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 Suicide, How do you cope 6 years on? |
| Bubbly_Bride007 |
  Feb 24 2005, 10:57 PM
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#1
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My friend Sarah comitted suicide 6 yrs this May. I still haven't delt with it. I was not allowed to go to her funeral as her mother banned any friends.
I still find myself bawling my eyes out sometimes. I just have never really gotten over it. Any advice? She was cremated and her mother has her ashes in adelaide so I can't even visit her. so depressed right now. Jen |
 
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| Bubbly_Bride007 |
Feb 24 2005, 10:59 PM
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#2
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| kayla_kat |
Feb 24 2005, 11:05 PM
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#3
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 Invisible  Group: avid user Posts: 11,286 Joined: 5-June 04 Member No.: 867 |
Hi hon. It is an awful thing to experience. I have been thorugh it too. I think given the time that has passed see counsellor. Why not make a place u can go to talk to her? Like plant a tree in her memory rose bush?
I dont think either that we always need somewhere to go to remember. I find myself talking to georgie all the time. When we are doing things that remind me of her, I might glance up at the sky and go Georgie I know u'd love this smile and go on. You friend would want you to remember her, but also to live you life, if not for you but for her. Pm me if you want to chat I do understand --------------------   |
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| StarJam |
Feb 24 2005, 11:11 PM
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#4
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 Formally Celestial Strawberry Group: avid user Posts: 2,925 Joined: 22-October 04 From: Sydney Member No.: 1,940 |
I have never had to go through what you are going through but I have lost some one very dear to my heart. My father. He passed away when I was 8 and I remember him clearly. I still talk to him from time to time and all I can say is that time is a healer.
What also helps is if you talk to someone who understands. Whether it’s a friend or a counsellor, you need to get it out… Grief, or any other upset should not be held inside… A Huge Hug to you Hun, J x --------------------  |
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| pennycakes |
Feb 24 2005, 11:16 PM
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#5
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 toot-toot! Group: avid user Posts: 1,949 Joined: 30-March 04 From: Penrith, NSW Member No.: 484 |
grief is an evolving process, and not everyone goes through the stages in a set period of time and that is that.
my friend's sister committed suicide nearly 2 years ago, and even though i wasn't close to her it certainly cut deeply and makes me cry every time i think about it. i don't think she has to be physically present for you to be with her. after all, your body is just a shell to house your soul - it is not all that you are. -------------------- |
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| Bubbly_Bride007 |
Feb 24 2005, 11:18 PM
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#6
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It is so difficult to let go.. I don' know how... I jst find myself deep in a depression puddle sometime about her... She was 17 and far too young to die! I was at my dad's 40th birthday having a ball when she was in a hotel room killing herself... it eats me alive!
So sorry to bring this on you girls I just don't knwo what to do. Kayla  thank you |
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| kayla_kat |
Feb 24 2005, 11:22 PM
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#7
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Invisible Group: avid user Posts: 11,286 Joined: 5-June 04 Member No.: 867 |
No worries!!! I was going out with the brother of Georgie, at the time, he was the one who found her, and I knew her very well even before I was invloved with her brother. It kills me cause I go to the cemetry and the wasy it all happened her parent are still angry at her and she has no grave stone nothing, THATS what kills me.
The dont realise what they do to those they leave behind. HUGS it takes awhie before you can really go on, and you never completely get over it. -------------------- |
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| Bubbly_Bride007 |
Feb 24 2005, 11:25 PM
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#8
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I know sarah didn't mean to hurt anyone... But like you say it's hard for us left behind!
Why did your friend do it? Sorry if that's too personal. Sarah had a drug issue and felt she didn;t want to burden anyone with it. Felt she would have let everyone down.... I would love to volunteer for a suicide prevention group like yellow ribbon foundation but I feel I am not good to them till I can deal with this. |
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| kayla_kat |
Feb 24 2005, 11:29 PM
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#9
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Invisible Group: avid user Posts: 11,286 Joined: 5-June 04 Member No.: 867 |
That'd be nice, but dont do it cause you feel guilty. A lot of us feel guilty - "I shouldve know" "I shoud have done this ect".
