mrs. w. to be
Mar 31 2008, 09:36 AM
I saw a post similar to this one further down, but i had to have my rant.
WARNING: Could be long.
Me and my FH met in high school but we didnt actually start dating until he had left school. Now at the time we started dating he had a nice group of friends that i quickly became friends with. There was 2 friends in particular (twins) that i used to be friends with but they f***ed me over and i didnt particularly like them anymore but i tried my hardest to be nice for FH sake.
Anyway i noticed that my FH was very close to both of the twins and quite often they would be hugging (didnt bother me that much, they were friends). There was one night in particular when we were having a party that i walked in on them in the bedroom in quite a comprimising position. Anyway he appologised blamed it on the alcohol etc. All was fine till another party when i caught him kissing one of them again.
4 years have gone by and as far as i know he hasnt seen them, but last night i find out that he wants to invite them to the wedding. When i asked him why he wanted to invite someone that he hasnt seen in four years and that nearly broke us up, he decides it would be time to tell me that he has been talking to them quite regularly and going out with them (mind you he is going out with these girls while i have been home looking after our 3 children).
Anyway back to the topic at hand, he wants to invite them and when i told him that i wouldnt be comfortable with them being there he starts going on about how i am a controlling B***h and i never let him do what he wants and the argument got so bad that we started to bring parents into the argument saying that my mum doenst like him, but the "twins" parents like him.
Anyway he finally said that if i wasnt going to have them at the wedding he didnt want to marry me and of course after i heard that i went crazy. The argument ended in me throwing my engagment ring into the back garden and lockin my self in the bedroom. I still havent spoken to him but i am pretty sure the wedding is off.
I really dont know what to do. I guess this would have been better posted in a different topic.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Mar 31 2008, 07:05 PM
I don't know what to say. Hugs - I hope you are able to resolve this.
Mar 31 2008, 07:22 PM
Oh my goodness you poor thing. I hope you are able to work things out.
Massive hugs to you!!!!!!!!!
Mar 31 2008, 08:07 PM
Im so sorry to read this hon - is everything okay?
Mar 31 2008, 08:22 PM
why dont you invite them as their will be plenty of people their and the day will be on the two of you and everyone else will be talking with each other and that should be the end of it as after that the twins will know he is married and they should feel gilty if they want to do anything and if you want to keep him this is the easy way...
keep a bave face and smile as every thing will work out
May 25 2008, 02:34 PM
I hope you are able to resolve this issue maybe the old saying
"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer"
After reading your post again, i dont really know what to say.
Maybe Mr W needs to grow up and realise that giving you an ultimatium like that really doesnt cut it anymore.
May 27 2008, 11:47 PM
If you want some opinions on the relationship side of things there is a relationship section of the general chit chat part of this forum, some very wise ladies frequent it (just a thought - no offence meant)
Good on you for standing your ground. if you dont want them there (and i'd be the same) then dont have them there.
Its great that you and your h2b managed to get through some issues in your relationship involving these girls in the past, but the fact that he has betrayed your trust by seeing these girls behind your back whilst your looking after his children would be a huge issue for me.
Thinking of you xx
May 28 2008, 09:50 AM
I agree with Princessgirl you might get some better advise in the relationship section on this one.
I would just like to add that there is no way I would be having these women at my wedding. Especially with everything that happened in the past. I think you have to trust your instincts.
The whole issue with him defending their "friendship" by saying that their mother likes him better is just BS. He should not be using this against you. Its bad enough that he if seeing these girls behind your back. The fact that he hasn't mentioned it should be warning bells enough.
May 28 2008, 10:47 AM
Im a little mixed up.
Are you upset because you dont want these twins in your life and at your wedding? If so, then I have to say I am a little concerned that your missing the bigger picture.
Your H2B has been lying to you for 4 years. He has betrayed your trust and he has verbally abused you.
I can only go by what you have said in your post, so im not passing judgement, but please just be careful because from what you have said, this is not a healthy, loving and supportive relationship right now.
Jun 4 2008, 07:43 PM
I agree with Sachin.
I think this issue is bigger than inviting the twins to the wedding, or compromising by telling him he can cross two people off your list. This is really a minor detail in the big picture.
The big picture is that he has deceived you for all these years. Perhaps he hasn't lied to you (because it sounds like you've never asked him directly if he sees or has heard from them) but he has still misled you into thinking that his relationship with them (whatever it was) was over.
Why did he feel like he couldn't tell you he was still seeing them? Does he have something to hide? What else has he been keeping from you?
I honestly hope that you guys can work things out, but it sounds like there are some trust (and possibly fidelity) issues going on here that definitely need to be talked through and sorted out before you go any further.
Good luck, lovely. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
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