Ok, there are a couple of people i'm inviting (they may not even come) who will have had bubs very close to our wedding day (one is due 6 weeks before, another 2 weeks before), I would totally not expect them to leave their babies at home so soon after being born.

In saying that my FBIL and FSIL will have a 6 month old who judging by their wedding will be old enough to be left with somebody else (my 6 month old was too old to attend theirs, I was quite offended), my H2B says if one baby comes they all have to, I told him there is a difference between a 2 week old and a 6 month old but he won't hear of it.

My H2B says "people" will crack it (I know he's talking about his brother) because others will have babies and it should be all or nothing.

Should I just say to everybody bring your bubs? I don't care if there are babies there or not really but my FBIL and FSIL really upset me by not including my son and I know tit for tat is so primary school but i'd like them to know how I felt on their big day leaving my baby at home from a "family" function.

I'm with you, a 2 week old baby is a lot different to a 6 month old - and I'm pretty spiteful, if they didn't let me bring my baby to their wedding, they wouldn't be bringing their baby to mine

We haven't invited any kids, but I have told my friends with young bubs they can bring them if they need to.

Im with Kir.

In the end its your day, your way.

DITTO

There is a differance.

Tell H2B, he can be the one to look after them.

Its your Day, do what makes YOU happy.

I would set a rule like "Babies under three months" or something. The baby will be better off at home.

We had a 2 week old at our reception & my very well behaved 3 y/o niece who was a flower girl. The baby did not make a peep, he slept through the whole thing. Although we 'banned' all children from our reception, I would not dream of asking a mother not to bring a new born, they have different needs to a toddler or even a 6 month old.

This was just me & my situation, as Mrs F said

In the end its your day, your way.

I think is a great pre-wedding mantra

Im the same.

We have a few people who have babies that will be under 6 months old at the wedding and i have said that if they wish they can bring their babies, but the only one who wants to is my SIL. Which is fair enough, but i think she is planning on getting her friend to pick her up and take her home after the family pictures.

If your fiance won't hear of the 2-week v 6-month difference then perhaps you need to gently remind your fiance that his brother and his wife were a bitch about not inviting his very own 6-month old flesh and blood to their precious wedding. The FIL just needs a dose of their own medicine. Tit for tat as you have said. They didn't care about you, why should you care about them.

I had 2 babies at my wedding, a 2 week old and a 12 week old (I think) and there were no evidence that they were there apart from their baby capsules which I didn't even notice until the parents came up to say goodbye.

hmm it's a difficult question.. we are having a no kids reception, and have let that generally be known..

We've also approached the people with kids and babies and spoken to them about it.. If someone is breastfeeding, it may be very difficult for mother and bub to leave bub at home.. we are in a situation where we have a hotel on site, and so a few people have talked about the idea of hiring a room and someone to baby sit, so the babies/parents can be close to eachother etc..

Luckily, all parents in our family/circle of friends have babies that are at least 9-12 months old at the time of our wedding, so we don't anticipate it will be a huge issue for a lot of people.

I'm the same as Kir, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If they did it to me, I would most certainly do it to them if I had/need to.

How about NOT "your day, your way"? That has "bridezilla" written ALL OVER IT.

How about the slightly less catchy "treat others how you like to be treated", which I would have thought was with grace, kindness and courtesy?

Personally I wouldn't be motivated out of spite. But I would look inside yourself and see what it is you REALLY want on your wedding day. ie. Pretend that they never had a wedding and you never had the chance to be upset about not having your bubby there. How would you feel about their 6 month old being there now? Then you'll get your answer.

6 months is WAY different to a few weeks. 6 month olds want to explore and do things and they are getting teeth and are gernerally pretty crummy because they can't get up and do the things they want to. Newborns should be invited - Mums and new bubs are a package deal!

We said no kids, but there were 2 babies under 3 months there, which I was fine about. A fully breastfed new born is much different from a 6 month old. If I had a wedding to go to now, I would leave Audrey with someone if I could.

