I know parents always say they don't have favourites but I honestly think in some cases this is a lie.
I never say it out loud but tonight he did (which I think is really saying something).
I feel we're treated differently by both sets of parents, I don't know if maybe it's because we're quite independent so don't rely on them as much as the others do or maybe it's something else or maybe i'm only seeing it in my own head (I don't know).
But sometimes it just gets to me a bit and I want to point it out so that they can see it.
Anyway, does this happen in other families?

Yep Hubby's parents openly say that the other two brothers are their favourites and so now that we all have just had children, it seems that their children get more time....dunno, will have to see how it pans out because hubby just said his piece to the parents about it.

It's been pretty horrible all round and I can't stand seeing hubby treated like a second rate child. Because he was a sick baby, his parents resented him. Sad isn't it? I just don't get it because I think he's the most wonderful person, as do most people he meets.

As I always say though, we're creating our own family and it will be something we make sure does not repeat itself.

Oh yes! I feel this all the time. My parents definitely prefer my brother. This is such an emotional topic for me I don't even know if I can type an answer that will make any sense.

It is something that I have had a hard time dealing with but I am slowly realising that there is nothing I can do to change it. He will always be the golden child because he is living the life they expected for him. I will always be the black sheep because I chose to do my own thing. (Mind you I am very successful and have a wonderful husband and I am infinetly happier than I could ever have been in the life they wanted for me)

I agree with what Gayle said we're creating our own family and it will be something we make sure does not repeat itself.

I still bloody hurts but I am learning that some things you just cannot change.

Yes I do feel like that. There are a few other issues associated but I have always been the second rate child. No matter what I did it never was good enough. My brother on the other hand can do no wrong EVER. When we were kids if he didn't do his chores (mum used to leave us list of things to do every day of the holidays - ironing etc) I would be the one to get into trouble.

Right now my mother appears to be living through him if that makes sense. He is doing things that she never was able to - because of me (I can't help it she fell pregnant).

Hubby's parents do try to treat us the same. But we aren't stupid. Hubby's sister and her mum and extremely close - scarily close - they ring each other at least every day and sometimes don't even speak but watch telly together.

Hubby and I are our own family. To his mum and sister they don't understand this that we love them yes, but we don't need them as such. Well not like they need each other. It makes us sound bad. But after what I experienced growing up feeling like a third class citizen in my own family, we focus on ourselves and the family we want. We would even go as far as to say our family consists of some really good friends we have made and are making

Nod. There's a reason I don't talk with my family anymore.

lets just say, we know exactly how you feel but not elaborate anymore

Yup!
With Klay's family we are quite clearley shunted out of everything - It is really obvious who the 'fave' sibling is, although no one ever cares to point it out or admit to it. Klay and I have just resorted to finding it very funny.
My family are awesome, since my mother and I have gotten over our difficulties, she has managed to find that healthy balance and include has all in her life together, which I believe she always struggled with. And it has made everyone alot happier.

My dad is constantly getting the poopies with me - for anything - and I most definately am treated different to any of his step children.
But at the end of the day - I have my own family - and I will always feel safe and secure in that.

I think my brother is the favourite child, particularly in my mother's case. She and I would argue like anything when I lived at home. That said I love my brother to bits and don't resent him for it, and my parents are still very. very good to me and have always been supportive.

My fiance's parents have two sons and don't seem to have favourites.

Ok, now you guys are making me feel guilty since I'm a bit of a favourite with my Dad.

I'm my Dad's only child from his first marriage and after my mum died it was just us for years. Dad remarried and I have 3 half sister ranging between 10 and 18 years younger than me. In some ways I get treated differently since I'm older and don't live at home and was an only child for so many years. Also I think Dad feels a bit guilty for moving overseas with them all for 4 years while I was still here going to uni.

