Self-settler to screaming and needing cuddles to sleep, Advice needed on why my 3.5 month old has suddenly needs help to sleep Options

[KittyKatz]

My 3.5 month old has always been a pretty good sleeper. For all sleeps, both day and night I've only had to put her into her cot, even partially awake. Sometimes I've had to go in and put her dummy back in, but that's it.

1 week ago, she suddenly would not self-settle. Now, when it's bed time (and I know she needs a sleep when she starts grizzling), I put her into her cot and she screams. Sometimes she even starts crying as we walk towards the bedroom. Now I have to hold her to me tightly and stand swaying to rock her to sleep. It's driving me crazy!!

My MIL thinks she may be lactose intolerant, but I figure she'd be screaming and generally unhappy when she's awake playing, which she's not. Then I thought maybe colic - but she spends up to 45 minutes laying on her jungle gym and if she has colic, laying down at anytime (not just bedtime) would be painful for her. She's generally a very happy little girl, except when it comes to bed.

It's really starting to stress me out, especially because no one can seem to calm her down but me.

Any ideas??

[Janbaby]

Do not panic! We had a similar situation with our little man around 4 months and it did resolve itself. Make sure she's not overtired when you put her down as she will probably need more help to get to sleep if she is.

Be eagle-eyed for tires signals when you are within 20 mins or so of her boundary (eg, my son will be up for 3 hours between sleeps these days, but every so often he is pooped and wants to go to bed after 2.5 hours which still sometimes catches me unawares). Once you start to see tired signs put her into bed, even if she still seems quite wide awake. More often than not she will drop off quicker.

Otherwise my only advice is to do as little as you need to in order to keep her calm ie., don't cuddle her if she will lie happily in her cot with you stroking her leg through the bars, don't pat her bottom to sleep if she is calmed by you just shushing and not touching her etc etc

Hopefully she will grow out of it - and the less you are doing to assist her the easier it will be to break the habit later. I totally agree about the colic & lactose intolerance - she would be unhappy all day not just at sleep times if that was the problem.

Don't give up - this will pass....

[Janbaby]

Also - I just saw there is a topic below titled "I need help" which is about the 4 month sleep regression also - might be something of value there for you if you have a squizz

[Porthos]

Sounds like a sleep regression to me. For us, Cate slept through the night from 6 weeks until 20 weeks then BAM! Our little super sleeper disappeared and I had a teething monster in her place

It DOES get better - I know that doesn't help you right now, but it's true. It might take three - four weeks but she should settle down again. For us we totally changed her bedtime when the regression hit - she used to go to bed for the night at 10pm and we started the much earlier bed time of 7pm with more routinely placed naps during the day.

[nephthys]

She's going through a growth spurt and it will pass. My DS started showing clear tired-signals by that age and I just kept a closer look at him. Babies go through stages and the moment you get one thing sorted, they'll change on you.

Also, I have to offer an alternate opinion to Janbaby and say if she's screaming for you, give her a cuddle. At three months, she's still so tiny and needs her mumma. I cuddled my boy to sleep until he was almost six months old and one day he decided he'd had enough and now (most times) can settle with only a few pats. Cuddling to sleep to me was the most precious and amazing bonding times because I couldn't fully bf and he wasn't a snuggly boy so it was the only time I got to hold him in my arms for long periods. I don't regret it for a minute.

She'll grow out of it soon.

[Janbaby]

Oh dear I may not have been clear. I TOTALLY agree that if she needs a cuddle then she should have one, but with my guy at the moment I don't need to pick him up from his cot to calm him so I don't. From time to time he will totally be screaming his little head off and then he is picked up quick smart and cuddled to sleep.

The point I intended to make was that if you are feeling concerned about setting new bad habits, there may be some times when less intervention on your part will do the trick just as well as a big cuddle. It's also easier to sneak out when I am just sitting by his cot rather than having to put him down without waking him, raise the side of the cot and tip toe to the door.....

[~Melissa~]

Oh dear I may not have been clear. I TOTALLY agree that if she needs a cuddle then she should have one, but with my guy at the moment I don't need to pick him up from his cot to calm him so I don't. From time to time he will totally be screaming his little head off and then he is picked up quick smart and cuddled to sleep.

The point I intended to make was that if you are feeling concerned about setting new bad habits, there may be some times when less intervention on your part will do the trick just as well as a big cuddle. It's also easier to sneak out when I am just sitting by his cot rather than having to put him down without waking him, raise the side of the cot and tip toe to the door.....

That's what I took from your post.

I agree as well.

Watch for those tired signs - you probably need to get her in bed before she gets grizzly. I know that with both of mine I have /had a window of a few minutes to get them down or else it all turns to hell (cue screaming while we settle with cuddles/rocking etc).

[Puggie]

I was just flipping through Oscar's baby journal and we had a similar thing just before 4 months. It passed within a week or so - I just patted him (while he was in the cot) and crept out once he was asleep.

[KittyKatz]

Thanks for all your advice ladies. I feel better now that it seems 'normal'. We are seeing a new GP tomorrow anyway, just for Abi to have a thorough check-up