No offence...but I get really sick and tired of seeing posts like this. So what if she's a newbie??? She's still entitled to her opinion. I've seen numerous posts like this throughout various threads and being relatively a newbie myself it's both unwelcoming and makes me feel that 'our' posts don't count.

I do think that in these situations it 's hard to please everyone and you never will. Ultimately you need to be happy on the day because it's a very important day for you and your partner. Just don't do anything out of spite which you may regret later.

Bel

Thanks, Bel, your support is appreciated. You took the words out of my mouth.

As had been said many times on this board over the last 2+ years I've been a member, when you post a message asking for advice, you are inviting all advice - whether you agree with it or not. Do we need to go over the Rissa saga again??

Keeping in mind that the OP did mention in the thread title that she was being "a nasty witch", she probably wasn't expecting everyone to say that they totally agreed with her.

Thanks for the apology. I really don't think 'newbies' go out there to have a field day on members and on the same note you don't really 'know nothing about' the newbie you posted about?

I certainly didn't say that you are not entitled to your opinion becuase that's my exact point... EVERYONE is entitled to their opnion, newbie or not.

Bel

I can see how you would think that I am acting like a BRIDEZILLA but I am not really making a big deal out of it, just stated my case and left it at that.

As for treating how I would like to be treated, I saw how my son (even though he was a "small" part of the family at that stage) was not included in their day, I don't think they acted with grace, kindness and courtesy.....

AND IT REALLY JACKED ME OFF!

It was the first time I had left him with somebody else and felt awful doing it, even though he is too young to remember it, I do.

I totally see your point, Becca. To clarify, I did not call you a bridezilla. I said that taking on the motto "your day, you way" might lead to bridezilla behaviour.

I don’t blame you for considering how you want to handle the situation and for spiteful ideas crossing your mind. Everyone would do that. And it sounds like your relatives didn’t treat you how they would like to be treated. But the key thing is that you are now in control - it is your wedding, and you are in control of how you plan it. I was suggesting that you rise above your relatives’ actions and treat them with grace, kindness and courtesy, even if that's not how they treated you.

"Breasfeeding babies only welcome" might be a good line in the sand? or "newborns only"?

There IS a big difference.

And I agree with your day your way cos there is no way you will please everyone so you may as well please yourself.

Good luck x



Sorry but just FTR alisoncray this ^^^ isn't actually what you said but is worded better. It wasn't a stretch to think you were calling her a bridezilla as that is how I read it just fyi!

Ok...back to the original question, I went through this with some of our friends and I felt some were upset and thought their 2 and 3 yr olds were welcome. We had to politely tell them no.

Do what you want and choose whats best for you on the day.

I will add that the ones who were told not to bring babies/toddlers brought them to the church and I was furious. The last thing I wanted was to walk down the aisle to a screaming child which did happen but we waited until they walked out... I had a friend who came to the church as she couldn't make it to the wedding reception and she saw all the children there and thought I had said no to just hers. She didn't speak to me for 3 weeks until I figured out why and I appoligized saying I was annoyed at the parents who did bring their children and thanked her for respecting my wishes.

I totally agree I know it is hard not to be spiteful, but it isn't worth fighting with your Hubby. And I would make a note of it in front of everyone that you were so glad that hubby's entire family could be there even his 6 month old nephew.



That is really rude I would be so cranky as well

well as to the original post -

I think that you are quite justified in being angry about the situation and i think most of us would feel the same way, but i would suggest that perhaps some gracious and firm ways of dealing with the situation would be

- to mention in the invitations that you would appreciate parents making arrangements for their children to be cared for on the night so that they (and you) can enjoy the night without the concerns of having to look after, keep quiet and put to bed, the children, but of course you understand that this may not be possible for those with babies under 3 months old.