Dad and Step Mum are helping with the wedding and they will most likely do it for the other girls but their weddings are far, far away considering they are all still at school. But now I'm worried that my sisters will resent me when they get married if they don't get the same treatment I'm getting

Yep another non favourite here, even though I ended up with the life they expected my brother and I to have, and my brother didn't, he is still the favourite. Despite my mum making comments when we were younger how she hated not being the favourite with her family and that she would never do that.
She used to live her life through my brother, and my brother treated my mum kind of as a wife/best friend, he told her everything, would ring or sms her to tell her stuff I would tell my hubby. Now he has a girlfriend he isn't talking to mum so much but have no idea how she is taking that, but will find out tonight when they fly over for a visit.

As for DH's family, same thing as a few others, we are a lot more independent than his brother and we don't make our life one big drama after another so his brother is much more important according to his parents. They also unfortunately play favourites with the grandkids too. They recently went overseas and got each of the grandkids a present (which wasn't expected and obviously we are grateful for anything) however, they obviously spent a lot of time on getting the oldest grandkid a couple of soccer team shirts for his favourite teams, the next oldest and youngest got some really pretty outfits (and they made sure to say just how expensive the outfits were), whereas Hayden and the second youngest grandkid got a $10 tourist shirt probably bought at the airport on their way home. They do the same thing at Christmas, birthdays etc. It is sad to see them do it, but I am just going to have to try and hide the fact from him for as long as possible...

bluenomi - if it helps I don't resent my brother for his favourite status, I actually have issues with my mum because of it. He can't help it if he can do no wrong according to her.

I'm another one who fully understands.

My older brother and his wife are well and truly the favourites of our family. And like you Becca, I feel like it is because we never ask for anything - we like to accomplish everything on our own - we have too much pride I think. Whereas my brother and his wife will ask my dad for everything under the sun and he will just hand it over.

Both me and my SIL are pregnant at the moment and my dad already has a favourite baby. He always asks about her pregnancy and talks about her and the baby all the time, whereas when it comes to me I seriously thinks he has forgotten I am pregnant most of the time.

My hubby cannot believe how differently my brother and I are treated by my dad and he is shocked and dumbfounded by it. I believe it is because I am female - dad isn't exactly sensitive to say the least so he finds it easier to deal with my brother who never talks about feelings.

But like hubby says, our own little family will be here soon and we can just start fresh and leave all the hurt behind us

My parents dont treat me and my brother any differently, we always joke that mum and dad hate us equally (they love us to bits and would do anything for us, it's a personal joke) H2B's family on the other hand clearly have their favourite and it isn't us and I have spoken up about it cause i hate to see how much it hurts H2B, although nothing was done about it.

First thing they hate me for one reason only, im too ethnic and second they've always treated H2B's sister better than H2B, she's a spoilt little brat, and throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way (she's 20) his mother does everything for her, paying off her car, waits on her hand and foot etc. H2B's mother barely speaks to him anymore and doesn't care that we're having a baby cause she already has 1 grandchild from her daughter, she doesn't need ours.

It hurts H2B but in the end we are starting our own family and atleast we know how NOT to treat our children and my family has accepted H2B like he is their own son/brother.

Oh Im hearing you on that one, a few months ago my Step mother decided to send me a few abusive emails, and I kindley told her to back off as I was in no state to be getting stressed ou t and upset over her crap.
Next thing you know my dad is accusing me of being 'precious' and telling me I need to stay laying in bed, coz I can't handle anything being pregnant, and how step sister was never like this, so I should rememebr Im not the only one in the world who is/has been pregnant??
This is his first biologcial grandchild, yet, all to easy to forget I exist or this child I am cooking.
Funniest thing is like you Klay and I never ask for anything off them. The other 6 children are always getting money off them, for bonds, for land deposits, coz they can't afford grocery's this week.
I asked dad once to come up and help us paint, and all of a sudden I am always demanding things, and forget there are 6 other children (actually how could I forget it is constantly thrown in my face)

wow, everyones stories in some respect are quite similar to my own.

I am the unfavoured child. And why, because I'm female.

