If you could have picked your family composition (number, order, gender and spacing kids) what would it be? Options

[***Jo***]

I guess there is a part of me that always wanted a little girl, especially as I had always wanted a sister. Perhaps there is a daughter out there for me, but what will be will be.

I just always wanted to be a mum. So I was thrilled when I fell pregnant. Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, but also the most richest and rewarding experience I have ever had.

I had a rough start to Liam's first year and my health wasn't that great, so this is why I'm not so keen to jump into getting pregnant just yet. I think we will make a decision soon though, but two for us is fine. I always wanted a big age gap though. Two close together I couldn't do.

[MsGems]

I generally thought that I'd like to have two children, a boy then a girl, about two years apart. I'd even decided what age I'd have them at when I was with my ex-husband

In reality, I had my darling girl first, and know that she'll be a fabulous big sister one day.
There will most likely be a 3-4 year gap between Penny and a sibling, which I'm happy with. It's also highly likely that I'll have a boy next as there are very few females in OH's family (he's the youngest of 6 and has only 1 sister, and I think his dad doesn't have any sisters) and I'm happy with that.
I don't know if I'll have any more than 2, but my personal preference would be to be finished having children by 35.

If for some reason I am not blessed with any more children, then I will just have to accept that that's what is meant to happen.

[goodgirl]

I always pictured we'd have two kids, a boy and a girl, a few years apart. Now that I've had one boy, I'd be just as happy to have another one just the same. I also think we will start TTC earlier than originally planned and may even have a third if #2 is as easy a baby as #1.

[aChocLover]

Prior to falling pregnant, I had no preconceived ideas, at all. In fact, I was convinced I didn't want children.

When I became pregnant, I desperately wished for a boy. My preferences were largely fuelled by the relationships DH had with his (now adult) children. His son was the black sheep & didn't have a close relationship with DH at all. His daughter on the other hand, was really close. I think I wanted a boy to replace that missing bond for DH. I was also terrified of DH not being able to love another daughter in the same way he loved his 1st daughter. Silly - yes, but something that caused me great concern.

DH wanted a sibling for DD1 and really that's the only reason we went back for #2. Gender wasn't important (but I would still have loved a little boy). The age gap mirrors the age gap of DH's adult children. I hope DD1 & DD2 have the same close relationship that they enjoy. There's 7 years between my sister & I and I feel as if we're not even related.

[chelley]

Before I fell pregnant I wanted 4 children ideally a boy, then twins (what was I thinking ) ad then a girl.

After a horrendous pregnancy with severe HG and then Miss A being born premmie I told everybody we were only having one baby.

I would love Raya to have a sibling but I dread the idea of being pregnant again plus I had post natal anxiety following her birth. We will try for one more and now I hope I have a little boy. I don't want the comparison that can happen between two girls and I would like the experience of having a son. However I really wanted a girl and so was thrilled to have Aurelia first.

Even if I had had a wonderful pregnancy I still wanted a 4 year age gap.

[*Simone*]

I didn't go into TTC with too many ideas, except that we would have two children about two years apart.

When we first started TTC the first time round secretly I hoped for a boy. I don't know why, I just really wanted a son for our firstborn. I thought he was too, while I was pregnant, and it turned out I was right. I felt really selfish in a way hoping for one over the other, and of course I would've adored a girl too, when all that really matters when it comes down to it that I got a healthy baby. At 12 months old we decided to try again, with the expectation to get the 2 year gap. Daniel had been an easy baby so I had no real qualms about going back again.

Second time round we fell pregnant in the first month of TTC which was a bit of a surprise (it took us 4 months to conceive the first time) but I felt ready. I wasn't that fussed this time round whether it was a boy or girl. As the pregnancy has wore on I find myself hoping for another boy. I think I just like the idea that D will have a brother so close to his own age to play with.
I feel within myself it's another boy, my pregnancy so far has been exactly the same as it was with Dan.

At this stage, I acknoweldge just how lucky we have been so far with our children. The only thing now is, I am struggling with the idea that this child will be my last. I just don't feel my family is complete yet, but DH is reluctant to go for more. I am content to see how things go when this baby arrives, but if I could have my choice I would have one more several years down the track, when the current baby is at least 3-4 years old. I have got DH to at least be open to the idea, when hopefully our life circumstances are a bit better. So I guess now if I could pick I would have three children, two boys and one more boy/girl (perhaps a girl so I can have one daughter) the first two with the 22 month gap we have and a few years down the track one more.

[Channy]

I always wanted 2 and always pictured myself with at least 1 girl. I was aiming for a 2.5-3 year gap.

Seems that we don't always get what we wish for and having a 2nd child is proving a challenge. The gap is blowing out. But I don't care, all I want is a healthy baby one day soon when the stork remembers my address...

[greenwich]

If you'd asked me pre kids, I wanted 3 - boy, boy, girl - and fairly close in age. This was for no better reason than I always wanted an older brother, and wanted more than 2 kids (as I'm one of two and my sister and I fought a fair bit when younger despite being close in age).

