Jul 5 2007, 11:55 AM
When I took my H2B to meet my parents for the first time my half sister (Father's daughter from a previous marriage and seventeen years older than me) came along. Long story short, after that weekend my sister no longer speaks to me. I have made numerous attempts to mend the rift (even though I don't believe I have done anything to upset at her or to deserve her silence) but on EVERY occasion she shuts me down and refuses to speak to me about it. I invited her to the engagement party (I should say she lives in Sydney and my parents and I live in Queensland) and she came. The whole night I was cranky and upset and felt like I couldn't go up to my family's table because she was sitting there. I was awkward and uncomfortable the whole night she didn't speak to me the whole night (nor my fiancee) not even to congratulate me.
Since the engagement party I have again tried to apologise for whatever she thinks I have done but she simply refuses to tell me what I have done to her.
Now we're planning the wedding and I don't know whether or not to invite her. My parents have told me they will understand either way (they have no idea why she is angry at me either and feel that her behaviour, when my H2B met them for the first time, was horrible.) My H2B doesn't want her at the wedding because he has seen how upset I am over this. I don't know what to do. I need advice.
* Kylie *
Jul 5 2007, 12:13 PM
My first question would be, do you want a relationship with her in the future?
If you do, I would invite her. It's only one person, but if you leave her off the list, you could almost kiss the relationship goodbye.
That would be what it comes down to for me, if I was making the decision.
I know your H2B doesn't want you to invite her, but she's your sister, and it's the relationship between the two of you at stake.
Jul 5 2007, 12:18 PM
I think be the bigger person and invite her and if doesn't attend that is her issue not us. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it if she isn't willing to speak to you about it.
Jul 5 2007, 12:26 PM
I didn't vote, because I don't think it's my place to make a judgement such as this.
It really is a catch 22 isn't it and a very difficult issue to discuss without knowing all the history. i feel for you and have no idea what I'd be doing in your circumstances. I'd be saying perhaps between now and the wedding try and discuss things with her. Explain how uncomfortable you felt at the e party because of her behaviour and that you do not want to feel angry/hurt/frustrated (anything bar happy) at you wedding. Be blunt to her and let her know you have no idea why she is behaving in this manner. If you try to mend the relationship and she choses not to respond appropriately, you can then at least not invite her knowing you've done all you can to mend things.
Jul 5 2007, 12:26 PM
I voted not to invite her. It's her own doing and my husbands wishes for not wanting her there would be more important. You don't want to be stressed on your big day. JMO. Good luck.
Jul 5 2007, 12:26 PM
I put don't invite her. If it is giong to impact so negatively on your day, then no. Believe me, your wedding day is the ONE day where you want to be surrounded by love and happiness, and not have a single moment of unhappiness / uncomfortable situations.
Maybe if you think it's a bit harsh to not invite her, try one last time (and make it clear this is your last attempt at having the relatoinship you once had/want to have with her) and if she will still not get past whatever is bothering you, don't invite her.
Jul 5 2007, 12:32 PM
I wouldn't invite her. I think you've tried your best to make amends and if you felt uncomfortable at your engagement, then you certainly don't want to feel that way at your wedding! Perhaps write her a note and tell her why you're not inviting her if you feel that is appropriate, I'm not sure how it would go down. What more could you do in this case though?
Jul 5 2007, 12:44 PM
I voted dont invite her.
I think it was great that you took the step to invite her to your engagement party, but since she came and then had the nerve to not even congratulate you or your HB2, I would be washing my hands of her if I were you.
That is just my opinion of course. Good luck chicky, I am sure your wedding day will turn out perfect with or without her.
Jul 5 2007, 01:30 PM
I voted - Invite her.
At the end of the day its your decision. But she is family regardless of her actions of late.
If she decides to come then thats her decision. She could always use the excuse of it being an interstate wedding.
Jul 5 2007, 01:37 PM
i voted to not invite her, as you have done a lot to mend the relationship between you, and she still doesnt want to know you.
i look at the people we are inviting to our wedding as people who will be in our future, and we refused to invite people just because we had to.
I put not inviting her, unless she tells you what is bothering her. If it can be mended then yes invite her but she seems to be not open for mending the relationship between you two.
If she acted that way at your engagement party and you felt left out...do you really want to feel like that on YOUR wedding day? I know I wouldn't. I wouldn't want anyone attending my wedding if they were going to upset me on purpose.
Also if my hubby didn't want someone there I would seriously consider not inviting them for his sake too. He doesn't need to feel left out because she has a chip on her shoulders and isn't mature enough to tell you so it could be fixed.
Jul 5 2007, 03:58 PM
I say don't invite her, so dar you have been the bigger person and tried and she just doesnt seem to be. You want to be 100% happy on your big day and she might just ruin it.
Jul 5 2007, 04:10 PM
I would send the invitation. If she chooses to accept, put her at a table far away from you!!!!!
Jul 5 2007, 04:51 PM
can your dad maybe talk to her, (since you're not getting anywhere) and find out what ehr issues are? I voted yes to invite her and be the bigger person. you dont have to talk to her on the day or deal with her crap. its your wedding, so you should enjoy it. sometimes the best revenge is showing people how happy you really are. stick it back at them i say!
Jul 5 2007, 05:17 PM
I voted dont invite her. If her being at your engagement party made you uncomfortable you don't want that at your wedding.
Jul 5 2007, 10:18 PM
I voted 'Dont invite her', only based on what you have told us.
Give her another opportunity to work this out with you first, see if your parents can speak to her.
If you do want a relationship with her in the future though, you should invite, because not inviting her will be the straw that breaks the camels back.
good luck with your decision.
Jul 5 2007, 10:29 PM
Normally iwould say be the bigger person and invite her. But in this case i say dont invite here. She already upset you and was ridiculously rude to you at your engagement, you dont want the same thing happening again at your wedding.
Whatever you decide i hope its for the best
Jul 7 2007, 11:19 PM
My advice, is to do what you want & don't worry about what you think "the right thing to do" is. It's your day, & if her presence is going to spoil it in anyway, then don't invite her. Alternatively if you want her to be there, invite her, & then the decision is up to her.
My hubby has 2 step sisters, both quite a bit older, only one of which we invited, and not because of any fighting, but just because we don't have anything to do with her and didn't see the relevance of having her there on our special day.
Just remember, do whatever will make your day the most stress free & enjoyable for you
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