her the satisfaction of knowing that ds now throws tanties in shops

Our situation may be a little different as alot of Penny's behaviour issues are because of her language difficulties. That said, unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable behaviour, whatever the reason.

I find that if we're out, I try to "talk her down" by talking calmly and stroking her head. This usually works and once she's calm it's OK. I don't often let her out of the stroller when we're out as I have Abi to cope with as well.

I'm also a strong believer in starting out as you wish to go on. If you don't want them to touch things in shops, don't let them... ever! They don't understand the difference between safe and dangerous, tough or fragile.

I have found that as her language improves, the more control she feels she has over the situation and the better her behaviour.

I find this one good, and still do it with my two who are now 6 and 8 - it helps them to know what is coming up and is a predictable routine for them. It worked a treat when they were younger as so not to 'surprise' them by just picking them up and going.

If you start early is can create good behaviour patterns.

I just finished a parenting course run through the local school and their suggestion are similar to what the others have said above.

- Only say something once, dont nag or remind or keep on saying the same thing
- It said alot about natural consequences and logical consequences.... Like for example you should always use natural consequences when available but if there are none then use a logical consequence.... Like if a toddler throws their dinner on the floor, the natural consequence is that they threw their dinner so there is no more therefore they go hungry - so basically you do nothing at all. Logical consequences are for if there are no natural consequences available like, if a kid refuses to wear a helmet when riding a bike the logical consequence will be that the bike gets confiscated for x amount of time (so you do something but it is directly related to the bad behaviour)

It has helped me alot in terms of some of Emily's tantrums. TBH though I usually do the same as Bec and ignore ignore ignore.... If we are out then we go home and I still ignore ignore ignore.... Probabley not going to win parent of the year but hey it is working for her!

I just go with and try to calm her down if she gets too distressed

I always remember shes not a little adult shes just a baby really and also I have a strong personality as does hubby so I can relate to her when shes going off so I understand and it doesnt bother me really

having said that I dont do nothing and give her no guidance but they dont affect me I understand how it is to feel things strongly and they feel things pretty strongly its all big deal to them they get frustrated. it wold be hard to be little

Distraction is usually the best tool I can use. He's obviously too young to reason with, and he's too big and heavy to forcibly remove him from a situation, eg at the playground if he doesn't want to leave I simply wouldn't be strong enough to remove him. Or I want him to come upstairs so I'll say c'mon lets count the stairs as we go up rather than asking him.

So if he's carrying on about having a biscuit and I don't want him to have one I may tell him he can't have a biccie but he can choose between some raisins or a cracker. He likes being offered alternative choices for everything as it makes him feel in control I guess.

I try to pre empt the tantrum also as I know what makes him mad I allow him to be involved in everything within reason. It's so frustrating for me sometimes as he can take ages but by allowing him to prepare his own brekkie, put his clothes in the machine, wash his dishes etc he is much happier.

There is some really good advice in here. I think I have no patience as everyone seems so calm in here on how they approach things. I have to admit that I have lost it so many times now I am trying to get down on her level and camly explain things or tell her you cant throw things on the floor and if you do you have to pick them up then I show her.

I have been struggling the last few weeks with her tantrums especially when she wipes everything from the table onto the floor whether its food or toys and she breaks things rips them or she hits me. Its been really stressing and I have been super tired and super sick with this pregnancy which I think leads to have a little less patience. But if anyone has any further advice I would love to hear it. Im on my own as hubby is away from us another month. I hit her a few times on her hand but I have found that doesnt really work and I know a lot of people wouldnt agree with doing that.

I hear you!

My daughter just started having tantrums almost overnight and it is terrible! Not only does she throw a super sized wobbly, she also bites me out of frustration.

All this advice is great and it's the same advice I've had from girl friends who have toddlers but my daughter is only 16 months old so reasoning with her, offering her a choice or explaining why she can't do something is pointless at the moment because she has no language skills and can't understand what we say.

I would love to hear from people who have children who started tantruming at an earlier age like mine as to what they did.

Am I destined to have a longer tantrum period or is my daughter getting them out the way early?