Now I've had my first, a little girl, who I found very challenging. For a long time she was going to be an only child! However I adore being the mother of a little girl.

We're pregnant with number 2 and a boy would be cool as then I'd have one of each, but I'd love another girl, and not just for the chance to use all those gorgeous clothes that my daughter has barely worn. We're pretty sure that 2 is it for us at this stage - DH has an age limit where he wants us to be finished with having kids, which is roughly 2 years after #2 is due.

[~Kita~]

Like nephthys I just can't see myself as a mother of a little girl. Growing up I was always a tomboy and still am to an extent. I've always said I don't think I could do a little girl justice. However I love the relationship I have with my mum and would love that if I had a daughter.

But honestly i've always wanted 3 boys (some might call me crazy ) but we have settled on 2 children to give them the best we can. Especially after having a boy I would love him to have a brother with about a 2.5yr age gap.

We are probably looking at a larger gap as DS was a suprise and we still have plans for our wedding and buying a house and would like to be settled in before TTC another. We'd just be happy with another healthy bub as i'm sure everyone would be

[**flowerrose**]

I wanted two - boy then girl two years apart. Or I wanted two girls two years apart but I definitely wanted my girl. After Sophie was born I got more married to the two girls idea and we had a name picked out. We found out Ethan was a boy somewhat by mistake on the scan (he takes after his father ) and we actually had a bit of gender disappointment. Of course I wouldn't have it any other way now.

I originally wanted a boy first because I have some pop psychology idea about older brothers to girls making better men because they're used to looking after their sisters.

For a while I was broody for a third but it passed and I feel that my family is complete now.

[Allee]

I don't think I could possibly have picked any better than what we have been given. Growing up I always wanted two kids, a boy then a girl, 3 years apart - and that's exactly what we have.

When pregnant with #1 though I did think it would be a girl (before we found out the sex), and when pregnant with #2 I was thinking it would probably be another boy (we tried to but couldn't find out the sex) - I was wrong on both occasions!

I've thrown a bit of a spanner in to the works now though and told hubby I want a third baby. He's said no, and if we don't have any more I'll still be over the moon with the two we have and I pinch myself every day because I can't believe how lucky we are, and I wonder if I'd be pushing my luck going for a third, but I'm starting to think a third would make our family complete.

ETA: And if we did have that third baby I have no idea what gender I would pick! Maybe another girl? I would probably have a slightly bigger age gap between #2 and #3 though, probably more like 4 years.

[**** Sarah and Adam ****]

When we TTC Hamish I just wanted a baby, we fell pregnant and I had no concept of wanting a boy or girl, in my mind we were having a child. We had a boy and I never, ever thought how I wished I would have a girl.
With Angus we found out at 20 weeks that we were having a boy. Having had several dreams and thoughts that I was having a girl I felt initial gender disappointment, even though we had the losses I had an initial disappointment. I think more so because of the fact that I'm not sure if we will have more, not so much becuase he is a boy.

That gender disappointment was not hugely prevalent though and the instant he was born I just felt so completely at peace - I know I was supposed to have him.

I would love to have a daughter, to experience what a daughter would bring me - but if we try for another baby it will not be to have a girl (even if we do try some gender swaying techniques) it will be absolutely and compeltely for a baby.

If I were picking from a cabbage patch and money was no issue - I think I would have a football team.

[Charigan]

Before TTC I wanted 3, maybe 4 kids, boy first, then girl, then whichever gender!

I always wanted a boy first, when we first got pregnant I was convinced we were having a boy as our family is FULL of boys, then we lost our bubs at 19 weeks and found out she was in fact a girl. I had tremendous guilt thinking she had died because she thought I didnt want her.

When we fell pregnant the second time I didnt care about the gender, I just wanted our baby to survive the pregnancy. And he did. I LOVE having a son. But after PND I told everyone I was never having anymore kids. But Im SO much better now, and can see more kids in our future.

I now think I might be happy with 2 kids, but might push it to 3, we will see how we go. As for gaps, I would like to have all my kids by the time Im 30, so I have 6 years to pop them out. I would love to have a girl second, then it doesnt bother me, but having all boys would be lovely too.

[goodgirl]

I always wanted 2 and always pictured myself with at least 1 girl. I was aiming for a 2.5-3 year gap.

Seems that we don't always get what we wish for and having a 2nd child is proving a challenge. The gap is blowing out. But I don't care, all I want is a healthy baby one day soon when the stork remembers my address...

Channy, I'm so sorry to see that you've had another loss . Life really sucks sometimes.

[T-T]

My expectations have changed over the years.

Once upon a time I had definite ideas about the number of children, the time between births, gender preferences etc.

Now days I'd settle for a baby. Don't mind about gender, don't mind if another baby follows. Just one would be fine.

I have to agree with Vik. Once upon a time I wanted 4 children and had no preferences re: gender but had definite ideas about time between births. Thankfully after many, many years of trying we've finally been blessed with our perfect baby but I have to face reality - I won't be able to have 4. And if we are lucky enough to have even one more I couldn't care less re: gender. I'm just so happy we have our one at this point in time.