As for Georgie, well it was drug related. I'd rather pm you about the story so I am fair to her and her family. Or add me to msn if u like kayla_kat_20@hotmail.com I only use that for msn -------------------- |
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| pennycakes |
Feb 24 2005, 11:31 PM
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#10
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toot-toot! Group: avid user Posts: 1,949 Joined: 30-March 04 From: Penrith, NSW Member No.: 484 |
I don't mean to sound patronising, but unless you've worked yourself up to that point where you're about to kill yourself - you don't really understand what's going through that person's head. Obviously everyone's different, but...yeah. It's not a nice place to be in, but at the time you can't see your future so you don't realise the implications of what you're doing. -------------------- |
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| Bubbly_Bride007 |
Feb 24 2005, 11:32 PM
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#11
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ahh don't have MSN but would love a PM...
I would love to help people in my position(our position).. help them through maybe talk to kids about it... I feel really passionate.. I can't bare the thought of someone else feeling this pain! |
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| Bubbly_Bride007 |
Feb 24 2005, 11:36 PM
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#12
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I completely know where you are coming from... on a more personal note I have been there... and I know... I know sarah in a concious state would never hurt anyone deliberately and in her letter she said she wanted to free us from her pain and her problems... she felt a burden... |
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| Leesha |
Feb 25 2005, 04:37 AM
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#13
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 Part of the Furniture Group: avid user Posts: 8,455 Joined: 17-June 04 From: Adelaide Member No.: 922 |
Oh Jen,
I am terribly sorry, this must have been so hard on her family and yourself. I really like the idea of Kayla's about planting a tree in memory of her and going there to "be" with her... I guess one of the first things you need to know sweet is you are definately not alone (Kayla for one understands!) there are probably other people who are dealing with the loss as well. The best thing you can do for yourself in my opinion is to TALK ABOUT IT. Talking is probably the best therapy, especially if it is with someone who is going through the same thing. I understand it's not easy talking about topics like this especially when you are still so very upset about it, but believe me, I have been through a traumatic experience and that happened years ago but I'm still coming to terms with it too.... some days I cope, other days are instant reminders and I break down crying, but as hard as it is, I have found when I made the move the speak to a counsellor after my inisital appointment I walked out of there feeling like I could breathe again, and I felt so much better. If you are having trouble coping, you should find someone to talk to, if you don't know anyone who would understand where you are coming from or truely understand the pain you are going through, you may have to talk to a professional,a counsellor, or you can maybe call one of the crisis lines, most of these are toll free calls, and totally confidential. In the end Jen you don't want to end up so depressed that thoughts of ending your own life may come into your head, you've got to keep a healthy mind and happy life, this is want your friend would have wanted, right? Chin up darl, I'm here if you wanna pm! Btw, I tried to look at the website you did on your friend but I couldn't see it Other than that sweet I really don't have any other advice, I am sure the other girls will give you some great advice  -------------------- |
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| lazuli |
Feb 25 2005, 08:29 AM
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#14
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 Part of the Furniture Group: avid user Posts: 5,856 Joined: 16-July 04 From: Canberra Member No.: 1,142 |
hey Jen,
I think the idea of volunteering in the suicide prevention group - go and chat to them anyway, and be honest that you're still working through some of your own responses to it - you may find that hearing other people's stories helps you, if you can help other people, it might give you some peace... who knows - the group may appreciate a volunteer who is still touched by the tragedy.. hmm... don't think i'm phrasing my words right - basically, go and have a chat with their volunteer managers - they will know if it's the right time for you to get involved or not... best of luck. -------------------- |
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| *Ali_T* |
Feb 25 2005, 11:11 AM
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#15
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 i am what i am Group: avid user Posts: 1,949 Joined: 27-February 04 From: Depends on state of mind Member No.: 271 |
Ohhh Jen you precious petal, i feel your pain. I too had a friend who committed suicide. ( about 9 years ago). I was at her house when it happend and i called 000 for her parents (not that they could do anything).
I was lucky (if you call it lucky) that her mum included me in all the funeral arrangements, and i still have contact with her family. Although her dad has never spoken to me since. My friends i use to always go to her grave, we left a cards and flowers often. Some people may thing that was un healthy but it was our way to grieve. To be honest i think you weren't given the proper opportunity to grieve, i agree you need to find something special that represents her. Whether a tree or somewhere quiet you can talk to her. Don't be affraid to yell at her, and express how you feel. Some people maynot agree with me, but it helped me through the process. I think you should go the the suicide support, talk to them, you may not be ready to help other people yet, but they can help you, and with time you will be helping others. Many hugs and happy moment for you jen. Pm if you ever need to chat some more I apoligise if i offend anyone with my thoughts, i mean no harm -------------------- |
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