Growing up my brother got whatever he wanted. He wanted a car so he was given the money to go get a car TWICE!
I purchased my own car. Although my parents did pay for me to go to uni so I can't complain too much.
And the main offenders aren't really my parents, its the grandparents.
My grandmother thinks he can do no wrong (she is the one that gave him all the money to buy the cars)
However I now see history repeating itself as my bro now has 2 kids - a little boy and a new baby girl. And the first thing out of my mothers mouth was oh she isn't as pretty as boy was when he was born. Then it was she doesn't look anything like our side of the family.

The poor kid, I can see it happening and I just don't want history to repeat itself, because I have lived in a different state to my family for the past 8 years and I have only visited them possibly 8 times.

Isn't it funny how when you feel all alone in this world, and you believe everyone else's families are so much better than yours, you read a few posts in here and you know that you're not the only one going through all this crap! Families are being mean all over the place.

Now if only we could figure out a way to make our whacko families normal

I sorta take a bit of comfort in it! It has taken alot of years to deal with my step mother and her attuide (even if she denys it) towards me...sometimes I still don't feel 100% - and resent my father for his behaviour towards me.
But to see other girls with similiar problems...well I guess Im not so bad after all

I hear you. Tea.Green knows about my family as I asked her for help a little while back. No need to go into details here.

I guess you can't pick the family you were born into, but at least you can pick your partner and start your only family.

Wow, I am so so lucky. With my mum (and step dad) I would say no way, there is no favourite, mum is completely equal with everything. Of course there is differences, like I think cause I am a girl we are closer in the way we talk about almost everything (we are relaly close), but there is definately no favourite.

With H2Bs fam, I don't think he really sees it, or cares, but his sister gets a lot more favoured than him or his brother. Like they will buy her fancy birthday presents, and will pay for her when they go out, and the boys never get this. But as I said, he doesn't really mind.

With my parents there's no difference between how my sister and I are treated.
With my nanna (mum's mum) there is definete bias towards the boys.
H2B's parents are def bias towards his sister.
I wont go into detail but it has recently gotten worse with his parents splitting up recently. (tho H2B doesn't speak to his dad anymore & as far as I know, neither does his sister)

It's made a little bit easier by the fact that they're on the east coast & we're west coast

Em

Hee hee, this reminds me of my step mums family. She is one of 6 kids, 3 girls and 3 boys. Their mum favoured (and still does favour) the boys over the girls but karma got her back. She has 9 granddaughters and no grandsons!

Absolutely, it happens in my family too. As an example: My mother babysits my sisters children nearly every day, but she can go a whole month without even visiting Isaac, let alone giving him the constant attention my sisters children receive from her. (We live 10 mins away from her). I have always known my sister is the font of perfection in my parents eyes and I am the one that is the source of disappointment no matter what I do, it has always been and will always be that way.

My parents are great, they treat me well and I am grateful for everything they do, but all things are not equal, that's for sure.

I genuinely feel awful for everyone who's on the poor receiving end of this kind of behaviour/treatment. I actually find it really upsetting.

No need to comment on my own situation here, but I'm really sorry to read some of these posts.

On a more positive note, it's really lovely to see that you've all managed to turn the negativity around and concentrate on your own family's happiness. It's great when yoiu can transcend family crap ! Kudos to all of you xxx

I think my sister is the favourite. It's because she has kids and I do not. She has relied on my parents
for financial help in the past too. Its funny, she was the rebel, quit polytech, got pregnant at 16 etc etc whereas I am living the 'ideal' life. Just because we didn't go and get UTD 3 times, suddenly our overseas holidays (etc) are extravagant!

They see and talk to her everyday but then she lives closer.

My parents are jealous of me and make snide comments about money as me and hubby have way more than them. Whoop de do!


But if you talk to my sister she may tell you I am the golden girl!

My mum and I have a great relationship, but I do feel that my two younger sisters are the favourites.

I moved out of home to go to uni on the other side of the state at seventeen, and my two sisters still live at home. I think it's just a proximity thing.