CHILD SUPPORT & CUSTODY QUESTIONS, Hoping you can help hubby and I pls... Options

[holly_golightly]

Hi ladies

I was wondering if anyone could shed any light at all on a situation hubby and I are facing.

Basically, about 5 years ago, hubby had a girlfriend who lived in WA that was on holidays up here and she fell pregnant and left him at 5 weeks pregnant. Naturally, although hubby wasnt planning a family at that time, he was devestated that she had left. She went on to have a healthy little boy. He is now 4 years old. He went down there for the birth and wasnt allowed to see the baby as she 'felt uncomfortable as she wasnt in love with the father'. She has never let my husband have any access to his son.

Since then, Hubby and I met , got married and we now have a bub of our own on the way which is wonderful for both of us.

At the beggining of our relationship about 3.5 years ago, The mother of his child agreed that hubby will pay child support (even though there really isnt any way that hubby can have access to his child given the child doesnt know who he is and lives a 4 hr plane flight away) but said he can choose how much he thinks is fair. Given that he will NEVER have access to this child, hubby said he thinks $100 a week is fair. (18% of hubbys wage would be nearly double that). So as it stands for the last few years, we have been paying $100 a week on a private aggreeement.

My questions are these ( I would really appreciate any advise as we have never seeked any legal advice)

If were on a private agreement, can she turn around at any stage and decide she wants the whole 18% of his wage? I ask this becuase we are just about to live off one income due to maternity leave and it would mean the difference of me going back to work or staying home so I am sure you can understand the concern.

Is there any way hubby can gain visitational rights to a child that lives on the other side of the country that he has never met? I dont undestand how someone can leave someone in NSW and move to WA and still be entitile to 18% despite the father having NO chance of contact

Does anyone have any advise or information they can offer?
I want to thank you for making it this far. It is my husbands sons birthday today and he is most upset, I thought its about time I tried to get some info on this subject?

x

[MrsJo]

We both pay and receive payments via CSA. Yes, she can decide at anytime to apply to have the CSA collect payments on her behalf. If this happens he will have to pay what CSA assesses which is usually 18%. We are financially destroyed by the amount of money Jon has to pay to his ex so she can buy drugs and cigs and alcohol. It is not a fun life at all.

He can gain some access to the child, but he would have to get a lawyer and start going through the legal process to gain that access. He is legally entitled to it, but won't get much to start with. It will take a long time to gain access through the legal process, so if he wants it he should start sooner rather than later, especially if she decides she wants him to have none, so it can get dragged out quite a long time, and I can tell you now, it is not a fun process. It will be a hard existence but worth it if he genuinely wants to be a permanent part of the child's life. Even living a long way away he can still have visitation, but I doubt he will get very much in the beginning. He will get some though.

My husband and I have a child each. We have both been through legal cases with our respective ex's regarding visitation with our children. Mine to fight off my ex who likes to make ridiculous claims, and his to fight to get any rights at all to his child who is neglected and intellectually disabled as result.

Anything thing I can tell you, feel free to ask. Good luck.

[MrsRissaC]

Like Bella said she can make a claim at anytime through the proper channels, however, if she does that it will be assessed on your current situation.

My husband currently pays child support which is huge! $800 a month... of which we cannot maintain when I go on maternity leave, however, because we will then have a bub in my husbands primary care, we have to lodge a change of circumstances form, of which will alter the amount of the payment he is required to pay.. (I am not sure what this will be).

With regards to the custody, I cant help you there, I havent had any experience with that. I think given the situation it would be quite ugly, and might be deemed not in the childs best interests.. however I am just speculating.

Good luck with it all
x

[~Sally~]

If were on a private agreement, can she turn around at any stage and decide she wants the whole 18% of his wage? I ask this becuase we are just about to live off one income due to maternity leave and it would mean the difference of me going back to work or staying home so I am sure you can understand the concern.

If she chose to approach the CSA to rather than have a private agreement then it is likely that the payment amount would change. And once your new bub is born the agreement would be likely to change again.

Is there any way hubby can gain visitational rights to a child that lives on the other side of the country that he has never met? I dont undestand how someone can leave someone in NSW and move to WA and still be entitile to 18% despite the father having NO chance of contact

Yes - Well in Tassie I have seen this happen. I have worked with families when the NRP (non-residential parent) has made trips from the mainland to visit with their child. This has been arranged through the courts though and visits have been facilitated through a Childrens Contact Service - where visits are supervised (I can answer any questions you have about a Children's Contact Service - but my answers are based around the Tassie model).

I can understand the issue you have with paying Child Support for a child that is never seen and feel you have no chance of ever seeing. It is a difficult situation.

Does anyone have any advise or information they can offer?
I want to thank you for making it this far. It is my husbands sons birthday today and he is most upset, I thought its about time I tried to get some info on this subject?

If you want to ask any questions feel free to ask here or PM me. I pay Child Support to my ex-husband (although we share 50/50 care). I also have worked with seperated parents and work in a Childrens Contact Centre.

Cxx

[holly_golightly]

Thanks so much girls for your information.

It is a very difficult situation but I guess I am not alone, It seems like a very unfair system doesnt it

xx

[~Sally~]

Thanks so much girls for your information.

It is a very difficult situation but I guess I am not alone, It seems like a very unfair system doesnt it

xx

Yep... unfair isn't the word sometimes. I discovered today that because my ex's partner is having a baby I will have to pay MORE child support for my two... Someone tell me how that works??? Just because he's having another one I pay more??

Don't quiet get that one...

Cxx

[TEN]

I haven't been in the situation, so I don't know that much, but my step father pays child support (thats a whole other long story), it was for 2 childen (different monthers) and now only one child. He doesn't see her.

There are some groups out there for men who don't have custody of their children, are paying child support etc. Maybe you can try and get some information there?

Good luck, I have seen first hand what a hard situation it is.