- to politely say to your FSIL "i am soo looking forward to being able to spend some adult time with you at our wedding - have you booked a sitter for little xxxx yet? i could give you the number of the one we used for our little xxx when we came to your wedding if you like"

i think a good dose of their own medicine will make you feel better immediately - but delivering it in an elegant way will keep you feeling better permanently!

Personally if we were inviting 2 week and 6 week old babies we would invite all babies/kids, but hey that's just my opinion. At the end of the day, it's yours and your hubbie's special day so only you two should decide. You can never keep everyone happy as there will always be someone that has a problem with it, but like I said, it's your day so do what you want

We're having kids/babies but we don't have many friends with young-ens! My nephews will be 3 & 4 and I will have two 1 year olds there, and two babies under 6 months. My other nephews will be 10 & 9 and my youngest Brother in law will be 11, however you don't need to really worry about the older kids I guess. Our wedding is very relaxed though and it's quite understandable people not wanting this for their wedding.

I hope you work something out between your H2B and don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing somethng you don't want to do!

We had a 5 month old and a 14 month old at our wedding. To be honest I didn't even notice they were there. Both slept through the majority of the reception.

The eldest one then made an appearance on the dance floor towards the end of the night, which everyone thought was very cute. By that time I didn't care as long as people were enjoying themsleves.

As posted in another thread - we're doing kids by invite only. This means some kids will be invited (those we know will be ok and whose parents are able to look after them) and some kids wont (those who can't be controlled or whose parents choose to drink instead of looking after their children). If anyone doesn't like it - tough titties. yes this is totally bridezilla but its also about not having kids screaming constantly through the ceremony/reception ( I would love to just say all come, but not about to compromise my ceremony for it).

Good luck whichever way you go.

I don't believe there is much difference between a newborn and a 6 month old. 6 month old babies can still be breastfed.

I'd invite the baby. Who cares what she did for her wedding.

We had decided on a no kids wedding, but at the time had 7mth old twin niece/nephew that my SIL was having feeding problems with. We had both our ceremony & reception at Potters, so we organised with them that the babies would be there earlier on during the ceremony & during the time in between until pre-dinner drinks started, and then my SIL's inlaws came and looked after them in one of the accommodation suites, which was made available at no extra charge. That way, they could be breastfed just before the reception started, and if there were any probs, mum was on hand and the in laws just had to call up to reception. (They also let us have another suite to use during the reception time for our elderly Nan so she could go & lie down once it got too late - they were fantastic, because otherwise we may not have been able to have her there.)
- Anyway, that may be a compromise, be there for the earlier part, that way they are there for family photos or for other family members to see them, but then arrange for them to be looked after for the later part.

Do you not want her son there because yours wasn't invited or because you don't want the child there?
If it hurt your feelings so much to have your son not invited, do you want to do the same to her?
If your reasons are 'tit for tat' (from your post I am not sure if they are or not) then I think you will regret it later as she will be your SIL for a long time.
I think Alisoncray makes a very good point treat others how you would like to be treated.
I am a bit confused as to some of the advice and maybe in my head I'm merging different advice together. But on one hand people are saying do what you want it's your day and then on the other people are saying get her back by not inviting her child as far as I understand all she did was 'do what she wanted on HER day.'
Just my opinion, I hope it works out for you

We are having 1 child at our wedding, that will be our 11 month old grandaughter.
I had to tell my sister no children at our wedding and she was thrilled, she said she loved
going out these days to places that had a " no kid policy". We would love to have invited
kids as well but it is the cost factor that stopped us. I don't personally believe in "tit for tat"
as I believe karma will come back and bite you in the butt !!

Good luck with whatever you decide

ditto re: karma

if you dont want children there, dont have children. I think a cut off at 12 weeks or whatever is quite reasonable. But if you're not inviting him as 'revenge' for how awful you felt... well, no matter how much people hurt you, why would you intentionally set them up to feel as awful as you felt? I think that's pretty darn nasty.


And I want to say for the record, at the end of the day it's not just YOUR day, it's also your new Husband's day too. So I think his opinion should be respected and considered just as equally as your own.